Regenesis by Abel Orfao - Action - Scientists working in the NexGenics laboratories, under pressure from their financial backers at the Pentagon, prematurely test a formula which can reanimate the dead with disastrous consequences. 81 pages - pdf, format 8)

Decent first draft, a few things you could work on.
Lotsa characters in the beginning, not a lot of difference between them.  also no descriptions, what does ingram look like?  are they all white, black, asian? something to help us differentiate in our minds as we read.
    referencing posse commitatus is gonna lose just about anyone without a decent military/political background.  And it specifically states the military cant be used as a police force, however they can be used as security, as they were during Katrina.  It's a pretty fine line, but one that has precedent.  And considering everything else going on thats kinda not an issue. Once you have the pentagon involved those rules are kinda sidelined.
     Using the state defense force is kinda an odd choice, I didnt really understand it.  For one less than half the states have one, and they're pretty much a joke/way for retired military to still be involved with military life.  I'm not sure but I think all of them are volunteer organizations.  They dont have any decent standard level of training.  From what I understand mostly they're kept around as a natural disaster relieve type force, the emphasis currently being on medical support and response, since 9/11 and Katrina.  I'd have more faith in State Police/SWAT or something like that.

   The two characters that live arent really set apart in the beginning that i can remember.  What makes us care that these two happen to be the survivors?
    Also everyone running around on the outside and scrambling to bring in the State Defense Force dont really accomplish anything.  They should have some kind of effect, of be cut out.
   Also the animals were a bit lame.  they overrun the security forces then get blown up with a little pyrotechnics.
Ending wasn't bad.  How tall is the building he fell off of though?  could be that tall if he impales himself like that.
    With some work this could be a decent horror piece.  I wouldnt sell it as a zombie bit though, considering there isnt any transmission by bites or any other zombielike behavior.  The logline should be adjusted to reflect that.

sounds pretty similar to resident evil, but i'll see.
Does the guy at the beginning really need to be a bum?  Seems a little unrealistic if its not necessary for the story.  reading further Id say he definately doesnt need to.  Its pretty superfluous.  Why not an army vet or something?
Opening speech is definately resident evilish, sounds like the ads from the previews.
Kind of a lot of characters around in the beginning, real confusing whos who.  Noone stands out as being worth caring about.
'Rabbits cats and dogs shriek in approval"  Is this supposed to be funny?  because I cant imagine watching this and not laughing.
p34  Where does audrey get 'increased communication skills?  I'm guessing this is a reference to the pep talk with the animals, but how would she know?
bunnys just arent scary.  thats cool if thats your intention, but every scene they show up in reminds me of monty python.
having the animals talk 'with enhanced communications skill'  is over the top.  
whered the window washing rig come from?  it needs to be introduced sooner.  Or just discovered luckily once they get to the roof.
kinda preachy stuff with the zombie bum, 'i'm not a subject!' and money bs.
I like the convo about the ways to make a molotov cocktail.  Though I think you might get a little carried away once it sounds like your just reciting the anarchists cookbook.
The zombie bum isnt sympathetic either, despite all his bitching.  He's still maiming and killing people.
Nice scene with the bumzombie vs gorilla.
How does electrocuting the door open in?
Good dramatic finish.

I could see this having some decent comedy if you tweaked it a bit.  Otherwise I would drop out some of the goofier bits if you want to keep it serious.

Overall a little lacking in punch.  kinda monotonous, zombie bum find someone, preaches at them, brutally kills them.  Then again.  And little scary bunnies roam about too.  Could use some variation.

Quoted from Ophelia bunnys just arent scary.  thats cool if thats your intention, but every scene they show up in reminds me of monty python.

Hey Ophelia - check out a 1970s film called "Night of the Lupus" - one of the funniest films ever made. Giant man eating bunnies!

Have taken a very quick look at this - and all I can say is, take the advice of the two who read it more thoroughly - they know what they are talking about. It failed to hold me at all, mainly because of the problems that they outline so well.

At least you didn't go down the Dawn of the Dead zombie route, which is a plus point, but this really needs a lot of work. Still, congratulations on writing a feature - I haven't managed one in ten years!

btw - isn't there an American sf show called "ReGenesis"?

Quoted from Niles_Crane btw - isn't there an American sf show called "ReGenesis"?

Yes, and here is it's IMDb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0429422/

Although there is no rule that one must use a unique title, one shouldn't use the same title as a similar project in the same genre.

Whoops! I had meant to post this in the Horror section. I'll have to see if I can get this thread moved. This is an old script of mine I had uploaded when I first joined the site, promptly forgot about, remembered, cleaned up, and reposted. Still, I'd like to thank jackx, Ophelia, and Niles for taking a look at it anyway. I'll give my response to your posts when I have more time tomorrow.

Okay, I'm back! I'll go through the feedback posted above and give my thoughts below.

I have to admit being rather perplexed as to why Ophelia was so set against Gabriel being a homeless man. For Audrey's plan to work, after all, she needs a corpse belonging to someone who will not be missed. Gabriel, a homeless transient with no family, fits the bill perfectly. Furthermore, I don't really see what if anything making him a military veteran would add to the story.

The use of rabbits, cats, and dogs was intentional as I was amused by the idea of harmless-looking animals turning out to be bloodthirsty killing machines. I even contemplated making the dogs members of an ineffectual breed, like terriers or cocker spaniels.

I'll admit both the animal attack scenes and the animal destruction scenes were rather rushed. Thankfully, there is still room for expanding and developing these moments without drastically inflating the length of the script.

Audrey's line about advanced communication skills was meant to refer to the screeches the rabbits made as they killed the guards -- sounds she heard over Ingram's radio. Furthermore, the communication skills were meant to be a series of specific screeches, meows, and barks instead of actual speech. I didn't make either of these points clear enough, and I could better get these details across when I expand the animal attack scenes.

I don't really see why referencing the Posse Comitatus Act is that big of a problem considering Kelly immediately explains what the law refers to. Furthermore, Traynor's immediate brush-off of the act's implications sets up the moment at the end when Eagleson uses the fact the NexGenics Center is not federal property against him.

I had Eagleson use the State Defense Forces specifically because, given what those outside the NexGenics Center and the Pentagon know, there is no reason to call on the National Guard, the state police, or any other specialized police force. As the Governor himself points out, the only evidence Eagleson has of any trouble is not being able to contact Harrison. The only reason the Governor agrees to the use of the SDF at all is as a fail-safe and only then because their use can be explained away to the public if there is no actual emergency.

Although neither Eagleson nor Traynor arrive in time to stop Gabriel, their appearance does impact what happens to the research. A very common trope in these types of films is for the government to apparently save the day only to reveal they plan to use the research for their own infernal means. When Traynor tries to do just that, he is thwarted by Eagleson's presence.

The victims throughout the main story are mostly direct threats to Gabriel and the animals (Ingram and the security guards) or cold and insensitive personalities (Audrey, Shelton, and the research assistants). The only two exceptions are Harrison (wrong place, wrong time) and Scraps (who saves Christine and Richard before meeting his fate). It was my intention to set Christine and Richard apart from the others by showing them to be empathetic toward the test subjects (such as when they dote over Scraps) and having a firm moral compass (such as when Christine worries about the pace of the experiments). I think the rushed nature of the script prevented this from getting across. Luckily, the script is rather short and leaves room for expansion.

I was a little disappointed to find Ophelia didn't have any sympathy for Gabriel at all, as I had tried to draw a distinction between Gabriel the man and Gabriel the monster. The film starts with Gabriel selflessly giving his life to save a complete stranger, an action no one else on the scene even considers, which I felt firmly established the goodness of his personality. The meeting Audrey has with Traynor at the start of the story proper establishes all of the subjects brought back are overly violent. Furthermore, Gabriel's own dialogue later establishes the formula not only took him away from "the light" but also brought him back without a soul. In other words, the reason Gabriel (and the test animals) go on a killing spree is because they no longer have a moral compass and therefore no longer hesitate to act on their most violent impulses. When Harrison gives him the secondary formula, however, Gabriel's morality shines through twice (once after Scraps is killed, and once again when Richard asks him why he's on his rampage). I'll see if I can clarify this dynamic in the future.

When I first wrote this script several years ago, I had never heard of the television show by the same name. If the shared name is that much of a problem, I have no problem changing my title to something else. I can't speak to any similarities between my script and the television show as I am unfamiliar with the program.

Once again, thanks to those above for reading my script and I greatly appreciate the feedback.

    Hey, sorry I was unclear.  I didn't have any problem with him being a bum, obviously that's necessary for the story.  What I meant to say was that he's a bum who happens to be extremely educated and all that.  I'm sure its happened, but its a little unbelievable and kinda over does the point that hes a wonderful guy that we need to feel bad for.  
     What I meant by being a homeless veteran instead is that still has some sympathy in it, plus its much more likely that he'd become homeless.  It would also set a bit of a precedent for him being brave and saving the kid.  
    I just didn't see any reason in the story that he needs to be unrealistically educated as well as being homeless.

    Yea the animals are funny, you just might want to make it a little more clear this was intentional.  It kinda reads like your trying to take the little varmints seriously.  Like I said, I could definately see this as being a bit more comedic.

   I think the problem with Gabriel was he didnt seem to have any personality other than the fact we were supposed to feel sorry for him.  All his story was just being a poor abused guy.  

   Seems like everything else will be fixed up as you expand and revise (like better explaining that she hears them communicating, etc)  Good luck with it.

Hi Abel, This is a bit about the tv show from Wiki

ReGenesis is a Canadian television program...The series, which ran for four seasons, revolves around the scientists of NorBAC ("North American Biotechnology Advisory Commission"), a fictional organization with a lab based in Toronto. The organization investigates problems of a scientific nature, such as bio-terrorism, mysterious diseases or radical changes in environment throughout Canada, the United States, and Mexico. NorBAC is headed by David Sandström, the chief scientist and molecular biologist. Through this character the show often addresses topical social, political and ethical issues related to the science at hand.