Blinky's Island by Cheryl Bealer-Wynton - Family, Adventure, Fantasy - After video game characters come to life, it's up to a young boy to save the town from the Puffmonster and send the characters back where they belong. 98 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

An interesting story. Clearly made for kids and it fits the log line perfectly. Nice action and character interaction. The happy ending was not what I expected which I think made it better. I liked that it wasn’t cliché. While it’s clear that at least the video game characters would need to be animated, I could see this being a completely animated production like a Pixar film.

There are a couple of problems I can help you with.

Near the bottom of page 29, I think there is a word missing. The sentence is:
“Erica runs toward the front gates, takes off after her.” Since there are no other females in the scene, I think you meant that Lucas takes off after her.

Near the top of page 62, the sentence is:
“Mrs. Lemon swoons as Mr. Lemon steps into catch her.” I think you meant that Mr. Lemon steps in to catch her.

Other than that, I didn’t see any format problems or other typos. Nice job.

Wow Michael, dedicated.

I wouldn't hold your breath hearing back from a script written in 2009, but thank you for keeping the boards active. It's a bit disappointing that a lot of the Newbs fail to interact lately.

Let's hope 2024 picks up.

Libby!

2009? I guess I should pay more attention to the posting dates. I’ll take comfort with the thought that should the author check in, they’ll be happy that somebody finally read their work and took the time to comment.

I rarely get responses to my comments outside of OWC reviews. To be honest, I don’t expect any although I do check and follow up. I admit that it is disappointing to spend an evening reading a story and composing the little advice I can lend without so much of a thank you.

The replies I do get are special and are greatly appreciated; even when the reply is not from the author themselves (which you have done twice now, thank you).

I give those authors that do reply a priority of my limited time.

Michael, after I read your review above, and before I saw your reply to Libby, I was just getting ready to post this.

You know how much I admire your indepth reviews of scripts.  Your attention to detail goes above and beyond what even a paid reviewer would note i.e. "...top of page 62...."into vs. in to".  How thorough is that?  You catch every little nuance and every little typo.  A writer could not even PAY someone for such a deep dive into their work.

You are a treasure here and I hope everyone recognizes that.  Any of us should feel honored if you take the time to review and comment on a script...even if it was posted 15 years ago.  Please keep reading and posting reviews.  I learn something from you with each of your reviews I read.  Many thanks for your devotion to improving our scripts.  :K)

Kathy!

Thank you for the compliment and the encouragement. Also, thank you for opening my eyes to the Cheeto Diet. I totally love it!