Food Chain by Gary and Stephen (gm giles and stebrown)  writing as:  Mac 'n Cheese - Short, Sci Fi - A family man goes to great lengths to put food on the table and solves the food shortage. But for who? 15 pages - pdf, format 8)

This was excellent!

I enjoyed it very much, and I think this pair should work together more often.
I don't want to give away the story, but I do want to say that you kept my interest. I thought it was a garden, and was surprised to find out otherwise.
The ending was pretty good, too. Had me thinking of The Gremlins ;-) and I also liked the reference to one of our writers scripts. ;-)

Very, very nice.

Cindy

I really enjoyed this script.  Usually, when I start reading OWC scripts, it takes a couple of scripts before I find something I really like.

I didn't think you expressed the food shortage urgency enough.  Some more emphasis would be good.  While onions aren't a food source, themselves, you could mention that these ones have some nutritional value.

I also had a problem with the Bruce Willis references.  The name was only brought up in dialogue once; the rest was in narrative description.  If this was produced, as is, moviegoers would hear his name and go, "Say what?" and never have it explained to him.

The Springstein reference was a bozo-nono.

Over all, though, this was a very good script, something I'd like to see rewritten and elaborated on.


Phil

I thought this one worked pretty well, and I enjoyed how you jumped around over the course of time with the flashbacks and what not.  Thought they were used pretty well here.

I didn't have any issues with the Springsteen or Bruce Willis references, but the Alien one through me a bit.  Granted, I think it was somewhat warranted in what you wanted to accomplish, but I couldn't get the image of those aliens out of my head, even after you described them as they should be.

Good script, and a nice way to start my reading for this challenge.

Oh, and thanks for the nod.  I just hope I don't have to wait that long for it to actually be played in a theater. :)

I liked this. I thought it was easy to follow and it was pretty good sci fi (though I'm not certain that the science part all pans out). The beginning had touches of 2001.  I thought the characters were quite well done.

I had an issue with the idea of a comet being stable enough to drive a vehicle on or there being a cave with anything in it on the comet.  A comets surface changes as it nears the sun.    Also, the idea of something growing or something living on a comet and attacking Dan was very far fetched. Furthermore how would anyone discover it. Much better if you set it on Mars or even Europa.

The other problem I had was the Alien popping out of Dan's stomach.  I thought that was well too Alien.  Put on your creative hat and think of another way.  

All in all it was a good read.  Well done.      

I liked this script, but found a couple things that could have/should have been tied together better.  

When Rachel tells her husband that they are coming...the screen goes black...and then Dan (her husband) has the thing coming out of him...it should have been the same thing with her since they all got sick from the same thing.  

I DID like the ending...as I didn't see it coming. Reminds me a little of Cornetto's "Deamon Beach."

It should be tightened up and cleaned up...even though we had two weeks to do it...that should always be a priority in my book...after all we are writers. :)

Nicely done though overall. ;)

i didn't read this properly first up but have now. tops! i was a little put off early by the detail and tecnie space talk but as it unfolded it was ok. the formatting is good apart from the odd spelling error. the ending is greta and gives that bit of humour required. well done!

I kinda liked this one in some ways, and I thought the beginning was pretty good.  There were some mistakes that took away from teh read.  I did not like the all the pop culture references.  I also do not undersatand teh ending at all, and feel it took away from waht was pretty good up until then.  The alien references were what put this over to the wrong side for me,a dn I think it's inexcusable with the bursting from the stomach routine, whcih has been done to death now.

Kinda funny, cause the hubby and wife were so cutesy with each other, it reminded me of Danny and Carlie!!!  So,, I liked their relationship for sur.

All in all...uhhh...not bad, but lose teh alien stuff as well as the ending, and it's not bad at all.

I liked this one and I thought it fit the theme and genre pretty well.  It was well written and easy to follow eventhough it does jump back and forth in time.  I also liked the song references, I know that its a big no no, but I dun care.  Plus it had a good ending....Can't wait to see that movie too, I thought it was cute how you through that in there....lol.  anyways good job on this one.

This one is clearly the winner!!!!  ;D ;D ;D Enough said.

Sandra

Well this didn't make any sense at all. Space onions? What is all that about? My Gran could write better and she is 89, arthritic and dead!  No, no, no this will not do at all. Bruce Willis? Bruce Springsteen? Two Bruce's don't make a right and this was just shite. Worst one yet, sorry.

Quoted from Murphy Well this didn't make any sense at all. Space onions? What is all that about? My Gran could write better and she is 89, arthritic and dead!  No, no, no this will not do at all. Bruce Willis? Bruce Springsteen? Two Bruce's don't make a right and this was just shite. Worst one yet, sorry.

I agree entirely! Well said Gary, someone had to be honest.

I thought I had already read Gary's script, but based on his and Ste's review for this I'm going to say that they wrote this.

I enjoyed this one. It was overly solid and very well written. It fit the theme and genre nicely.

The ending wrapped thing up nicely. If I did have a problem it'd be the song reference. I hate Springsteen.

~Zack~

Hey friends,

Nice little script you got here!

I can't really think of anything specific that I found irritating, or problematic with your script, so I guess Just keep up the good work!

-Tyler

That was really fun to read.  I read one other script from this challenge about pills and it was just a little too corny and poorly written.  I always miss these challenges because I don't check this site enough but I'd love to participate in the future.  Granted, my script will resemble the pills one far more than it will this, but practice is how you get there.

This was good right up until the ending - which went right over my head. Some of it was funny, some of it was weird (space onions?), some of it was just cool. It did get a little creepy when the whole family started to fall ill but then came the Alien and that sucked major ass - well, it did.

All in all a funny, creepy, confusing read. Kudos :)

Okay. Major points awarded for Space Oddity and a comet named after Bruce Willis. I also thought the origins of the food shortage were better thought out than most of what comes out of the genre. It seemed plausible yet wasn't overly political. It worked for me anyway. I also liked Dan's interaction with his family. I thought there was a lot of chemistry there. I'm not sure how I feel about the space onions being alien seeds (?). On one hand, it puts a clever spin on the Alien series. On the other hand, it's derivitive, which hurts the script even worse, considering how well it was set up. I mean, I knew there was something sinister about the stuff but I was hoping for a different angle. As for the ending, I don't know. Kinda fun. Kinda hokey. Not sure if it fit... I don't know. I'm on the fence.

Anyway, a mixed bag, overall. There's some really good stuff here but I'm not quite sure you guys really knew what to do with it. It's not bad but it could've a lot better.

This was enjoyable and very sci-fi. I did think the idea of a comet being named after Bruce Willis of all people was a little strange, but meh. It had a nice beginning, middle, and end to it, and unfolded nice and easily as it went along. I thought everything was explained pretty fairly as well.

It's actually a good thing that you didn't attempt to cover the Alien nod, since people would have probably given you a hard time if you had. It ended a bid weirdly, but that seems to be a trend on this one.

This had some solid writing and adhered to the theme, but overall I didn't really like this one for a couple of reasons. It felt like this short was stuck in second gear the entire time. Nothing really interesting or provoking happened. Even when the alien bursts out of Dan, it just seemed like a tired rehash on an old gimmick.

I called the ending as soon as Dan arrived in the cave. It reminded me of an old Futurama episode were the crew finds an irresistible source of food on a distant planet, and they discover that the so-called "Popplers" were actually alien babies.

Overall this was a good effort, but didn't work for me.

Hi,

I liked this.  Felt this followed the challenge set out and was an enjoyable read.

The Alien thing was a strange angle to mimic although it did work.  I do think that life growing within yourself is very creepy and what I think is visually creepy is to see  animals crawl under your skin.

The build up was good about the loss of food, war and the comet Willis.  And the actually ending was humorous.

All the best,


Javier