Little Swimmers by Michael Turri - Short, Comedy - Chet Randall is a man on a mission to get his sperm count tested. It is a mission that is not as easy as he might have imagined. 5 pages - fdr, format 8)

Little Swimmers by Michael Turri - Short, Comedy - Chet Randall is on a mission to have his sperm count tested. Little did he realize what a tough mission it can be. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

A black comedy sense of humor to this story. It was very good. The only comment I would make would be to try and shorten your descriptions or at least break them up more. If you did this it might read even faster. Overall, great job.

I've just read this script and didn't feel there was alot to this.  Seemed like a few nervous moments here and there.  But not to the point of finding it funny.

Apart from the first page and maybe the opening of the door that was obivously busy, and a little too much description.  This needs to be reworked.

May I suggest Chet has a nervous conversation at the beginning in the waiting room.  This kind of reminds me of a Ricky Gervais (The Office) comedy.  Embarrassing humour might work here.

Anyhow, all the best.

Javier

Mike, not everyone here has Final Draft.  Save it as a pdf and resubmit it.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe Mike, not everyone here has Final Draft.  Save it as a pdf and resubmit it. Phil

It is also available in PDF format.

Don