Wings by Scott Woodman - Adventure - WINGS is an epic fantasy adventure in the mold of THE LORD OF THE RINGS and with the light heartedness of INDIANA JONES or STAR WARS.  Set within a magical Fairy Kingdom, it is the story of a young man’s coming of age amidst a crisis which threatens to destroy everything around him. 121 pages - pdf, format 8)

I like the way you’ve reimagined the fairies – not dragonfly pixies with scaled wings nor small humans who live in the forest but full-size independent beings with feathered wings.

The dialogue seems a little wooden. Your characters and descriptions are great but some of the dialogue feels like it constricts them.

The plot feels forced in places. Aralia seems to jump to conclusions about her sister bringing back the darkness on page 28. She doesn’t really have any proof. Tanis’ betrayal (pg 52) seems a little too easy.

Aereon is a little too passive for my taste. He gives the forces of evil an entry through weakness, follows Callissa onto the Snap Dragon, and runs away leaving everyone to die. Then he gets wings for admitting he loves her? Seems a little weak to me. He’s certainly no action hero. I didn’t feel much for him.

You’ve envisioned an epic story with some terrific characters and great environments, which are colourfully described. There’s much to admire here. Smooth out the edges of the story and take another look at the dialogue. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Hi wordartisan,

Thanks very much for taking the time to read my script.  Much appreciated!

I absolutley agree with you on your comments.  As this is the first ever screenplay I attempted (and bashed out in no less than two days!)  there are a few problems in clarification with the narrative.

I actually had scenes regarding Aralia and her sister's history, however I ommitted them as the screenplay was a bit too lenghty with them included.  Tanis' betrayal was meant to indicate the power with which the blackness can so quickly sway the will of the person, again clarification was lacking in this issue.

Aereon was a tricky character to convey.  I wanted to go against convention and have a character who was not an action hero.  That he would earn his wings through the simple act of falling in love (as his Mother tells him earlier, there are different ways in which a fairy can earn their wings).  Again this point just needs to be strenghtened.

I absolutley agree with you regarding dialogue.  It's funny, but as a genre, fantasy tends to influence dialogue so badly ("Back to the pits that spawned thee ye evil fiend!" etc.).  I really would love to write dialogue against type for this genre but it usually comes off as unrealistic, which seems rather odd as the whole thing is unrealisic anyway!

I'm glad you enjoyed the other points though.  This is clearly envisioned as a visual piece of cinema and that is the main area I was striving for.  Anyway, let the actors improv the dialogue and the problem is solved!

Thanks again for reading the script.

hi im Ed freelance screenwriter before I start I would like to say this information is not to criticize you or you writing in any way its just to help I have a few recommendations you don't need to explain every detail just tell what your characters do I have a few examples
on page three you write
calissa starts to climb the cherry tree
it should read
calissa climbs the cherry tree
only two words different just say what calissa is doing
on page four you write
aereon tries to grab hold of calissa but he slips
it should read
aereon reaches for calissa he slips
just say what aereon is doing
on page four you write
aereon is finishing up his work as grimwood enters
it should read
aereon finishes his work grimwood enters
on page seven you write
calissa darts off over the forest
it should read
calissa moves swiftly over the canopy of the forest
on page eight you write
aeron notices his mother japonica sitting on a veranda
it should read
japonica sits on the veranda
I would recommend a screenwriters book to you the screenwriters bible by David trottier this will help you in all aspects of screen writing I am reading your script at the moment I will post my thoughts soon regards Ed