Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Good Golly Miss Molly
Posted by: Don, June 16th, 2008, 2:42pm
Good Golly Miss Molly by Bryan Mora (brymo) - Short - A local visit to the SnM bondage doctor is all a guy really needs.  5 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: BryMo, June 26th, 2008, 7:35am; Reply: 1
..SO, i'm thinking nobody here likes bondage fun...

my first lesson.
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), June 26th, 2008, 7:49am; Reply: 2
Dear Editor, I thought the letters in your magazine until this happened to me--wait!  Wrong place.

You have to keep in mind that there's a lot of 'kids' on these boards who shouldn't be reading this type of material.  And then there's the rest that wouldn't want to read it because of it's subject matter

It was an interesting piece for what it was, but I don't think it really stands on its own.  It was told well, flowed really smoothly.  The characters and dialog was pretty natural.  For some reason, I found the ending predictable.  Maybe it was because the script was only a few pages long and you needed to tie things up quickly (pun intended), but there was no surprise.

Hope this helps.


Phil
Posted by: BryMo, June 26th, 2008, 9:23am; Reply: 3
**Sigh**

You're right dogglebe(pronounciation please) --I should have thought about that. The kids remark i mean. Some places you can and some you can't.. Oh well.

No harm.


Wait -- deep thoughts -- so kids can scroll down scripts about zombies eating/Blowing off each others heads and terrorist groups bombing civilians but can't read something thats a natural part of life. The sex not the SnM.

Actually, SnM is a Phenomenon sweeping the USA. i wont judge and say its a sad state of mind..But its def sweeping.

Also, I’m not trying to be belligerent – it’s just these thoughts popped into my head. (Genuine thoughts and observations) If these kids are trying to be "writers", then isn't it their trade to experience everything they can. To gain knowledge from that crazy little thing called life. To observe. To interact.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, June 26th, 2008, 9:43am; Reply: 4
There are far worse scripts than this here. This one, I would even call tame. ;D

I read this at MP and I gave it a GOOD.  

Pia
Posted by: alffy, June 26th, 2008, 9:58am; Reply: 5
Hey Bry

This was alright, the ending was a quite amusing lol.  I guessed that maybe they were work collegues or something so it was a bit of a surprise that they were husband and wife.

Anywho, the dialogue was good and your format was fine, I would introduce the characters first though.  Rather than referring to them as Man and Woman at first I'd just use their names from the outset.

Like I said though, this was a nice little read, not too much to it but by no means a bad script.
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), June 26th, 2008, 10:29am; Reply: 6
Keep in mind that the majority of the zombie scripts are ritten by these kids.  And it is a double standard, regarding violence and death, especially when it comes to fantasy deaths, like zombies.

And, in regards to kids experiencing everything in life if they want to be writers I imagine that their parents should be making that decision and not some stranger on the internet.

Back to your scripts, though.  What you wrote is a realstic story, not to be confused with fantasy.  I imagine that parents would not be asupset over the violence in a zombie story than they would with the violence in a more down to earth drama.  An example of this might be the violence in 'Reserviour Dogs' versus the violence in 'From Dusk Til Dawn.'  In regards to sex scenes, what you wrote probably would not be as accepted as a knight in shining armor doing the dirty with an elven princess.


Phil
Posted by: stebrown, June 27th, 2008, 11:29am; Reply: 7
Hey Bry

I thought this was another funny script. From the two I've read I see you're good at building interesting characters and situations.

I don't think we should have any censorship on here, if something's well written I don't mind what the subject matter is.

I liked the ending but maybe (just a suggestion) have Frank clearly the dominant force in the relationship. I thought you made Molly be quite meek at the end, but think it would be funny if you made the 'real-life' situation even more of a difference to the rest.

Nice job

Ste
Posted by: n7 (Guest), July 16th, 2008, 9:51pm; Reply: 8
Hey BryMo,
For the first couple of pages I was thinking to myself, if he's going to go after a subject like this, why not go all out with as much swearing and s&m stuff as possible. Page 4. Problem solved. Once you dropped the "c" bomb it raised the stakes.
also a nice build up of the good golly miss molly punchline. You avoided giving it away too early. Overall it was a really solid for a 5 pager. Even though the twist at the end wasn't "shocking" it was still effective. It had me fooled. Good work
Posted by: Breanne Mattson, July 19th, 2008, 1:35pm; Reply: 9
Actually, I thought this was very tame.

In fact, I think there has been a lot of similar stuff to this already. The guy who gets off on being beaten and the mistress who’s totally normal outside the bedroom is already treaded territory.

I didn’t find anything new or shocking here. It wasn’t bad. It was just okay for me. It came down to whether or not I connected with any of the characters. And I didn’t really connect.

For it to have any meaning to me, it would have to get into the characters’ marriage and motives. Why does Frank need this type of activity - which is clearly a form of self loathing? Why does Molly indulge him rather than instigate any meaningful transformation? Are they really happy like this? If not, why not? That sort of thing.

The twist isn’t really anything but an ordinary story beat used to move a story along. It’s okay as such but as any sort of surprise twist at the end, it falls short.

I think there is a lot of room to explore this type of activity in a real meaningful way. I like movies like Secretary and Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! but they approach this subject from the psychological perspective and give us characters with much more depth than their sexual desires. Their kinky tendencies don’t define them as people. They are manifestations of who they are - or maybe more accurately - who they’ve become. There is a profound psychological exploration that makes their strange sexual acts part of a whole person. Without that, it’s just exploitation.

That’s kind of how I felt about your story. I felt like it was all just using kinky sex as a cheap thrill and avoiding any real character development.

I mean, it’s well written and all. It just didn’t do anything for me personally.


Breanne
Posted by: BryMo, July 20th, 2008, 11:25pm; Reply: 10
Breanne, has it been awhile since you’ve posted? Because I’ve always enjoyed your reviews and haven’t seen them lately.

And typically, I’m fond of this review. See, you read my mind. This piece was done for a monthly community contest on short scripts.. I decided to keep this tame for younger readers. I mean, trust me, I have plenty extremist things going on in my head (is that good or bad…ehh) Anyway I knew entering this here I’d get posts saying “this was run of the mill” and had no development. And you know what, it was. Most of my more intricate stories range in twenty pages.. But I do think I went as far as I could with 5 pages. Essentially this was preparation for another story if I wished to expand on the subject.

You know, I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE for you to read “No Place Like Home.” About an insecure gay man who goes to his school reunion. I’d love to get your thoughts on that piece.

I believe a link is in my signature. Thanks!

Hope to hear back!
Posted by: ShotgunFever, November 16th, 2008, 9:48pm; Reply: 11
This is the first one I've read by you.  Are they all about bondage?  I thought that for what it was it worked.  But shorts are only worth so much anyways.  The flow, dialogue and imagery was pretty well done and it was even a little scary.  
I thought Molly was gonna kill the guy or something.  I will read more and THANK YOU for the R-rated subject matter.  More people ought to be as daring with their work.  
-Dave
Posted by: Tommyp, November 16th, 2008, 10:36pm; Reply: 12
Hey man, interesting script. Well written. But I don't really see the point of it. I'm guessing the whole idea was the suprise that they were actually husband and wife. And the ending was amusing. I just can't see this being made...

Unlike "No Place Like Home" which was fantastic.

I think you went more for the shock factor here (like with that "c" swear word and the content of course), instead of trying get an actual story in there.

Overall good dialogue and descriptions so well done. Just not my cup of tea (or coffee for that matter). I'm gonna check out some more of stuff 'cause I like your writing.
Posted by: BryMo, November 19th, 2008, 12:32pm; Reply: 13
Shotgun,

No! How dare you imply that I’m a one hit writer! No jk. All my scripts are vastly different from each other. To stick to one genre isn’t my style. But to echo some of what others have said; I, personally, don't think this piece went TOO far. I can go much farther, mostly because my once innocent self has exposed to the vile, grimy thing we call life.

Thanks for the read!

Tommyp,

You can’t see any point to it because there isn’t a point. I remember when I wrote this, I was extremely depressed and couldn’t write a thing anymore. I felt as if I forgot HOW to write. You ever have those moments? Anyway, this somehow was written in that phase. I think if I wanted this made, I’d just need to add a few things…Like a story and a twist.

Don’t know if I want this made, but who can let a title like “Good Golly Miss Molly” go to waste??  
Posted by: tonkatough, November 22nd, 2008, 1:13am; Reply: 14
oh dear the old tie me up and spank me down. Not a big fan of that. I adore Bettie Page, have a collection of books and stuff on her but always skip right past the bondage crap.

So can't say this was my cup of tea but man oh man it was worth sticking around to the end as the last few lines of dialouge made me laugh hard.

Loved the big reveal when wife pulls off pink wig and the last two lines of dialouge are worth the read alone. total crack up.  

  
Posted by: jayrex, November 22nd, 2008, 6:58am; Reply: 15
Hi Brymo,

My first question was, how much research did you put into this?  Then I read that these were thoughts that popped into your head from observations.

Anyway, it was a good script, the ending was good.  But the S&M seemed kinda tame.  Not much went on, a few cracks here and there.  But nothing really happened.

Maybe you could do a sequel and drive this up a few gears.  Let Molly add more material so much so to put Frank off the S&M scene and maybe Molly will get her wish after all.

Also, your title has Miss Molly and you start off with A WOMAN.  Why?  We already know her name.

All the best,


Javier
Print page generated: March 28th, 2024, 3:17am