Bizarre Bazaar by Mike Shelton (shelton) - Short, Nonsensical in a 'forgot to take your meds' kinda way - See what happens when a writer becomes unhinged and simply puts words on paper.  Everything is what it seems, and none of it makes a damn bit of sense. 17 pages - pdf, format 8)

Mike,

Are you ok? Been hitting that keyboard a bit to much lately.  I recommend a nice cup of relaxing herbal tea followed by a good night sleep and you'll be back to your old self in no time.

Just kidding.

I dug the script.  I like these stream-of-consciousness, no rules, f*** the format-nazis sort of scripts and I could only imagine how good it feels to write one.  

I have seen others like this and they're all great reads that give you a good chuckle.  Yours is no different - well it is different than the others but not different...oh forget it -- it was different.

The main issue with this type of script is filmability.  And since you don't write a script like this expecting it to be filmed then that doesn't really matter -- does it?

However, most of the humour here is tied up in your asides.  Wouldn't it be nice if at least some of that humour had the potential to be on-screen (even though that is likely never to be an issue).  You could always make those asides VOs.  I think that would work for most of them.

Otherwise loved it.  Good work.      

I think this script could easily be filmable.  Rewrite it in film noir style with the writer walking in and out with a laptop.  

I understand that the script is the spontaneous flow from you disease-widden, mother-hating mind, my only critoicism is that it rang a little too long.  The jokes made it an enjoyable read and what you reveal about yourself says a lot.


Phil

Thanks for reading guys.

I do think that it could be turned into something filmable, if I wanted to change the asides to VO and all that, but this was really about being unrestrained.  I don't know, I guess it was just a spur of the moment, odd idea that I ran with.

Phil,

It might be a little long, but I forced myself to stop after  a little over two hours.  I did go back to edit, but that was about it.  I left a lot of stuff hanging out there, and had I chosen to continue, I'd probably still be writing it.  When something goes down on the page as soon as it goes into your head, those pages fill up quick.

It's an odd way to write, but it was fun.  I just hope those who read it get a few chuckles from it.

I thought it was a good piece, from a good excercise.  Not an original excercise, but it made an enjoyable read.

I do not recommend that everyone try this!


Phil

"This script is going to make a million dollars
because of its forward thinking."

I AGREE!

Don't pass up the credit, This was beyond odd..and i got many chuckles from it. So there, good job by you!

Me personally i enjoyed your story ending with Mr Stuffy English Ponce covered with bees.

But i also enjoyed that gunfight part. I think i would switch the two... The gunfight appearing just before the bees, saying something to the effect of "oops, wrong one". then cut to Mr English covered in bees. You saying "There. That's better."

Also, for some reason i want to hear the line..."Mr English, you've got that stick  to o far up your englsh channel."

Just some small thoughts.

Great job!...Who am i kidding, that was fucking boss.

Bryan.

Flashes of brilliance -- flashes of things familiar -- and even the itty-bittiest of shout-outs that nobody will notice but me but I did notice.

Feedback is useless here.  Revision is not the point.  Is it the perfect script?

That question is rhetorical, of course -- I point this out only to stop you from responding even though you know damn well it is rhetorical.

I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it and that is what counts.  What else is there to say, really?

I too think this could be filmed with the VO.

Regarding the script itself... it left me feeling really dense because I have a feeling most of the jokes were lost on me. I liked the idea of what you did and I'm sure you had a lot of fun writing it. Don't take me wrong, it wasn't bad or anything. Just not for me I guess, but you already know I'm a little off so what I think doesn't really matter.

Hi Mike,

This kinda reminded me of Naked Lunch but that would be copyright infringement.  Seriously, this was awesome.  I know I haven't read many of your works and can't compare, but can compared to everyone else, this was awesome.  "Can I say that twice?  Scew it, it stays."

Such a refreshing way to write and read.  I felt I was taken on a journey through your mind and that I didn't have a clue as to how this was going to end.  And that too was excellent.

Make this into a feature and this time next year, you'll be a millionaire.

What a cool script.

All the best,


Javier

Um, don't you have a little notebook where you just jot down any ideas that pop into your head. You got enough material here for half a dozen short scripts.

This was funny funny funny but kind of pointless. But I do so love the scene with the puppet. That was gold.

So now that you got that out of your system are you all right? Did you resolve your issues cause I detected a bit of angst in your story.

Thanks for checking it out guys.  I'm glad the reads seem to be pointing to what I had intended to do, which was to simply entertain.

Bert,

Thanks for taking it what it is.  I can't complain over seeing the word brilliance in any review, even in flashes.  I read back through this again last night, and I was actually surprised at how a lot of the things actually managed to fall together in callbacks and what not.  I guess that's one advantage of writing such a large amount over such a short period of time.  You don't forget things as easily.

A feature would definitely not be a problem, since this is something that could literally go on and on and on when you think about it.  You just write and write and write.  Nothing is out of bounds, and you're free to do whatever the hell you want without any type of repercussions.  And even if there are, who cares?  I don't think I would attempt something like that though, based on the fact that it would get a little tiresome.  A feature would definitely have to use VO, and seem more filmable, all the while holding a structure similar to Kentucky Fried Movie or Amazon Women on the Moon.

Angst, Tonka?  Not really.  At least none that's serious.  Just all in good fun, and a tiny bit based on experience. But it wasn't talky, right?  ;)

Ha ha! I loved this. I had thought about writing something like this before, I just didn't have the guts to do it, even as an excercise.

The "Penis shaped? My word" line literally made me shoot my orange juice through my (non penis-shaped) nose. It was only then, that I noticed I felt like I had already read five pages at least, and I was shocked when I saw that I was only on pg.3! Every single word before that was pure entertainment. Filmmable? I don't know. Maybe through a re-write as others have suggested--but it is definitely entertaining.

The copyright infringement jokes also made me laugh a lot. Jerry's death wand all the "Screw it. It stays" moments were also pretty damn hilarious.  

So what if it's nonesense? So what if it's just an excercise? It's still one of the most entertaining shorts I've ever read.

--Julio

Hey Mike, I can't help but notice that most of the funny comments are written as description, this surely would make sense as being a V.O. or something wouldn't it? I think a kinda narrator through the script would be hillarious, not that this isn't anyway.

The copyright infringment and the missing 'o's are really funny.

pip pip and hoity toity, genius!

Always finish with a gunfight!

Well I thought that was the funniest thing I've read for years, didn't make much sense but who cares but I'm currently working my way through my 5th lager so I could be wrong lol. I know one thing for sure though Mike...you gotta stop smoking that shit!

Brilliantly funny.

nope,  no talky. But the narrative, action was a bit of a chatter box. It must be exhausting listening to the little voice inside your head.

Julio and Alffy,

Thanks for checking it out.  Additions of VO would make this more filmable, sure, but it would have also required some thought into what I was writing, and this just wasn't about that. ;D

Anyway, glad you guys enjoyed it.

Hey Mike

Really enjoyed this, good work. Not goin' to elaborate as it's all been said & you have explained your reasons & motivations for writing this which makes it all the more refreshing, kudos

Col.

Hey Mike

I appreciate you checkin' out "Engaged". You have been writing for long time it seems & possess an impressive body of work so getting a few lines from you means alot.

I see "The Swingin' Sounds of Jack Amsterdam" is at the announced stage on IMDB you got your foot in the door now, best of luck with that.

If you find the time you might have a read of my other short. I 've made a few slight alterations to what you see here, but nothing major. Once again thanks for taking the time to check out my work.

Cheers.

Col.

Okay, I hate to say this, but that was a big, steaming pile of... fun.

Had me LingOL is several places.  I even LedMAO with the final shot of SEB at the end.

Quite clever.  I hope this exercise exorcised those writerly demons infesting your skull.  I don't want to condone this kind of behavior in others, but thanks for the wild ride.

Unfortunately, this is exactly the same as a script I wrote last year, so I'll be suing you for Copyright Infringement.  Pucker up buddy, this is going to require at least a 3-figure settlement if you want to avoid playing Sigfried and Roy with your new cellmate!

Cheers,
-RayB

P.S. Remind me not to let you babysit my kids ever again...

Hey Mike,

I fucking loved this...overall. I loved the idea behind this -- stickin' it to the man (the format man, that is), and the random'ness of the way you/the writer tells a story. And lets face it, the real story isn't about the characters in the script -- it's about you/the writer. And Dr. Phil would have a fucking field day with you. But who gives a shit about him anyway.

The tiger mauling scene was fucking awesome, I actually laughed out loud at that one AAAAARRGGHH!

The copyright infringement-lines got a little stale as time went on. I liked it the first two-three times but after that I was hoping you would change it a little. Like "Kinda like so-and-so, but not exactly so-and-so cos' that would be...you know what I mean." (or something, you know, actually funny).

It did get a little wordy, or at least, that's what it felt like. While your description were certainly funny they did feel a little on the long side after a while.

But overall, this was very refreshing and a big-ass kudos to you for having the stones to do it.

Cheers
Rob

Thanks for checking it out guys, and I'm glad to see a couple of instances where people laughed out loud.

As far as the copyright infringement thing, I will agree that I may used it a couple of times too many, and even thought so myself when I read back through it after submitting.  Had I gone about writing this in a proper way, I probably would have edited some, but given that I only went back to check for typos, everything had to stay.

Hi Mike,

Thought this was great.  A visual metaphor of a man on the brink of writing a strongly worded letter to the give me a break from all the damn rules and regulations when it come to writing foundation.   You've definetly got a novel in you along the line somewhere.

I had a think of how I would film this, and I'd have you (or indeed the main character) sat in a living room, with an open laptop perched on coffee table, ready to write.  

And as the character writes, everything appears on a TV screen.  With which the lead character interacts.  Or something like that anyway.


Cheers

Lee

Hey Lee, thanks for the gander.  

I do think the way you've laid out would make it fairly easy to film, it's just a matter of a simple rewrite.

It's funny.  I set out to write a bunch of ridiculous nonsense with no real goal in mind, and now I wonder what it would look like if somebody actually filmed it.  I guess it's just the oddness of it all and being curious as to how it would translate.

As far as writing a novel, that would be pretty scary.  I think I write far too much dialogue to live in that format.

Thanks again.

I'm not sure if any scene will ever top Stuffy English Bastard covered in bees. I had to stop reading to wipe the tears away.

I have to agree with Bert that this is not recommended for all. Most of us would not write something this funny.

Also, you spelled "Trivial" wrong on your title page. Or maybe you were trying to spell "Tribal"? But then the title wouldn't make sense.

James

Quoted from James R Also, you spelled "Trivial" wrong on your title page. Or maybe you were trying to spell "Tribal"? But then the title wouldn't make sense.

Congratulations!  You've discovered the super secret, intentional typo, and have therefore won a prize!

Think of it as getting a golden ticket for a tour of the chocolate factory, but instead of a tour of the chocolate factory, you get to appear in my next script, covered in bees.

Thanks for checking it out, and I'm glad you found it funny.

Quoted from Shelton Think of it as getting a golden ticket for a tour of the chocolate factory, but instead of a tour of the chocolate factory, you get to appear in my next script, covered in bees.

As long as they don't cover my loin cloth. It was a gift.

Hey, Mike.

Just writing down some notes as I read:

Pg. 1:

You can't fade in on a black screen. You can just start out with the lines of...Oh, I just read the second sentence.



I loved this.  A script has never made me laugh out loud like that.  There were other people in the room as I was reading looking at me like I was crazy.  They came over and looked at my computer expecting to see a streaming video of a dad getting hit in the kumasagabees or something and not a page of just text.

I think this might make you acclaimed.  And I think you might have made a couple writers around here a little jealous also.  Thanks for the entertainment.

And P.S.:  I really am thinking about going through and listing every "structural" error that I see.  My life really is that empty.

P.S.S.:  I was expecting you to make fun of some cliches, though, like maybe how after every love scene everybody rolls up perfectly into their blankets and hides their genitals.  Most of the real life love scenes after I'm done end with someone wiping stuff off their face.

P.S.S.:  And I know you, please no sly remarks about how you think it's me wiping the stuff off my face.

He RC,

Been awhile since I've seen you.  Good to have you back.

I will apologize for causing you to laugh out loud and look like a weirdo in front of your friends.  I mean the looking like a weirdo part, not the laughing part.  It would be crappy of me to apologize for making you laugh out loud when that was my intention in the first place.

Also, I should note that if you're legitimately weird looking, I can't apologize for the stares you receive either.  That's God's work.

In response to P.S. - To be fair, in order for you to go through and find out everything that is structurally wrong with this, you'd have to know the structure of my mind.  The "ins and outs" so to speak.  Do you really want to go there?

In response to P.S.S. - I don't think I'm quite done with scripts of this nature yet.  I have so many random ideas at any given time, that I'll be compelled to have another "session".  When?  I have no idea.  You just have to want to do it, and not overload people with things of this nature.

In response to P.S.S - It should be P.S.S.S., and even then it's not accurate.  Observe.

P.S. = Post script

P.P.S. = Post Post Script

P.P.S. = Post Post Post Script

Just use my little guidebook, remember that you can't fade in on a black screen, and everything else is moonshine and rainbows.  

Moonshine?  Shit, that should have been sunshine.  To hell with it, it stays.

Thanks for reading.

Hello Mike,

I've finally got around to reading this and completely enjoyed it! The thing is, that it's not just the writing, but it's a projection of your personality that I enjoy as much as the writing itself.

Regarding filming it: I kept imagining "the writer's thoughts" as being personified into a double next to the writer themselves. Dressed up in some crazy costume, maybe even like a superhero with a cape. And as the writer types, the superhero Thought Guy speaks aloud, to Stuffy English Bastard.  ;D

Also, when the writer debates with himself, he debates with Thought Guy.

Re this:

The video store didn’t have it? What the hell has
this world come to when a video store doesn’t carry Blazing
Saddles?

You're not far off in this kind of truth at all. The video store near me doesn't carry The World According to Garp and a whole slew of others that you would think would be staples. Can I say "Staples"? (an office supply store here in Canada). Guess that might be copyright infringement.  ;D Those asides, I really enjoyed. Asides aside, what makes this so funny is it's true! Isn't that what goes on in your head? Of course it is. And I don't know about other writers, but I can relate.

You putting a link to this in Tommyp's thread: Looking at the thought process of writing is good. I'm sure people will get a kick out of it AND, I hope some will be inclined to take a little walk on the wild side once in awhile at least, and take themselves a little less seriously.

From my perspective this:

With that, up your ass, Captain Format.

INSERT: PICTURE OF CAPTAIN FORMAT, BENT OVER AND READY TO
GET A TYPEWRITER STUFFED UP HIS ASS.

Just really had me laughing. And I thought THIS, is true-blue Mike Shelton, from start to finish.

I would like to think that yes:

This script is going to make a million dollars
because of its forward thinking.

And if it doesn't:

Who cares. We'll just write that it did!  ;D ;D ;D

Sandra

Hey Sandra,

Thanks for checking out the script.  I try to avoid putting plugs for my own work in other threads, but I thought it was pretty fitting given my take on the writing process, and could explain more than a simple post ever could.

I've given some thought into taking this into the feature realm lately, with the asides turning into back and forth dialougue between the writer and his conscience.  The main issue here is that I want it to take place entirely in a single location, so all of those oddball locations will be shifted into an apartment.  Not sure how well this will go over, but I think it's worth a shot if the characters can maintain their eccentricities.

Thanks again for the read, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hey Mike.

Thanks for linking this in the other thread. The script was very interesting. I liked it. I don't think it would work on screen, but someone could try. There are many jokes which only people that write scripts would get. Many other general ones though, obviously.

No other comments really, except it was a fun read and I enjoyed it.

Well done.

Hey Mike, nice little read. It looks like you had the flash of inspo and just ran with it. That's the way comedy or satire or parody or whatever should be done. IMHO anyway.

Um, as to filming it? Maybe as a animation of sorts? Do it like one of those corporate training vids or something. Cheers man.

Hey guys,

Thanks for reading.  As far as the filming aspect, it would be damn near impossible to do it the way it's presented now, but I've got some ideas about how to rectify that once I get around to working on stuff again (when it gets colder).

Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm still reading, but I had to post this.  I found the lead actor (SEB):

Nigel Davenport:



OK, I just finished reading and I must say. . .I'm exhausted!  I feel like I've run a mini marathon.  It was like running a verbal gauntlet.  Funny in spots, but overwhelming in others, as stream of consciousness can be.

Filmed.

Wow! Looks like I read this 14 years ago!!!!!!!!

Just watched it and I think it's brilliant! The SS forum might have changed some. Matured a bit, I guess, but the same writing issues still remain. Captain Format is still alive and well, just not as loud.  :D

The editing was really great. The V.O carries the film, but the stock videos work really well and keeps the budget ultra low. Brilliant!

Congrats, and hope you stick around. We could use a funny guy around here.  8)