You're Lying by Victor (nme) - Short, Comedy - Small Town Sheriff uses low budget equipment to get a troubled teen to tell the truth. 16 pages - pdf, format 8)

Don-Thank you for posting my script. New to the field and would love some feedback on what readers think. Looking at starting production on filiming this as a short this would be our first film.

Any feedback would be great. Side note have been viewing your site for a while now and think it is awesome thank you for hosting.

In my opinion, the action could be a bit more refined, the character Dwayne was well established as being one brick shy of a load, which is always a great target for humor, I found a laugh or two, this is a good start.

Thanks for the feedback. I received other comments on the same. Need to have more meat in the story but over they seem to like it.

I think you've got a good start, assuming I interpreted the ending right (a jammed copier machine is causing a sheet of paper to come out stating "You're Lying" every time the copy button is pressed?).

There was definitely some potential for humor here between the interactions of the policemen and Dwayne. The dialogue was a little sloppy though, and the characters were a little two-dimensial. I'd suggest going back and re-writing this one, since now that you have a good idea of how the story will unfold and where you want it to go, you can focus more on characterization and dialogue.

As far as adding a little more humor to the story, maybe consider going into more detail about some of Dwayne's past run-ins with the law. Clearly he's well acquainted with the cops, so I'd bet he has an amusing past. Just something to consider and it took me a little bit to get into it, but I think you have a really good start overall. Keep at it!