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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Blind Date Bedlam - Filmed
Posted by: Don, February 16th, 2009, 11:56am
Blind Date Bedlam by Mike Shelton - Short, Comedy - There are good dates, bad dates, and others that are just plain weird. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)
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Posted by: Breanne Mattson, February 16th, 2009, 6:48pm; Reply: 1
Hey Mike,

Pretty entertaining. You did a good job of keeping things moving along and keeping them interesting. Some good creative little images here.

Nothing to really beat on here. About the only thing I could suggest is that the ending be taken one little step further in the set up with Elton ramping things up just before he opens the door. We know by then what the deal is with Elton and Doctor Boobela so maybe it would be good for Elton to up the ante by betting for more money or something and set himself up for an even bigger fall.

Other than that, I wasn’t totally satisfied with the keymaster line. It seemed slightly less effective than some of the more creative things Elton said earlier.

A couple of small technical things:

On page one, when Elton glances back and forth, it wasn’t clear he was glancing down the hall until a moment later when he did it again.

And on page 5 you’re missing a word: tell in,  “I’ll you that.”

Other than that it reads well, it’s strange and entertaining and a job well done. :)


Breanne

Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 16th, 2009, 7:48pm; Reply: 2
Mike,

I thought it was a crazy kind of script that gave me the same wtf feel like Pimp Juice did.

Characters and visuals were great.

I think if I had been Carol I would have been a little more freaked out. Not saying she should have "escaped" earlier, just acting a little more freaked out and nervous perhaps.

I do agree with Breanne that I would have liked to see a little more of the second girl. Sort of putting a spin on their betting. Turning the tables.

All in all, I think this would be funnier to watch than it is to read. I picture it being outrageous on film. Great job on that.  :-)
Posted by: Tommyp, February 16th, 2009, 8:55pm; Reply: 3
Mike, cool script. Pia, I don't think we need to see anymore of the second girl, it finishes at the right time.

I don't understand the "keymaster" line. Is it just random, or is there a reference I don't understand?

If both the girls are Elton's dates, then why would he meet and plan to have a date with "crazy lady"? Or is she a challenge?

Some really great lines and as usual formatting and stuff is fine.
Posted by: bobtheballa (Guest), February 16th, 2009, 9:19pm; Reply: 4
Mike -

I wasn't sure where you were going at first but as it got crazier the ending became a little more clear. The singing in particular was rather enjoyable.

My one complaint, and a very small one, is that like Breanne, I would've liked to see a bit more interaction between the two guys before the second date shows up, just so that her weirdness packs a bigger punch.

Not sure if this review is any help to you but it was an amusing read.
Posted by: Shelton, February 16th, 2009, 9:23pm; Reply: 5
Thanks for reading all.

Damn.  I knew I was going to get someone to say I should have included more of freaky girl, but I thought it would be alright to end it there with the payoff that she's legitimately weirder than Elton pretends to be.

The keymaster line just kind of popped in there, much like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.  Not the most original thing I know, but I like goofy pop culture stuff every once in awhile.  (It's from Ghostbusters, Tommy)

Pia, I agree that this would ultimately look better on film based on the visuals.  As is, I kept them fairly general and just concise enough to get my point across, but in my mind there are things that would take it a step further and make it pretty damn funny.  This is something I could do myself if I ever wanted to take my camera for a test drive and keep up with my acting, but I'm not too sure on that yet. :)

Tommy,

Both girls are challenges.  The dates are for betting purposes, where Elton bets that he can weird a girl out so much that she'll leave, presumably within ten minutes, which is where Boobela's plea to lower it to five comes in.

Thanks again for reading all.


Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 16th, 2009, 9:30pm; Reply: 6

Quoted from Shelton

Pia, I agree that this would ultimately look better on film based on the visuals.  As is, I kept them fairly general and just concise enough to get my point across, but in my mind there are things that would take it a step further and make it pretty damn funny.  This is something I could do myself if I ever wanted to take my camera for a test drive and keep up with my acting, but I'm not too sure on that yet. :)


I have a kick-ass camera... :D
Posted by: Shelton, February 16th, 2009, 9:34pm; Reply: 7

Quoted from Grandma Bear


I have a kick-ass camera... :D


Sweet I have a robe and access to a top hat!
Posted by: JonnyBoy, February 16th, 2009, 9:43pm; Reply: 8
Hey Mike, I read this and had no idea what was going on until quite close to the end. It was, as you say in the logline, just plain weird.

Then, of course, it all became clear, and I could appreciate that we were completely with Carol in her confusion. For me, some of Elton's 'jokes', such as suing the writers of the Bible, fell flat, but since he was being deliberately crazy I have a sneaky feeling they're not SUPPOSED to be funny.

One little suggestion for the end: I don't think we need to see any more of the freaky girl, but how about Elton suggesting they massively raise the stakes for the next one? He raises them double, triple even, so confident is he in his ability to weird-out. Then I think it would be funnier when he opens the door to find the freaky girl.

Overall, though, this was good, and I enjoyed it. Once I stopped feeling like I'd completely missed the point, that is!

Jon
Posted by: Shelton, February 17th, 2009, 9:55am; Reply: 9
Jon,

Thanks for checking it out.

The humor here is subjective.  It's supposed to be funny, but it's definitely supposed to be more on the weird side.  I'll take a "WTF?" over a "haha" with this one any day.

You're the second person to suggest raising the stakes.  That's an easy fix, so I'll probably implement it at some point, since I only touched on it briefly with the lowering of time allowed to five minutes.

Thanks again, and I'm glad that it all came together for you in the end.

Mike
Posted by: stebrown, February 17th, 2009, 3:36pm; Reply: 10
I really liked this one Mike. The weird humour and visuals reminded me a bit of 'The Mighty Boosh', an English comedy show (plenty of links on youtube if you wanna check them out, tis good.).

I was a bit dissapointed with the ending to be honest with you, just from the point that Elton lets on that it was all an act. I just thought everything about the set-up was great and you could have come up with something more original and funnier than it was all a bet. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in context with the rest of the script, which was very, very original and really funny. The end just came across as a little too normal. Good use of a Ghostbuster's quote tho haha "Okay, who brought the dog?"

I totally agree with Pia, that this would be much better on screen than it is on paper but I got a good idea of how it would look from the script. I think the strobe lighting bit would be insane haha

Anyway, top stuff as usual.

Ste
Posted by: jayrex, February 17th, 2009, 4:46pm; Reply: 11
Hey Mike,

I'm all for keeping the ending as it is.  I love the weird and wacky.  And the ending made it for me.

For me I think you should have Carol more worried as soon as Elton said he was superstitious.  Have her looking for the exit.  Not taking off her coat and generally looking for excuses to leave by her body language.

I also think if you inject some voodoo stuff from Dr Boobela.  Maybe have Dr Boobela give Elton a love potion right in front of Carol.  That would freak her out.

Overall, a funny read, perfect for this time of the year.  Keep the ending as it's a winner.

All the best,


Javier
Posted by: Shelton, February 17th, 2009, 5:29pm; Reply: 12
Thanks for the reads, guys.

Ste,

I've heard a lot about The Mighty Boosh, but have yet to check it out for myself.  Despite that, I won't complain about drawing a comparison, since everything I've heard has been good.

As far as the ending, I figured I could have gone one or two ways.  The way I went, or that this guy was really that weird.  The latter didn't seem like too much of a payoff in the end though, because it would just be Carol running from the apartment.

I'm definitely on board with this being better on film than paper, especially with things like Carol's level of comfortability.  A halfway decent actress would nail it no problem.

Jayrex,

See above for my interpretation of Carol.

Doctor Boobela doing voodoo?  Interesting.  Makes me think of the gag with Hightower in Police Academy (4?).  The killing the brother of Abdullah and all that, if you're familiar with it.

Per the usual, I've gone in and screwed around with it a bit (a definite advantage to hosting the scripts on my own site), but have kept the ending basically as it is, just upping the stakes a little bit between Elton and Dr. Boobela.

Thanks again.
Posted by: steven8, February 18th, 2009, 12:25am; Reply: 13
I actually get nervous when someone in a show starts acting like Elton and Boobela did in front of Carol.  It took me a couple of tries to finish reading this script.  That means you did a good job getting the idea across, Shelton.

Now, I think the ending is both better and worse in this new version.  I love the new banter between Elton and Boobela, and I like the new description and quirks of the weird girl, but I liked the Keymaster line better.  Of course, Ghostbusters is easily my favorite movie of all time. . . .
Posted by: Colkurtz8, February 18th, 2009, 8:03am; Reply: 14
Mike

First offai love the title. This was a nice, quick entertaining read. I never read the earlier draft so this was my first time meeting Elton & Dr Boobela (another great handle)

I liked how it got progressively weirder as it went along, the sporadic, sudden actions from the Doc were comical.

ELTON
You don’t get that kind of quality
on an eight track, I’ll tell you
that. -- My favorite line of the piece.

My only question would be: Would a girl go to the guys House on a blind date, is it not the norm to meet at a restaurant or whatever?

Good job, keep up the weirdness, I always welcome scripts like these

Col.
Posted by: CindyLKeller, February 18th, 2009, 9:33am; Reply: 15
Hey Mike,

Glad you got rid of the keymaster line. Not quite sure about the new line though.

What if she was a psyco killer? She could say something like hey baby, then pull out a huge knife, she misses stabbing him, and sticks it in the door?

Okay, maybe not. Maybe something like: How did you know Terry cloth turns me on? (because of the robe)...

Another thing that felt off was the Dr. Boobela line about how "we have" to make it five minutes.

If he was betting against him would he say "we". I think he'd say something like: Bet you can't make five...

but

I loved these characters. This is my kind of comedy. ;D Insane   ;D
and it would be a blast to see on film.
My new favorite of yours.

Cindy
Posted by: Shelton, February 18th, 2009, 9:52am; Reply: 16
Hey All, thanks for reading.

A couple more comments about freaky girl's line.  Hmm.  I decided to change to something I fabricated from my own mind, rather than a goof on Ghostbusters, but it's still getting mixed reviews.  I'm not going to stress on it too much, because I think ultimately it's one of those things where it's going to be liked or unliked, or maybe even changed to something entirely different if this were to ever get filmed.  Maybe I should have gone the Jud Apatow route "insert creepy line here".

Steve,

This is probably the first time where it doesn't bother me to know it took someone multiple tries to get through the script.

Col,

To answer your question, they would probably meet in a restaurant or other public place, but I got a little tired of writing scenes in restaurants and wanted to switch it up a bit, so I went with this, which isn't entirely implausible.  For reference, there's a scene in Amazon Women on the Moon where Steve Guttenberg shows up at a a girl's house for a date, and she proceeds to run his driver's license to obtain his entire history.  Kind of a funny scene, but that's neither here nor there.

Cindy,

Interesting idea with the knife, but I think that could take the script into a whole other genre....haha.  As far as the line, I'll probably just sit on it for now.  If something pops into my head, I'll adjust it.  The more random the better I think.

The "we" thing is more like "we need to agree to".  I have a habit of writing things out how I talk myself (yes, my dialogue is just me typing a conversation I'm having in my own head), and that's basically what I would say.

Thanks again everyone.
Posted by: Cam17, March 2nd, 2009, 9:03pm; Reply: 17
Ah, the dreaded Dr. Boobela.  This was funny, some of the lines were whacked out as hell.  Purple turkey abacus?  I don't even wanna know where that one came from.  

No real criticism, other than to agree with one of the other reviewers who suggested that the last Igor-like girl who shows up turns the tables on the guys and freaks the living sh1t out of them.  Perhaps shortening the first section to about five pages, establishing the game these guys are playing, then bringing in the freak.  Or what if a girl who got played by these two guys before sends in a girlfriend of hers to act like a total psycho to get a little revenge on these two and beat them at their own game.  

Just a couple ideas.  I enjoyed this one, though.
Posted by: Shelton, March 2nd, 2009, 10:10pm; Reply: 18
Hey Cam, thanks for checking it out.


Quoted from Cam17
Ah, the dreaded Dr. Boobela.  This was funny, some of the lines were whacked out as hell.  Purple turkey abacus?  I don't even wanna know where that one came from.


Things like that come from places you don't want to know about.


Quoted from Cam17
No real criticism, other than to agree with one of the other reviewers who suggested that the last Igor-like girl who shows up turns the tables on the guys and freaks the living sh1t out of them.  Perhaps shortening the first section to about five pages, establishing the game these guys are playing, then bringing in the freak.  Or what if a girl who got played by these two guys before sends in a girlfriend of hers to act like a total psycho to get a little revenge on these two and beat them at their own game.


Jesus, I think that's a concept for a feature.
Posted by: Abe from LA, March 7th, 2009, 4:47pm; Reply: 19
Hey Mike.

Although this isn’t my brand of comedy, this is one of those scripts that needs a second read to absorb the zaniness.
Right off I enjoyed the intro, the part with this girl dressed for a night out, exiting an elevator.  Then strolling down a corridor in search of an apartment.
I liked the early bit of anticipation since I couldn't be sure if Carol was bringing the weirdness, or walking into it.
The wacked-out stuff by Elton worked better on read 2, once I understood his motive.
I like the ending with the strange woman, but her line of dialogue didn't quite cut it for me.  Just to see the woman at the door (and I think this part would work better on film) and then see Elton’s expression as he turn back to the doctor with his "s**t" line was enough.

Maybe add a precursor to date #2. Perhaps while making the high-stakes $100 bet, Boobela reads Girl 2’s profile.  Throw in something unsettling, such as “she’s into grand guignol.”  The guys might not know what that means and blow it off as something kinky.  
Just a thought.

On your next draft, consider adding what I think is missing: Conflict.

The comedy is delivered, but there is no challenge for Elton.  He just does his freaky show and away Carol goes.  It’s like a one-trick pony. If this were a cheap horror film, you might say that Carol is a cardboard character set up to be slaughtered.
Now if you could write Carol as a 3-D character, the story would work better. This could be done pretty easy.
What is her motive?  Her goal?  Why is she willing to go on a date with Elton, meet him at his place and hang around longer than most?
There's got to be a lure.  Elton promised her something or that he would take her some place special.  
Her goal vs. Elton’s goal.
This could be really entertaining for you the writer.  Elton’s upping the weirdness will make more sense.
Also, by developing Carol’s character you help set up Girl #2.  We will wonder what’s next?

Or, if you decide to keep things as is, perhaps the second girl is really Carol.  If she returns in a different outfit and a wig, but still recognizable, Elton will realize that he picked the wrong date to freak out.
Take the above for what it's worth.
Posted by: Shelton, March 9th, 2009, 9:36am; Reply: 20
Hey Gary,

Thanks for checking it out.  I agree that there isn't much conflict in the script itself, as that element presents itself right when it ends.  It's weird, but I figured that going that route would present a decent payoff while avoiding going on too long.

My main thing here was a to create something like the Wonkatania scene in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.  Just random, weird, and potentially scary for some people.

Somebody contacted me about this last week, so I'm holding off on doing anything with it for now, but if that doesn't work out I'll definitely take your suggestions on board in a new draft.

Thanks again.
Posted by: tonkatough, March 10th, 2009, 3:39am; Reply: 21
Awesome! This was fantastic.

Zany wackness I can't get enough of it and you heap it on this script by the truck load.

Some wondeful imagery (strobe light dance my fav) to complement your snappy talking heads.

The only bitch I'm going to have about this one is that I can't believe you had a character called Elton and didn't give him a pair of big loud sunglasses just like - well - like Elton John.  
Posted by: DirectorG13, March 10th, 2009, 5:39am; Reply: 22
The punchline was fun but I feel like it took too long to get there. Kinda wanted it to get to the point faster. Overall, I thought it was OK. Could use some cuts here and there.

Best,

G
Posted by: theMADhatter, March 10th, 2009, 3:58pm; Reply: 23
Mike,

Hilarious. I loved it. My kind of wtf humor. Elton's rant to the radio near the end was great. I had issue with the end. I think it could've ended sooner:

KNOCK at the door.

DOCTOR BOOBELA
Double or Nothing?

[CUT TO BLACK]

...or longer to show a struggle with the freaky girl [if you'd want to make the script double the length it is now, basically]. Obviously he's a good actor if he can act like that without skipping a beat or laughing. I'd like to see him take on that challenge. Good read, keep it up.

-kjb.
Posted by: Shelton, March 10th, 2009, 8:56pm; Reply: 24
Hey Guys,

Thanks for checking it out.

Seems to be a lot of back and forth with this one in regards to length.  Some think it's too long, some think it's too short, and some seem to think that it could go either way.  Interesting.


Tonka,

You always manage to put talking heads into every piece of feedback, but I'm glad you liked the imagery in this as well, since I felt that it would be in the forefront on film.

DirectorG,

I can see your point, but I hope this comes off a bit quicker on screen than it does on the page.  A few others have commented that it would be better visually, so hopefully it ends up that way.

Hatter,

The first ending would lead people to believe that it's just another lamb to the slaughter, and I'm not sure that would give it any legs at the end.  It would just be going in circles.

The second one I could definitely do, although that much weirdness could cause the world to swallow itself. Actually, maybe not.  I've done weirder stuff. :)

Thanks again for reading all.
Posted by: escapist, March 10th, 2009, 10:05pm; Reply: 25
I really liked this script.  I thought it was funny and I didn't expect the ending at all.  Personally, I think the length is just about right.  At most, I could see ending it right after the creepy girl's line with an "oh shit" look on Elton's face, rather than cutting back to Dr. Boobela and giving Elton the closing line.

The humor here really reminds me of my sense of humor in high school, as far as the nonsense lines.  I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just uncannily similar to stuff I used to come up with.
Posted by: Shelton, April 29th, 2009, 8:59pm; Reply: 26
Just got a copy of this sent to me today.  It came out a bit differently than I imagined it to play out in my mind, which happens, but here it is.

On another note, there are a couple other people putting this one together.  If anything comes from that, I'll post them here.


Blind Date Bedlam from Irine Prastio on Vimeo.
Posted by: stevie, April 29th, 2009, 9:19pm; Reply: 27
hi mike, I'm replying after reading the actual script. when I get a chance I'll look at the vid.
This was good! The sort of humour I dig. The things I would gave a go at(in a nice way, of course) are the title: i don't think it fits the off beat story for some reason, and I also think that in the 'real world', Carol would've bolted long before it got going. Maybe when Elton opens the door, definitely when she sees the doctor sitting there.
But this si why we write, isn't it? To suspend belief for awhile. Great writing though. Cheers
Posted by: Grandma Bear, April 29th, 2009, 9:21pm; Reply: 28
The director did a good job with some of the visuals. Lots of subtle funny stuff if you pay attention. It did drag occasionally and overall I think it could have been edited a bit tighter.

Over all, another congrats to you!!  ;D
Posted by: Andrew, April 29th, 2009, 9:38pm; Reply: 29
Hi Mike,

That was an enjoyable script and the video an interesting take on it.

I love the fact she hangs around; it makes me think she IS desperate for anything she can get, and that taps into this notion of a desperado, which makes me think she gets what she deserves.

Be interesting to see other interpretations of the script.

Andrew
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), April 30th, 2009, 3:09am; Reply: 30
Decent script, lame as all get out acting in the vid they made of it. I think it almost missed the mark completley with what you were going for here.  I know it missed the mark with what I had invisioned, that's for sure.

Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.

With that said, your script was fine. Characters were exactly the bizarre freaks you wanted them to be and your dialogue worked too. I don't think you needed to show the end freak lady. That would of killed the whole thing.
Posted by: Shelton, April 30th, 2009, 8:42am; Reply: 31
Thanks for reading and/or viewing everyone.  Much appreciated.


Quoted from Baltis.

Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.


This seems to be a generalized statement, but since it's in this thread I'll respond.

For me personally, I don't think my writing quality has gone down out all.  Sure, I have a decent amount of shorter scripts posted on the site, but I also have quite a few features here.  There used to be more, but some of them had to come down.  The thing with the shorts, is that I can throw something like Blind Date Bedlam together in a few hours, yet still keep myself busy while I get the motivation to do some feature work.  I've gotten away from doing this as of late.  I have a few filmmakers that I work with, and will write shorts for them knowing they'll get produced.  The spec stuff, not as much.

Posted by: seamus19382, April 30th, 2009, 9:00am; Reply: 32

Quoted from Shelton


Sweet I have a robe and access to a top hat!


You've got a top hat guy?  DO NOT lose that connection!
Posted by: Shelton, April 30th, 2009, 9:01am; Reply: 33

Quoted from seamus19382


You've got a top hat guy?  DO NOT lose that connection!


Damn right I won't.  It's the same guy that keeps me in monocles.

Posted by: Grandma Bear, April 30th, 2009, 9:37am; Reply: 34

Quoted from Baltis.

Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.


Sorry if this isn't related to your script Mike, but I felt I wanted to chime in here. It seems things have changed a bit since last time Balt was around at SS so I thought I'd fill in.

I agree with what you are saying Baltis about there being many many short shorts here now. There is a reason for it though. In fact there are whole websites and competitions dedicated solely to the 5 pages or less scripts. I believe there are two reasons for this. One is how a lot of people watch short films. On the web, iPods and so on during work, while commuting or just standing in line. Those types of shorts need to be very short and most of them are just skits or jokes. Horror is very popular too, but comedy seem to rule. Check these guys out btw, they do a great job with super short horrors.  http://www.youtube.com/user/Fewdiodotcom

Then there is the second reason. It's so inexpensive nowadays to get really high quality filmgear that there's been an explosion in "filmmakers". They are anything from your average film buff who wants to give it a try  to serious filmmakers with decent funding. They are also looking for shorts. Most of them don't need long shorts. They just need a few minutes to show off their skills as directors/ DP and everything else that goes into making a film. They want to either show the films at festivals or they are putting together their show reels to eventually go seek funding for bigger projects.

I believe SS is a perfect place to connect with these guys. I don't even know how many people here have connected with quality filmmakers that have lead to bigger projects, but that's what it's all about if you want to go further. Connecting with people that make films. It's even happened to me. I started writing these super shorts and met several people who liked my scripts and wanted me to write on assignment. It didn't work for me though because I discovered I hate writing for others. Also one member here kept complaining that I was dull and unoriginal so I have decided to go back to writing whatever comes to my head, but for many people these 5 pagers do serve a purpose if you want to see your stuff filmed. At least that's my take on it.  :-)
Posted by: Shelton, December 8th, 2010, 4:58pm; Reply: 35
Another group decided to do this, and I must say I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Posted by: Shelton, December 8th, 2010, 9:37pm; Reply: 36
Because of the earlier shit storm (and my vanity) I'm giving this a bump.
Posted by: jwent6688, December 8th, 2010, 10:50pm; Reply: 37
First version changed your script around too much and got hokey with it. Definitely like the second version better.

Congrats on getting this made.

James
Posted by: BRBellerophon, December 9th, 2010, 9:45am; Reply: 38
I really enjoyed reading this script, despite not being able to watch the video. The internet in my dormitory makes it nigh impossible to stream videos. I'll watch this as soon as I get to a good wi-fi spot.

The script is different, in a good way though. It's good weird. As for your chracters, I really liked Elton, Dr. Boobela and Freaky Girl. However, I did not like Carol. For me, she didn't seem to realistic. Was she just jaded? Has she seen her share of weirdos already to prevent her from running within the first few seconds? Just a personal gripe. She's not all that bad, I'm just saying she pales in comparison to the other ones you've created, all of whom are quite memorable.

The ending is predictable, but only after Elton reveals it's a dare/bet/whatever. (Not bad, since it's revealed on page 7, and it's an 8 page script.) It's cliche but cliche good. Used very well with impeccable timing.

Great work.
Posted by: Shelton, December 9th, 2010, 11:59am; Reply: 39
Thanks for reading/watching, guys.

Robb,

I agree that Carol is a little bit flat when compared to the others.  I guess it's just the "straight man" corner she's painted into.  There's a sense of something not quite being right about the whole thing in the beginning that snowballs until the end.  Plus, there's the case of her leaving in the first seconds and there not being a script.  :)

Thanks again.
Posted by: Baltis. (Guest), December 9th, 2010, 1:47pm; Reply: 40
Much, much better production on this one.  The one I seen had 3 people sitting around on a stage or something.  It was horribly acted.  This one, the black and white, made it pop.  I enjoyed this one and would have actually liked it to be a bit longer.  

Good on you, Mike.  I mean... Mr. Moniker since we can't use real names around here.
Posted by: James McClung, December 9th, 2010, 1:55pm; Reply: 41
Good stuff, Mike. The script is great. The film's pretty sweet at well. Has that old school Jarmusch feel but with modern sensibilities. Well acted and refreshingly absent of student film cliches. Congrats!
Posted by: Shelton, December 9th, 2010, 2:18pm; Reply: 42

Quoted from Baltis.
Much, much better production on this one.  The one I seen had 3 people sitting around on a stage or something.  It was horribly acted.  This one, the black and white, made it pop.  I enjoyed this one and would have actually liked it to be a bit longer.  

Good on you, Mike.  I mean... Mr. Moniker since we can't use real names around here.


I know which one you're talking about, and that's a big reason why I didn't post it.  Seeing it was only 3 minutes made me nervous without even watching it.  The one I posted on page 2 is the in-between one.

I have no problem being called by my name.  It's plastered all over the site as it is.

James,

Glad you enjoyed it.  I agree that this went beyond the typical student film.

Posted by: CindyLKeller, December 11th, 2010, 9:51am; Reply: 43
Hi Mike,

I thought I had read this before, and after watching it, I remembered that I did, and liked it.

The poet under the strobe light was cool, and the music they added was the icing on the cake. :-)

Pretty neat.

Cindy
Posted by: Electric Dreamer, December 11th, 2010, 11:05am; Reply: 44
Hello Mike,

Today was my first exposure to this property, I dig it.
I forewent the first version after reading the comments.
I followed along with the script while watching the second production.
I was pretty impressed with it, Doctor Boobela rawked!
Carol's a bit flat, but she doesn't have much to do, exclusively reacting through the story.
I don't think the trims overall affected the punch of your well written story.
The director kept your spirit while putting his own stamp on it.
The music was outstanding and gave the production flavor.
Congrats, you should be proud.

Regards,
E.D.
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