Admit One (filmed as Poetry Man) by Mike Shelton - Short - A  chance meeting between two people from different backgrounds and with little in common, proves that you can't judge a book by its cover. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Very good!  Very good!  You had me fooled as well, in that I was thinking, "Why are homeless guys always lost poets or philosophers?"  Very cool!!

That girl is a 'separated at birth', with a young lady who used to work in our office.

Spoilers************






I liked the script.  My response, however,  is clouded by having watched the film first then read the script.  Insert usual comment about sound quality here (which the screenwriter has no control over).  They should have left the original ending as scripted rather than have it end with Victor saying, "Dress rehearsal".  As filmed, at the end Victor came across as an old guy looking to nail a co-ed.  As scripted, it came across much less creepy and more so like an actor caught in costume and reacting to the situation.

Don

I was going to bust on you about including the whole, entire poem....until I checked and saw that was not your doing.

Hence the title change, I suppose.  And the ending -- with the little wave on the bridge -- is a little cornball.

But again -- turns out all the stuff I was going to complain about wasn't yours.  I think your instincts are getting good, Mike.

Clever premise, and works better with your version (and title).

The producer/director spits out some good quality stuff in short amount of time.

great job dude. As mentioned earlier, I loved the duck's laughing!  :D

That was fantastic. Great editing and acting. Really liked it. I would have read the script first, but I usually get more surprised when watching the film rather than reading the script. But that was a cute ending. Everyone did a great job!


Sean

Hey guys,

Thanks for watching, glad you enjoyed the film and the script for those who looked at both.

As far as the title of the script itself, I can't really take credit for it.  I had a discussion with Daryl, the director, during the day a couple weeks back, and he gave me a basic setup which I fabricated this story around that night using "Vagrant" as a placeholder.

I sent the script off, and the next morning I got word that he liked it, and suggested a few alternate titles.  I ended up liking Admit One the most, since it applied with the ticket aspect, yet had a little deeper meaning as well, so I went with that.

There was a bit of talk about building up the tension aspect at the beginning, and I was a little surprised that it went the way it did with the newspaper and what not after the fact, but I was happy with how that part turned out.

I found the sound to be of fairly good quality, but was disappointed that Jill's initial response to Victor's "Thanks for not running away" dropped out a bit.

One question... Did Victor's acting display come off as obvious right away, or did you buy into the fact that he could really be angry, as Jill did?  I'm a little torn on that part.  

A funny note about that part, my wife thought I used some dialogue from the opening scene of "Happiness", which it isn't even close to, but I thought it was cool since I like that scene so much.

Thanks again, everybody.

I thought it was obvious he was pulling her leg on the acting part.  But her belief that he was irrate seemed genuine enough.

Hey Mike,

Congratulations. I thought the overall production here was pretty damn solid. It's a good story but like others have mentioned...the script (especially the ending) worked better.

Cheers
Rob


Shelton PI


Magnum PI

Another Yak Yak moment from chatterbox Shelton.

Are you as talkative as your characters you write about?

I don't know if it was the actors or the direction, but I was mesmerized as I watched at how fluid and natural the dialouge just flowed of the actors tounges. It felt so real and genuine. Beautiful stuff.

Shelton's dialouge rocks!  

Hey Mike,

Good work.  That director must really like corny romantic endings.  Luckily your scripts are solid enough to handle such changes.  Well done.

Quoted from tonkatough Shelton's dialogue rocks!

For posterity. ;D

To answer your question, probably.  I do have a habit of talking a lot, but I can go the other way and listen a lot as well, which is probably more beneficial when it comes to writing dialogue.

Quoted from mcornetto Good work.  That director must really like corny romantic endings.  Luckily your scripts are solid enough to handle such changes.  Well done

Yeah, he definitely likes the more lighthearted stuff, which doesn't bother me at all cause I have a habit of writing things like that quite a bit.  The collaborations we've done so far have gone very well, and I look forward to doing more if the opportunity should arise.

And Sniper...I knew it was only a matter of time before someone dropped the Magnum on me.

He did a good job especially on such short notice.  Makes you wonder why it takes some competitions especially years to make a winning short into film.

He had good actors too.

Hey Mike, good job. I think it’s a good example of how a story can have a good twist without an Earth shattering twist. It’s simple and sweet and effective. Yes, the ending was sappy, even for me. But it’s the kind of ending that a lot of people will like so maybe the director is just “giving them what they want” so to speak.

Either way, nice job. To you, the director, the actors, and the crew. It’s above average.


Breanne

Hey Mike, just read the script and watched the film. Good stuff all round.Have to agree with the earlier comment that 'Shelton's dialogue rocks!' The script really flowed and the guy who played Victor did a great job I thought.

I have to say that the ending in the film is pure stilton but if that's what the director likes then what the hell, it still works.

Good stuff fella.

Read this at work. I liked it. Didn't see the end coming. Diagloue was great as well. Nothing much to comment about from that. :) I'm going to see the short film later.

Gabe

Thanks for checking it out everybody.  Glad you enjoyed it.

Breanne,

I'm glad you liked the twist.  When I conceived the idea, I was pretty fond of it myself, and it was just a matter of building up to that.  Seems to have been fairly well received, and for that I'm glad.

Ste,

Thanks for the comments on the dialogue.  I get nervous sometimes because people have commented on the dialogue being good in a script, but when I see the finished film it comes off as a little clunky, and I end up pulling my hair out over it.  "They weren't supposed to say it that way!".  I've been getting better with that though, and had no problem at all with the delivery in this one.

Ripley,

Thanks for checking out the script, and I hope you enjoy the film as well.

Hey Mike,

I really, really enjoyed watching this. The twist at the end came as a big suprise, i never saw it coming but I liked it. I actually had to watch this on my Itouch because flash on my computer isn't working at the moment.

But It was well worth it. I really enjoyed this :)

Kacy.

Hey Kacy,

Thanks for watching.  Glad you enjoyed it and that the twist came as a surprise.  I was really afraid it would be obvious, but I'm glad it hasn't been so far.

I thought the entire story was cliche and predictable and the dialog was too on-the-nose.  I don't understand all the praise people are giving you, Shelton.

All kidding aside, I did like this piece and was genuinely surprised by the ending.  Usually, I can pick these things out well in advance; I couldn't this time.  Maybe it was because I got involved in the story.  The dialog flowed very naturally, I thought.

Victor's performance, I thought, wasn't the greatest, particularly when he as 'seeing if he still got it.'


Phil

Thanks, Phil.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.  The twist seems to be getting everybody, which is surprising, but I won't complain about it.  That's the whole point. :)

The dialogue part is basically why I argue when I'm told I have too much.  It may seem like a lot, but it generally flows and comes off as natural when it's all said and done, if it's executed well.

I'm not sure if the performance aspect is my fault or not, since I'm actually thinking I didn't write it the right way.  Too much time in between gives away that it's an act I think.  Oh well, live and learn.

Liked the script.  The story is kind of predictable after he talks about his past life as an actor but i liked it none the less.  I thought the twist at the end kind of detracts from the theme of the short a little which seems kind of odd because it reinforces the idea of not judging a book by its cover but that's just a thought.  Good story though.  

Hey Brian,

Thanks for checking it out, but I have to admit I'm a little torn on the your evaluation of the ending.  It reinforces the idea, yet seems odd?  What is it that could have been done differently?  It's not a huge deal since it's already been shot, but it could be beneficial for future reference.

Shelton,

I checked out the video clip first and then read the script. I think they could've done a better job at the beginning when the bum reaches into his pocket and scares the girl, but other than that it was great and I guess that was because of the source material.

Congrats on having your script filmed.

Hey Bob,

Thanks for checking it out.  The interesting thing with the build up and suspense part that's contained in the script, is that it was the result of some discussion back and forth between the director and I.  

I'll have to admit to being pretty surprised at how it actually went down after all that, but how it's in there is alright, I guess, and was probably easier to film.

Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Mike

This was filmed...again.

I haven't watched it yet due to lack of speakers at work, but I figured post and let you all comment and compare.

At the beginning I thought, “How’d they get Kevin Smith in this?” Haha. I would have been scared if I saw that guy walking up in a trench coat. I would have thought he was going to flash me.

I’d have to watch the first one again to compare them. This one had plusses and minuses for me. There were several instances of close-ups on random things like her feet. I didn’t get that.

The writing is good. It exemplifies why Mike Shelton gets so many shorts produced. He writes a lot of simple single location stuff.

Congratulations, Mike. :)


Breanne

This is good Shelton. I enjoyed it. Did get me with the twist as well. Some of the angled shots are a little weird to me.

As Breanne mentioned really seemed like he was looking her up and down at one point. Good job getting this made.

Tried to watch the original to compare, its been removed???

James

Great job, Mike.  You have a knack for writing snappy dialogue.  

I give it two thumbs up.  8)

Thanks for watching all.  Glad it was enjoyable.

Quoted from jwent6688 Tried to watch the original to compare, its been removed???

I forgot the original filmmaker had switched YouTube accounts.  I updated the embedded file.

Like the first version a little better. Though I didn't like the change of title. Admit One is better. Good stuff. Love to see scripts here get made.

James

Quoted from jwent6688 Like the first version a little better. Though I didn't like the change of title. Admit One is better. Good stuff. Love to see scripts here get made.

I think in the newer one, they did a better job with the suspense angle at the beginning, but I liked the pacing a little more in the original.  

The one thing I didn't like about the original was the poem part, which was what also caused the title change.  I had no clue about that until I actually watched it.

I liked this one better than the first one I think. Thought the actors were better. Great work dude and welcome back to the writing world!  :)

Nice short, Mike.

I think the actors are great. They act and sound natural.

But I'll have to agree about the "Dress Rehearsal" part. The new one comes off a little creepy as the lead actor of a play just walks around the park and pretends to be in character.