Hi all, i'm currently in the process of writing my first script and was interested in hearing your opinions on character descriptions.

The script that i'm working on is war-based, so there are a core group of around 10 main characters, and I was wondering how much of a description I should give to them.

Should i just keep it to name and age? Describe their appearance? List their traits/quirks?

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.

Tell us enough.

Now that the annoying cliche is out of the way, describe the characters as they appear on the screen.  Don't give us any additional information that isn't needed.

Good example:  CORPORAL WALTER LAKE (35) is a beanpole of a man.  His uniform is too short for his extremely tall and narrow frame.  His face thin and coarse, with a crooked and scarred nose.

Bad example:  CORPORAL WALTER LAKE (35) is a beanpole of a man.  He's the fourth of six children of a devout Protestant family.  Don't talk baseball with him unless you're a Dodgers fan.

Everything should be described in ways that can be recorded by the camera.  A character's favorite food, or what he smells like, shouldn't be in the description.


Phil

It's a good question, Steve, and there's no one right answer. Like Phil said, make sure your description can be shown on screen but also decide whether the character's physical description serves a point storywise. Does it matter whether he's short, tall, white, black? Does his traits come into play?

Character descriptions are all fine and dandy but if your charatcters all behave alike anyway then you're in trouble.

Let your character's describe themselves through action and dialogue.

On a related note, you say you have 10 main characters and I say that's a lot!

Thanks both for your advice, it's been very helpful.

I know that I said there were 10 main characters, but this isn't completely accurate - the story will follow a squad of 10 soldiers. Only a couple of them will be main characters, the rest will be support.

hi steve i think it makes no diferance to the screenplay if you have a long description i would keep it a lean as you can just describe your charactere as he looks

hi Steve,
For my two cents, with a cast of quite a few characters, even if they're minor, it's good to give the reader a description that will help identify the character, and make them unique amongst the other characters. A description that you can use repeatedly, even a character trait, that can quickly identify them. It helps the reader to keep track of who's who. So for example...

CORPORAL WALTER LAKE, a broad shouldered man of 45,  rubs the long scar across his nose.

Maybe he rubs his nose whenever there's trouble brewing. It shows a character trait AND a quick visual description. This will help the reader remember 'oh ya, he's the dude with the scar." and then "Oh no, there must be trouble brewing". And you can refer to his broad shoulders again as well, for another identifier...

"He sighs heavily, his broad shoulders rising and falling in slow motion."

With a big cast, it's important to make your characters easily identifiable, and keep the reading from becoming confused. I had the same trouble in one of my scripts, and using this technique helped a lot.

:)

Quoted from lyse With a big cast, it's important to make your characters easily identifiable, and keep the reading from becoming confused. I had the same trouble in one of my scripts, and using this technique helped a lot.

When dealing a large cast, you shouldn't introduce everyone together.  It'll be too much on the reader.


Phil

Didn't we have this conversation before? Another time, another place.

What if you have to introduce everyone at once?  With a squad of soldiers it sounds kind of likely. If you're a good writer you do it and it won't be confusing.  Otherwise, you have these strange unnamed characters who morph into named characters and scenes used only to intro characters adding pages and slowing the story.

Write two pages max where you introduce ten characters and set up your story.  If you can't do it then learn how.

But you don't have to introduce them all at one!

If your story opens up at a dinner party, don't start with everyone sitting around the table eating.  Start with Alice, Carol and Bob in the kitchen, geting dinner ready and talking.  Cut to Marcia and Greg just arriving and being greeted by Bobby; they talk a bit.  The cut to Cindy and Marcia at the bar, talking.  Then cut to Alice, disposing of Peter's body, muttering about broken promises and lost loves.

Then bring them together, after we know who they are.


Phil

I guess the part where I said "What if you have to introduce everyone at once?" wasn't clear.

In your example you just said your story opens at a dinner party.  If that's where your story starts why are you wasting time getting me to the story?  Poorly structured screenplays always have these scenes that only function to get their characters to a scene that actually matters.

Try reading the opening to Rachel Getting Married (it's the only large cast one I could find on the first few pages of this site).  In the first scene five characters are introduced as the errant daughter is picked up from rehab to be taken to her sister's wedding.  We have three of the central characters, a ton of information and a story in motion.  All in three pages.

I wouldn't write a scene where I had to introduce everyone at once.


Phil

EXT. FOREST PATHWAY, MEUSE FRANCE - DAY

Fading fog, a rising sun and the bare trees in the Forest of Argonne budding out to spring.  If not for the rotting bodies of dead soldiers on the path it would be idyllic.

With his eyes half-closed, Captain DAVID FALLON, 25, trudges through mud.  He turns up the collar of his Australian Army uniform for what warmth it can offer.

DOWD (O.S.)
Captain Fallon!

Radio operator Corporal JAMES DOWD,20, jogs up beside him. An American with a too sensitive face for his current location, Dowd falls into step.

DOWD
Captain Jenks would like to talk to you.

FALLON
Thank you, Corporal. Keep a look out.

Fallon folds down the collar of his uniform revealing a chaplain's cross.  He starts back down the line made up of stragglers from different units and different nations.

Four boys all with peach fuzz and badly laced boots march together.  Two Brits, MORGAN and SANFORD are shoulder to shoulder.  It’s hard to tell where one starts and the other ends.

Just behind them, the two Americans, WATTS and STANLEY study a racy French postcard.  They see Fallon, panic and almost fall trying to hide it.

Taking up the rear of that contingent is Sergeant LYSANDER. British army with a Slavic face, he smirks at Fallon as he passes.

Fallon picks up his pace and closes on the rear of the line where the burly Sergeant VASCO half carries Captain ADAM JENKS.  Dried blood from Jenks’ bandaged leg stains his uniform and his hands.

FALLON
You need a break, Sergeant?

The American merely grunts and shakes his head “no”.

FALLON
(to Jenks)
How are you?

JENKS
Still hurts.  Which is always a good sign.  I was seeing how you were doing.

FALLON
Don’t know if putting me in charge was the best idea.

JENKS
My long four months of being a Captain has taught me that as long as they stay in groups you’re just fine.  The boys up there have Lysander.  Vasco, O’Connor and me.  It’s the stragglers you worry about.

FALLON
Like me?

JENKS
You’re a reverend, Reverend. If you mixed too much I’d be worried you weren’t any good at your job.

DOWD (O.S.)
Captain, there’s someone up ahead!  Someone alive!

Fallon steps off the path and spots a figure, Private TOM ERICKSON, sitting under a tree several meters off.

Fallon hurries up the line and acquires Lysander.  They reach Dowd just as Erickson runs up.  

He speaks with a grin and a broad Texas accent.

ERICKSON
I’m glad to see you boys.

This is a little different than introducing/listing twelve people sitting around a dinner table, or in a diner.

Phil

Here is a description of Yvette the maid in Clue, from the shooting script:

Quoted Text YVETTE - is the French Maid.  She is, beautiful, with a great figure which is tightly encased in a maid's uniform -- black dress, little white apron and cap, sheer black stockings and dainty black shoes.  But the skirt is shorter than normal, and very tight over her bottom -- and her black dress is very low cut.  Her ample bosom is pushed right up and half out of the top of the dress.  She is an outrageous young lady, with an improbable French accent which cannot be reproduced on the page.  She has been polishing a glass, and dancing to the latest pop music on the radio.  She bends forward to replace the glass on the tray, her breasts falling beautifully forward.  WADSWORTH watches.

It seems like a lot, but I felt like I needed a cigarette afterward.

I agree. Sounded too much like someone's wet dream... YAWN!

Keep in mind that the description came from a shooting script for a comedy.  It, like the movie, were intended to be over the top.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe This is a little different than introducing/listing twelve people sitting around a dinner table, or in a diner. Phil

Right, completely different.  How ridiculous of me in staying with what the original poster was writing about in his scene.  It's all about your scene.

I'm starting to think you're obsessed with that dining room scene.  I don't think you're ever going to get over it until you write that scene.

Hmm, that sounded vaguely like a challenge...

Quoted from dogglebe Keep in mind that the description came from a shooting script for a comedy.  It, like the movie, were intended to be over the top.

I agree with the second part, but not the first.  I can't see alll that additional detail being added in just because it's a shooting script.

Quoted from Lakewood Hmm, that sounded vaguely like a challenge...

Dude, that wasn't even remotely vague.

I really hope we're not going to be challenged to do a 12 person dinner party in 15 pages. That's a little crazy. I could do a full length script over 12 people at a dinner party. Hm, the wheels are turning...

Quoted from Shelton Dude, that wasn't even remotely vague.

Or interesting.

Quoted from George Willson I really hope we're not going to be challenged to do a 12 person dinner party in 15 pages. That's a little crazy. I could do a full length script over 12 people at a dinner party. Hm, the wheels are turning...

The OWC is coming up....


Phil

Quoted from George Willson I really hope we're not going to be challenged to do a 12 person dinner party in 15 pages.

I think the challenge was 3 pages, but alas, that won't be happening.

Quoted from Shelton I think the challenge was 3 pages, but alas, that won't be happening.

There would definitely be no time for dessert.

Quoted from steven8 There would definitely be no time for dessert.

Unless that's where you opened!  Muhuhahaha!  Brilliant!

Quoted from Shelton Unless that's where you opened!  Muhuhahaha!  Brilliant!

As Wood Allen said to Charlize Theron in "Curse of the Jade Scorpion" about starting with the dessert, "It depends on what I'm eating."

Quoted from steven8 As Wood Allen said to Charlize Theron in "Curse of the Jade Scorpion" about starting with the dessert, "It depends on what I'm eating."

And Woody throws away a perfectly good opportunity to use the words "hot tuna".  Shame.

Quoted from Shelton And Woody throws away a perfectly good opportunity to use the words "hot tuna".  Shame.

Ouch!  He must be getting slow in his old age.   ;D

Quoted from dogglebe Or interesting.

I'm only being flip in the goading not about the writing.  People who write become writers by trying new things or doing things they think they shouldn't or couldn't do.  

Otherwise, they become inflexible old coots screaming at the kids playing in the street.

Quoted from Lakewood I'm only being flip in the goading not about the writing.  People who write become writers by trying new things or doing things they think they shouldn't or couldn't do.   Otherwise, they become inflexible old coots screaming at the kids playing in the street.

I'll agree with you that writers should try new things, or things they normally shoudn't/couldn't/wouldn't do.  The last time I did this, it won me first place in a competition; it will be produced this weekend (barring any delays).

To write something that you think is wrong is...well, wrong.

FWIW, I did write a 'dining room' scene once.  Only I split it up among smaller groups of people.  It makes for easier grasping of the characters.


Phil