Not Another Teen Vampire Movie by Stephen Hoover - Short, Spoof - Brief spoof of "Twilight" 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

Where's the pay-off? It just... ends. The script is nothing but a girl trying to guess what a guy is... and she doesn't ever find out. Give us a punch line. Give us something.

It was correctly formatted. Keep writing.

~Zack~

Hello Stephen,

Nothing much happens.  Alot of one liners and nothing really closes this off.

The last line sounds like it belongs to your other character ...Closer, but no.

If Berra is trying to prove a point to back up his arguement, it really needs a rewrite to clear the air.

You have a few one liners to grab a laugh.  The phone a friend/ask the audience joke is a tad overdone.

I think Berra should say that a zombie is smarter than Louis who is suppose to be some kind of dumb superhero.  Then setup a surreal challenge between the zombie and Louis.  Louis fails, point made.

All the best,


Javier

hahaha "a canadian?"
funny
nice format
well written
and it takes the piss out of twilight
i enjoyed it
muchlove, jayden :)

I enjoyed this a lot as a quick, easy read. I was immediately interested because of the (over)hype of Twilight, which in my opinion was mediocre. Anyways, it was formatted flawlessly and the one-liners made me laugh, but I agree that it needs some sort of pay-off. Perhaps the Zombie/Louis match that jayrex suggested.