The Howl of the Manta by Jorge Alarcon-Swaby - Short - Two young men go biking on an advanture, but when three other guys are in the same area, something goes terible wrong. 7 pages - doc, format 8)

Hi Jorge,

I'm guessing English is not your mother tongue.  Is this story a first draft?  There are alot of errors regarding your grammar, spelling and format.  Some people use a free program called Celtx that will help with your formatting.

Onto your story.  (SPOILERS)

I must say that I saw this coming a mile off.  A car driven by drunks, two people cycling.  I was wondering what the premise was.  But this story could be a lot better.  Change the premise.  May I suggest speeding up to the crash by cutting it down to two pages and then turn it into a horror.  That's what I thought it was going to be going by the title.

The cyclists are travelling up the lane to the hut, a howl can be heard along the way, a crash happens, the howl is louder.  Etc...

If you do a re-write and change the premise, then I'll be happy to read it again.

All the best.


Javier

p.s.
I may have Spanish name like yourself, but I grew up in Ireland.  Wished I learnt my mother tongue.  Ah well.

Thanks alot for the critizim and the advice, This was my first script ever so I expected this, I will take what you said and try to improve on my next one.

Thanks