One Last Gig by Stephen Brown - Short, Drama - A band reforms for one final performance on a very special anniversary. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Thanks for putting this up Don.

Any thoughts are welcome. Went for something a bit different with this one.

Ste

This is really well written. It flows nicely. Good description, dialogue. You did a good job of differentiating the band members.

Around page 7, I got a little disoriented. The other band members were on stage and Delf shouts a dedication. I understand eventually what happened. But it was very confusing until I figured it out. The flow was very disrupted for me at that point. Once figured out, it was fine. I did have to stop and go back over it though to orient myself. Page 8 particularly caused a lot of confusion.

A couple of little technical things:

Crashes onto it’s back - should be its back

A sombre look on his face - is this an alternate spelling of somber? If not, it’s a typo.

Other than that, it was really good. Good job.


Breanne

Thanks Breanne

I see where it's a bit confusing on those two pages. I may have to look back over them and try to make it a little more clear. Obviously there is a twist that I'm going for so I need to do that without giving away the ending.

its - it's always confuses me, so thanks for that.

Sombre is the british spelling of somber I'm pretty sure.

Thanks again for checking it out. I'm considering expanding this a touch and entering it into a competition so all the feedback is more than welcome.

Hey Ste

Finished reading it. What i can say is that you write in different genres which i like, this was a short dramatic piece.

I loved the idea of band growing to success, and the aftermath of misfortune.

What else i can say, is that i really love your way of writing, it flows so good and makes easy to read and follow the story.
I loved the characters.

Now, my concern is with the ending of the script, i think it could be worked a little, my first thought is that even Marty gets involved in an accident, just saying.

Above all i loved it, good job.

Cheers
Nik

Thanks Nik, pleased you enjoyed it.

Yeah I'm trying to mix it up as much as possible at the moment until I find out what genre really grabs me. I'm trying to think up comedy ideas now.