Housekeeping by Brad Huffman-Parent - Short, Horror - After killing her husband, all Ellen wants to do is clean up and get out of town. But housekeeping just won't leave her alone. And neither will her dead husband. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

I thought this script was cute but, IMHO, it went on too long.  If you tighten the script, you can probably trim three pages from it.

The ending was nice


Phil

Good mix of horror and comedy. I liked the touch at the end, nice plant-and-payoff. I agree with dogglebe, it is long but I'm not sure if it's too long. I think the action of the limbs moving around would take shorter than it is written.

I'm a little confused how it jumps from the housekeeper in the doorway to her being dead. She wouldn't run once she sees all the blood? The limbs? I'd like to know what happened.

Otherwise, great. I like the comedy.

Hello Brad,

I think this short was alright.  Funny in places.  The last line made me laugh.

The action scene towards the end with all the limbs flying everywhere could sound confusing trying to picture each limb helping each out.  But I was okay with that, what I wasn't okay with was that the torso with no arms or legs was able to come into contact with Ellen with no assistance from the arms.

I thought at the bottom of page three where the second time Edgar spoke with Ellen, she wasn't so startled.  Anybody would be startled a little more than previous time.

But these are tiny points.

Funny script, keep up it.

All the best.


Javier