I hope the problems with the boards didn't slow people down too much.  Just a reminder that the OWC scripts (genre: drama, theme: perfume) is due tonight at midnight.

Looking forward to reading everyone's scripts.


Phil

I wish I knew about this sooner...

Quoted from dogglebe I hope the problems with the boards didn't slow people down too much.  Just a reminder that the OWC scripts (genre: drama, theme: perfume) is due tonight at midnight. Looking forward to reading everyone's scripts. Phil

Wait a minute, something's not right.

Wasn't the theme 'Gatorade' to tie in with Don's new product placement deal?

This is going to be the worst OWC ever.

Don wanted to change it to Gatorade, but I overruled him.  The theme is perfume.

You have six hours.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe You have six hours.

Done.

Of course, a lot of readers are going to wonder why people are drinking perfume and then excelling at sporting events, but what the hell, I'm not a miracle worker.

Quoted from Shelton Of course, a lot of readers are going to wonder why people are drinking perfume and then excelling at sporting events, but what the hell, I'm not a miracle worker.

And this is why I don't think we should have these open OWC's.  People post script that don't apply to anything.


Phil

Wait, they're supposed to be shorts? Mine was 42 pages.

Uh oh.

A lot of people tend to go over the limit, Mike, but I think you set a record.

Don e-mailed me and told me that, due to the website problem, he only received 16 entries.  Still, there's a little time left.


Phil

I can't believe I only found out about this now.. Like, right now,. This sucks.

The number and quality of entries has been pretty pathatic.  Pathatic has also been the vast number of loser excuses for non-participation, e.g., "It wasn't announced."  "The discussion board has been down."  "The main site keeps coming up with 'internal server error' every time I visit."

Just because I didn't actually, like post the theme and genre of the challenge is no excuse for non-participation.  

And, mikep.  Six seven-page entries under the fake names of aikep, bikep, cikep, dikep, eikep, fikep?  Did you really think you could fool me?  You very nearly did, but then I noticed that all six scripts made gratuitous use of certain words like, 'and', 'the', and 'INT'.  I mean, what are the chances of six different scripts using that three combination of words.  

mikep is on super secret double probation.  If anyone tells mikep he is on super secret double probation, you will be put on double super secret double probation (with a twist of lime).

Also, due to the number of issues with the site, this month's OWC entries won't be posted until early 2012.  

Oh, I changed my mind, the topic is "paisley" not "perfume".

Don

Quoted from Don Oh, I changed my mind, the topic is "paisley" not "perfume".

Done.

Of course, a lot of readers are going to have a problem with the team excelling at major sporting events while showcasing the worst uniforms in the league, but what the hell, I'm not a miracle worker.

Quoted from Don Oh, I changed my mind, the topic is "paisley" not "perfume".

Oh, sorry, I meant "parsley"  not "paisley".  My bad.  

Quoted from Don Oh, sorry, I meant "parsley"  not "paisley".  My bad.

Oh, goddamnit!  I could go along with all of these other ridiculous ideas, but I draw the line at people having to excel at sporting events with minty fresh breath.

That's just insane!

Quoted from Grandma Bear Okay, change the title to Parsley and I'll make it about a serial killer with an amazing taste for parsley!!!!! Geez!

New rules.

Genre:  Musical
Theme:  Guy who wears two pairs of glasses...at the same time!

I got 55 mins. Can we please settle this so I can write it and submit it?

Parsnips!  I meant parsnips, not paisley.  Must be something wrong with this keyboard.

Apologies.,


Don

I'm looking really forward to reading all these scripts....except Mike's.


Phil

Wow! What luck! I just happen to have a seven page musical drama that I wrote for another contest that was cancelled. It's about this guy that wears two pairs of glasses with parsley sprigs between them and is on a quest to invent the perfect batch of paisley parsnip perfume, an unexcelled aphrodisiac.  It's called Green Coloured Glasses. I can enter that, can't I?

Newspaper Headlines from 06/18/2008:

A disgruntled, Ex-member of an elite website (currently down due to internal server errors) called Simply Scripts.net..or  .com… (no www please) carried out a vicious attack last night on few members while they worked on their OWC contest. A top secret weapon called PERFUMEPARSLEY was used during the attack, a lethal combination of Weed and Parsley, which caused few members to hallucinate. A Clean-up Crew is currently combing through the-still-down site, looking for clues.

Don looks up from the paper at Bert, who shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

Don: Did they find Shelton?

Bert nods as he lights and smokes a pipe.

Bert(blows a perfect circle of smoke): Yeah…at a farm in Iowa, stealing parsley while screaming Done. Done. Done!

Kevan, who just got done watching the clip on TV regarding the SS incident, looks at Phil, who is seated on a chair and has a large piece of duck-tape on his mouth.

Kevan pumps his fist and walks to Phil. He has a large glass of milk in one hand and a plastic, water gun in the other.

Kevan: you see??? Mister OWC!! i told you i'll be back didn't I??

Phil mumbles something as Kevan downs the milk and throws the glass away, he then frames an imaginary headline with his hand.

Kevan: KEVAN THE GREAT AT HARDLY SCRIPTS DOT COM OR DOT NET OR WHATEVER!! you guys just wait! I'm gonna run DON out of town and take over!  I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!

Phil keeps mumbling. Kevan finally takes off the duck-tape and looks him straight in the eye..

Kevan: What!!!

Phil: I WANT A BEER!

FADE IN

SAVING PHIL

INT. BAR. NIGHT

Dark and smoky.

Jack Amsterdam sings in the background to a small group of men seated at the bar, dressed in Special Forces Fatigues… George Wilson looks at Bert, who downs a shot of Parsley Mix, burps and shakes his head.

Bert: NO! I’m going after him ALONE (he burps again) I can’t have you guys risk your lives. The site needs you. Don is counting on you!

Mike Shelton: Bert..

Bert: NO MIKE! I said NO! I deleted all his threads, I feel responsible for all what’s happening to us. I’m going after Kevan ALONE!

George: happenning or happens?

Bert: I don't know and I don't care! We need to SAVE PHIL!

Mike: Bert, all I’m trying to say is that you have a large bug in your hair!

Bert screams loud as he runs out the door. Mike rolls his eyes as he looks at George, who glances over at Pia, behind the bar.

George: Martini, stirred, not shaken.
(to Mike)
So, what’s the plan?


To be continued….

ALAN enters the room.

ALAN:  Anyone want a donut?

AYHAM: Donut? What does that have to do with anything?

ALAN: Banana Chan.

Wesley slowly gathers rope from a pile of rope in the corner that no one noticed until this very moment. George looks up from his parsnip house wine. Jack Amsterdam stops singing.

ALAN: Banana Chan. You all love Banana Chan version 34.6. I made some changes.

Mike looks at Kevan, who stares at the ceiling blankly. Pia rapidly removes glasses from the countertop. A scream emanates from outside the bar growing closer.

ALAN: Here. Copies of Banan Chan for everyone. Along with the movie I was in. I sang, you know.

The scream grows closer. Wesley coils the rope in his hand. Alan tosses several 500+ page manuscripts on the ground. They land with deafening thuds. George drops the parsnip wine.

GEORGE: Whoops.
PIA: You did that on purpose.
GEORGE: No, it was good. Honest.
PIA: Want more.
GEORGE: No, thank you.

The scream grows closer.

ALAN: Let's all sit in a circle and read Banana Chan.

Bert blasts through the door, screaming still. He tackles Alan. Rolls off in a hurry. Wesley steps forward and hog ties Alan in an instant. Alan screams. Ayham crumples a page of Banana Chan and stuffs it in Alan's mouth.

AYHAM: Have a banana.

Mike watches the scene for a moment, and turns back to the bar.

He shakes his head in disappointment.

Mike:  You'd think, in this day and age people would know better.

Don, the two glasses at the same time wearing, googly eyed bartender walks over.

Don:  I hear that, Mike.  Just not right causing a ruckus in the bar like that.

Mike:  Ruckus?  I'm talkin' about my drink.  It's empty.

Don removes the top pair of glasses and peers closer at the empty glass.

Don:  So it is.  I'll get you another one.

Mike:  You got any of that 99 Bananas stuff back there?

Don:  You don't really drink that stuff do you?

Mike:  No, just giving serious thought to setting a horribly ironic fire.

Just to informe you that "Helio" is a copyrighted name, okay?! :-D

SAVING PHIL PART II: Dragon Shelton Vs. Ninja Power.   Sponsored by GATORADE.

Kevan nervously paces the room back and forth, talking on a cell phone. Looking good in pink pajamas. Phil is stretched on a sofa, sipping beer. Pistachio shells litter the floor.

Kevan: (on phone)…What I want you can’t give me!

Don:  (V.O) Try me!

Kevan: Obama for president!

Don: Done!

Kevan: Ok, try this one…Lower gas prices!

Don: Done!

Kevan: Peace in the Middle East!

Don: Easy. Done!

Kevan: Was there ever life on Mars?

Don: I need a couple of days on this one. Need to make a couple phone calls, but consider it done!

Kevan: Ok. Last one. …An easy,  workable, Simply Scripts website that’s always up and running!

Don:…….Kevan… you are a dead man!  

CLICK

Kevan looks at Phil, who just picked up another CORONA.

Kevan: (nervous) They’re on the way to save you!

Phil: (burps)  oh yeah? Who?

Kevan: the A team…Bert, George and Mike!

Phil: (rolls his eyes)  Oh, great!

Kevan: you see, George and Bert I can handle…but Mike…

Phil: what about Mike?

Kevan looks at us…his eyes narrow.

Kevan: His name was Dragon Shelton!

Phil: ha?!

FLASHBACK

FLASHBACK

A group of about 20 Ninjas, armed with swords, form a circle around a lone fighter, dressed in a Karate outfit…Dragon Mike!

Ninja Leader: Dragon Mike Chan, we come to destroy you!

Mike: (heavy Hong Kong accent)  Ninja Power leader, me kick you from here to moon! I teach you lesson you never forget!

Ninja Leader: ( hands around his waist) oh yeah?!

Dragon Mike: (pumps his fist) Yeah, oh yeah!

One of the Ninjas makes a move from behind. Mike quickly turns and sticks his index finger in the Ninja’s nose. The Ninja falls dead. Mike then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a GATORADE.. The Ninjas let out a collective AHHH as they slowly back away.

Mike takes a moment to look at Don, who is seated on a chair behind a CAMERA MAN. Don smiles and gives a thumps up.

Dragon Mike: I am strong because I drink GATORADE!!

Suddenly the circle breaks open, then a WOMAN is pushed in and the circle closes again. This woman is PIA.

Mike: PIA!! Those bastards took you!

Pia: Yeah…hey what’s with the accent, Mike?

Mike: don’t worry about it. Tell me, were you tortured?

Pia: The bastards pulled my hair!

Mike shoots a deadly glare at the Ninjas and pumps his fist again. The ninjas suddenly attack.

A strange, loud sound interrupts the action. We look to the side and find Phil, who just let out a very loud burp. Kevan rolls his eyes as we look back and find:

Mike… quickly takes Pia’s hand and jumps in the air…and stays there as the Ninja’s collide with each other.

Pia (still in the air) Oh, dragon Mike, you are my hero! Can we go down now, please? I’m afraid of heights!