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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / The Rules of Man
Posted by: Don, November 5th, 2008, 6:40pm
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 5th, 2008, 7:43pm; Reply: 1
Both these scripts read like the opening segments of a sitcom. They were just snippets of a bigger story and don't really hold their own.
The first one really didn't make much sense. The logline reminded me of the bathroom scene in Along Came Polly with Ben Stiller and Alec Baldwin. Your script was just a couple of non-sequitors that ended in the bathroom.
The second script was just so rushed that there was no time to think about it while reading it.
Is there a reason why you're keeping these scripts so short? Fleshing them out would really help.
Phil
Posted by: d.e. jett, November 10th, 2008, 7:31pm; Reply: 2
First line of the script threw me for a loop, which set the tone for the rest of the story "Steve once again wakes up..." - did he wake up a first time? How would we know this?
I don't know, just really confusing... what's the point of your story? I don't feel like the scene was set to begin with, and kind of felt out of sorts from there as we jumped around to different places and times.
I'd maybe work on this one some more.
Posted by: Xavier, November 10th, 2008, 7:55pm; Reply: 3
i read the urinal one and thought the ending was funny, you guys should keep up the good work.
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