The Guardian Knight(Batman) by Nathan Peck & Michael Dennos - Action - The Guardian Knight takes place eight months after the events of The Dark Knight. Batman is still on the run from Gotham cities' finest. His job gets a lot tougher when crime bosses start disappearing and a new industrial giant takes over Gotham. Batman will be tested with his biggest, most daring and ruthless opponent yet, The Riddler.  109 pages - fdr, format 8)

Guardian Knight (Batman), The by Nathan Peck & Michael Dennos - Action - The Guardian Knight takes place eight months after the events of The Dark Knight. Batman is still on the run from Gotham cities' finest. His job gets a lot tougher when crime bosses start disappearing and a new industrial giant takes over Gotham. Batman will be tested with his biggest, most daring and ruthless opponent yet, The Riddler.  109 pages - pdf, format 8)

The site is still reviewing the PDF script but our site has the script up, just download it and read it, review it, etc.


Also, their is indepth character bios and such on our site, future ideas and about us page.


http://scriptshooters.synthasite.com/the-guardian-knight-script.php

I was very eager to read this script. I was hoping for a professionally formatted well thought out script and since it had two writers would be very creative and dramatic. Sadly, I was disappointed. The formatting has very basic mistakes in it, scene action as personal direction, passages that go on too long. After 15 pages, nothing has really happened to advance the script. The dialouge could be far more economical. In fact the whole script could be cut by 30 pages. I like the ideas, but they need alot more work. You also posted a comment on another batman based script which borrowed from The Dark Knight and frowned upon thid practise, yet you have also expanded on the suit from that film:

What I came up with is more titanium
plating. For more protection, I added
extra plates to your weaker areas but
you or the enemy won't be able to tell
a difference. I also increased the
Kevlar fiber wrapping. The previous
suit had seven fiber wraps, this has
double that.
WAYNE
How will the weight be?
FOX
A lot, your going to be twenty pounds
heavier than your first suit. Which
is going to be roughly 100 pounds.
However, I did make the suit more to
your liking. I created the first ever
in use Ablative molding.

Am I missing something here. The suit in The Dark Knight used segmented titanium plates on top of tri weave kevlar. This one uses extra plates at the weak points, which means it's now got zero flexibility and double the kevlar, toppings out at 100 pounds? That sounds like the most impratical batsuit ever. I think you might want to reconsider the logic behind that. It would also be nice to show us rather than tell us all this info.

badbaz, thank you very much for your comments on our work.


I'm sorry you came in disapointed to the work and it is our first collaborated work as a team. The script was meant to capture a dramatic element that TDK and Batman Begins both captured in the Nolan universe. That was our ownly main goal, while of course entertaining the reader.

To answer the Batsuit, I do understand your logic on the suit. The suit was meant to seem highly impractical. The suit was meant to pull Batman out of his nature element. His element is, silence, fear, shadow, stealth and quickness. The suit is meant to fix his wounds and in turn became bulky, thick and overdone.

Also, since Titantium is the highest and strongest metal on this Earth as of now, I had to remain with the same metal texture but added some blab in the middle.

The speed of the script, in response to your "In 15 pages it wasn't going anywhere" it was meant to seem that way. Gotham turned their back on Gotham, and in that 15 pages of that story THAT IS WHAT WE ARE SHOWING.

Sorry for the inconvience and hope many reviewers and readers will continue to view our scripts in the future. Thanks very much for your opinion on it.

I actually stopped reading this after a few pages because I found the first scene so unbelievable.  While I understand that this is a Batman script, there has to be a certain level of credibility, particularly with the non-super characters.

You introduce four mob bosses arriving at a late night meeting in the classic abandoned warehouse.  No one  knows who called this meeting.  They suspect it's a trap...and they go along with it, even going assofar as to search the abandoned building themselves.  What were their soldiers doing all this time?

Again, even superhero scripts need a certain level of credibility.  THis one appears to be missing it.


Phil

As I am now writing a "BATMAN-fanfic" script myself I thought I'd go ahead and give this one a go... The outcome --> Not so good.  On the first page alone you litter it with camera directions. Asking questions to the reader... I mean, really... Why are you asking us? You're the writer, if you don't know who does?

I use to make this mistake, but only on a 1st draft. I'd write them as fast as possible to get the shell of the story down and then build on that foundtation, taking away the flaws as I saw fit. I hope you break away from that habbit.

How do we know the guys in the car are in fact "MOB BOSSES"??? Are they wearing name plates that say "MOB BOSS" on them? Why not describe them in a way we'd think they were by description?

Better yet, let us learn they are through dialogue and development. The number one thing most screenwriters do is give too much information away too soon. It's true, I learned this in a workshop I took last year... It makes sense too. People who write generally write their character descriptions do it as if they are describing a mug shut or a photo of someone. It is best to let the characters traits come out in dialogue and as the story unfolds. We don't always have to know height, weight, haircolor and what hand they are up front... It is ok to bring these and other things to light in the story itself and spoken dialogue.

Your entire first scene doesn't jive... By this I mean, these "MOB BOSSES" show up to this warehouse in the middle of the night at the request of someone they don't know and they were fine with that part. It's only when they get there do they want to "MOW EVERYONE DOWN" because no one knows the power of the mob??? C'mon, man... really?  Why even show up? Why didn't these "MOB BOSSES" talk on the way there?

--We don't see the text. Instead Malone reads it aloud. --

Not something you should put in the script. How about simply -- Malone picks up the mysterious card and reads the message aloud.  --

Sounds good to me.

The riddle itself was pretty good... I'd reword it a bit, myself tho... Take the ending two lines out. Keep the first bit.

I stopped reading after BATMAN's first encounter... I simply couldn't get into the action from that point on. You didn't really convey what BATMAN was doing in those "quick, agile, movements" and I felt you should have.

I'll probably read this and give more insight into it, as I want to study as much of the character as I can for my own script, but I'm just not feeling it.  My BATMAN is much different and won't have any ties to the new series at all. Not in look, story or development.  My Batman is very much going to be my own take on things.

For better or worse... But I feel it's coming along very well at this point. Page 47 as of tonight.

Thinks for collaborating all of your ideas on our script.


I thank all of you for providing your insights on our script. Like I've stated before, this script is the first collaboration of all of our heads together.

I do understand all your scripts, we did go from The Dark Knight and Batman Begins bases for scripting and formed out our own. So when you criticize us, your kind of criticizing TDK and BB. But no matter at all.

To answer Baltis' statements. We wanted to make Batman more dynamic than the previous movie. Everyone's view point of Batman has him talking like four sentences and they never really capture Batman himself. We did that and its a shame you all read up to the first two scenes and stop reading because some writing errors. Thats not really fair to us who wrote this script, so instead of stopping half way through, continue on with the story.

Also, reminder, it is Batman and there has to be a level of cheesyness in it.



Script Shooters

Quoted from Script Shooters Thats not really fair to us who wrote this script, so instead of stopping half way through, continue on with the story.

Is it really fair for us to have to read scripts that we don't like?  No one, here, gets paid to read anything.  Given that, you have to make us want to read the script.  And readings problematic ones are not fun.

Quoted from Script Shooters Also, reminder, it is Batman and there has to be a level of cheesyness in it.

No, it doesn't.  Where was the cheese in the last two?  After Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, the rules have been rewritten.  If you go back to the George Clooney Batman, then you'll lose your audience.  They now want him to be dark, gritty and nasty.


Phil

As an engineer, I'm afraid I disagree the statement regarding titanium being the highest and strongest metal on earth. Ceratin alloys of steel have a higer tensile strength than titanium or titanium alloy. The 'strongest' metal on earth is an alloy of about 2% beryllium and 97% nickel, with a touch of titanium. It has an ultimate tensile strength of 300,000 psi, and 245,000 psi yield strength. This is 375% stronger than the best high tensile steel. Be careful when you do your research.

Quoted from Baltis. As I am now writing a "BATMAN-fanfic" script myself I thought I'd go ahead and give this one a go... The outcome --> Not so good.  On the first page alone you litter it with camera directions. Asking questions to the reader... I mean, really... Why are you asking us? You're the writer, if you don't know who does? I use to make this mistake, but only on a 1st draft. I'd write them as fast as possible to get the shell of the story down and then build on that foundtation, taking away the flaws as I saw fit. I hope you break away from that habbit. How do we know the guys in the car are in fact "MOB BOSSES"??? Are they wearing name plates that say "MOB BOSS" on them? Why not describe them in a way we'd think they were by description? Better yet, let us learn they are through dialogue and development. The number one thing most screenwriters do is give too much information away too soon. It's true, I learned this in a workshop I took last year... It makes sense too. People who write generally write their character descriptions do it as if they are describing a mug shut or a photo of someone. It is best to let the characters traits come out in dialogue and as the story unfolds. We don't always have to know height, weight, haircolor and what hand they are up front... It is ok to bring these and other things to light in the story itself and spoken dialogue. Your entire first scene doesn't jive... By this I mean, these "MOB BOSSES" show up to this warehouse in the middle of the night at the request of someone they don't know and they were fine with that part. It's only when they get there do they want to "MOW EVERYONE DOWN" because no one knows the power of the mob??? C'mon, man... really?  Why even show up? Why didn't these "MOB BOSSES" talk on the way there? --We don't see the text. Instead Malone reads it aloud. -- Not something you should put in the script. How about simply -- Malone picks up the mysterious card and reads the message aloud.  -- Sounds good to me. The riddle itself was pretty good... I'd reword it a bit, myself tho... Take the ending two lines out. Keep the first bit. I stopped reading after BATMAN's first encounter... I simply couldn't get into the action from that point on. You didn't really convey what BATMAN was doing in those "quick, agile, movements" and I felt you should have. I'll probably read this and give more insight into it, as I want to study as much of the character as I can for my own script, but I'm just not feeling it.  My BATMAN is much different and won't have any ties to the new series at all. Not in look, story or development.  My Batman is very much going to be my own take on things. For better or worse... But I feel it's coming along very well at this point. Page 47 as of tonight.

First, thanks for the feedback.  We're taking this as constructive criticism for our future scripts.

However, as to your issue with the camera indications, look at almost any script and there's at least one instance where the writer indicates a specific camera movement he/she thinks is appropriate for the scene.

Quoted from ScriptScribe However, as to your issue with the camera indications, look at almost any script and there's at least one instance where the writer indicates a specific camera movement he/she thinks is appropriate for the scene.

Camera directions must be avoided in all spec scripts. The scripts you are talking about are probably shooting scripts, which are filled with camera directions. I know this is fan fiction and you will never sell it but when you do write something original, something you want to sell, camera directions must be avoided or they won't read any further. You're a writer, not a director, unless you are directing it yourself, don't tell the director where to place his camera.

As for the script, I too stopped after the first scene because of how unbelievable it was. All the Mob bosses falling for that? Come on.

I probably will get round to reading this right through at somepoint but I don't have any time for the next few days anyway.

Yeah, agree with the others.  I'm not going to be able to get through this either.

You guys need to break up your big blocks of text.  Don't go over 4 lines of prose per paragraph.  Like others said, show, don't tell us about Mob Bosses and such things.

When you listed the boses who waked around a wall in the warehouse, you omitted 1 of them - I thought this was on purpose adn that 1 would get away to tell what happened, but then they're all there for the riddle...and explosion.  Maybe 1 sould get away?

Again, as others have said, this is a spec script, so you don't want all these camera directions and the like.  You know, if you really feel the need, every now and then, go for it, but not nearly at the level you're showing here in the first 4 pages.  Based on that, we know exactly what we're going to get, and that's 1 of the reasons I stopped.

Best of luck to you guys!

Another thing I want to stress to the writers of this script, and just any writer in general who upload in FDr format, is this -- You are making it very easy for people, anyone, to steal and re-write your work.  Sure it's easy enough to download a great script here and copy and paste it into your software and go from there. But when you upload into FDr you are giving anyone who has FD the easy access to make changes, alter your script and ommit anything they want on the fly...

Something to think about.  PDF is always best and sure you can alter text in PDF, but you can't if "I" don't give you the right to do so. By this I mean you can make codes specific to you work that no one but you has and that means only you can alter it.

Again, if someone wants to steal your work they're going to no matter what... It's up to you to protect yourself. Me, personally, would never upload into FDr. I know you were having trouble with PDF tho, so I hope you get it worked out.

Well, we never intended to try and sell this script, because WB is looking to Christopher Nolan to come up with the 3rd movie; we mainly only wrote this for fun.

Balt, with Adobe Reader, you can change pdf files as your evil, twisted, dark heart sees fit.

Nate, a number of us take our writing very seriously.  Many of us are trying to go pro.  You'll have to forgive us if we seem harsh at times.


Phil

I'm Michael, BTW, and ScriptShooters is Nate.

I understand where all you guys are coming from, but me personally, I write scripts for fun, as does Nate.  We have no intention of going pro just yet.

Sorry about the mistake.


Phil

Quoted from Script Shooters Annoucement, The Guardian Knight has now been resubmitted to SimplyScripts for a PDF formatting for the many requested people.

Why is it an FDR file instead of PDF? ??)

Also, are you going to direct it? I say this because I notice camera directions on the first page...

Wow... How'd these guys get to be mob bosses when they're so, how do I put this, so...not very smart?
Why would they all showup at a warehouse after a phone call from a guy they don't know, who they think sounds dumb?

Ok, I'll continue reading...

They come to a GLASS WALL separating the hallway from a main conference-like area.  Some of the window panes on the wall are either CRACKED, BROKEN or MISSING.  The walls themselves are covered in grime.

You spend an entire paragragh describing the set(which is also another job the writer shouldn't do unless it's important to the story) and not much action.

I'm not sure there is much incentive to read further. You guys need to do a redraft. make sure things are plausible.