Indiana Jones and the Macedonian Empire by R. S. Phillips - Adventure - Picking up directly from the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, Indy & Marion find themselves thrust right into a new adventure when a dying man interrupts that drink she promised to buy.  The dying man delivers a cryptic message that means nothing at first to our heroes, but places them directly between power-mad Nazis and a group of Greek assassins in a race to uncover the lost secret to Alexander the Great’s dominion. 132 pages - pdf, format 8)

I'm on page 3 and I'm surprised how clean and good this script looks.

definitely thought it was gonna be a lame, improperly formatted script.

of course I'm only on page 3 so far but I give you props for having a fan script that looks so clean.

I'm about 30 pages in and I'm enjoying it a lot!

I really appreciate any and all feedback, so thanks to you guys for giving it a read.  Hopefully it'll continue to hold your interest through to the end!

Originally we had hoped to make a top notch fan film and post it on the web as a way to make a name for ourselves.  We've scrapped the film project, but I wanted to at least complete the script (without regard for budgetary constraints) as a fun exercise.  Up til now, I've been working to improve my craft as a screenwriter with original material only.  

I tried to approach it as though I had the assignment to craft a true "Raiders" sequel, aimed to please Indiana Jones fans.  Enjoy!

just finished it in one read without much effort.  phenomenal script.  really read like vintage jones, with the typical car chases and repeatedly having the artifacts stolen.  excellent stuff.

A few small notes:
too many camera direction at start.  I understand that the meandering view is important, but maybe describe it as an 'unknown pov.'  That generally seems to be acceptable. whereas camera directions are not.
I like the Casablanca reference about chigaco, but I don’t remember there being much mention of jazz in the previous films.
‘as sinister a slick snake as the nazi army can produce’  good stuff.
Thought the 1937 montage was a little awkward, maybe disrupted the pace of the film a little.
I like the fact it’s the Hindenburg hes flying in on, but using the actual footage seems a little awkward.  Just visually itll take us out of the film to see scratchy 1937 style footage.  Unless you maybe introduced it by showing the guy whos actually filming it or something to that effect.
Good scene with marion and indie talking about willie but I didn’t quite get why the dress was in the icebox.
P 76 typo, he his at his age should be he is.
P117 not sure you should use evil eyes as a verb
P124 were the Bahamas a vacation spot in 1937?
The ending was a little sloppy, i'm pretty opposed to having alexander the great show up as a ghost.  even the snake was a little iffy in my opinion.  If youre gonna use it then make sure its set up earlier, say that the god was sometimes shown as a snake or whatever.  but better than aliens i guess.  
However the storm was real good, because its pretty supernatural when you see it, but not entirely magical, if that makes sense.  it kinda rides the fine line.  

In any case it is definately too bad harrison ford went and got old on us, because this would've been a damn good movie.  the dialogue was spot on and witty without being comedic (though I think marion said something like 'its crazy that such and such'  which seemed a little out of period).  and all the action was spot on for the genre.
definately an impressive job aside from my nitpicking.  kudos.

jackx, thanks so much for the read and certainly glad you enjoyed it overall.  It was a fun write.

Let me address a few things for you:

This script started life as the basis for a fan film, and although that idea went out the window (allowing me to really open it up without concern for budget), I still retained my "rights" as it were to some liberties.  It is, after all, a fan script, and has no practical market value.  So the detailed description of the roving camera - since it was important to me that the opening be one long seemless shot -is an artisitic choice I stand behind, since this will only ever exist as a "movie" in my readers' minds.

Jazz isn't referenced in the movies, but Indy's background in jazz, his college roomate Jack Shannon, and some of the details about Chicago are borrowed from the Indiana Jones novels, specifically those written by author Rob Macgregor.

The 1937 montage, I'd hoped, would be a fun stylistic departure from the Indy formula.  If I were hired (in my dreams) to write an Indy sequel, I'd certainly aim to bring a few fresh ideas to the series.  In this case, I needed passage of time since I wanted that Hindenburg scene.

The description of the Hindenburg scene as being "footage" was more a bow to the fan film.  That's how WE would have had to do it.  Speilberg & Lucas have all the cash in the world at their disposal to render it any way they choose.

The implication with Willie's dress being found BEHIND Indy's icebox, is that in a fit of passion in the kitchen, the dress was tossed aside.

In defense of the ending, one of the earliest images that captured my imagination before writing this was to have Indy staring face-to-face with a giant snake.  How perfect a situation for him?  AND, you don't recall, but it is set-up.  In Indy's recounting of the legend of Alexander, I used the legend that Zeus visited Alexander's mother Olympia in the form of a serpent and impregnated her.  Alexander, the deity, would have this ability as well.  (Ok, it's flimsy, but Indy-acceptable---  and I wanted my giant snake!)

Thanks again!

allright, a lot of the desicions make more sense thinking of it as a fan made lower budget film as opposed to a big budget movie made by lucas/spielberg.  Tho i still  think it couldve worked for them.  
Also I hadn't thought about needing to pass the time, the main reason the montage seemed odd to me was it was just early in the film to be jumping ahead, but i guess its necessary.
and yea the opening sequence definately makes artistic sense since you arent trying to market the script.  
the ending still seems iffy, but hell I guess its not any crazier than melting wax figures or thousand year old knights.
certainly would have liked to see the top notch fan movie you would have made, too bad it was scrapped.  dont suppose there's any surviving footage?

It was scrapped as a viable idea before I finished the script.  There was never a shoot.

Had to give this a read after seeing the positive comments about a FAN SCRIPT!?!?!?!
And I can see why - I am four pages in and really enjoying it.  Even the title page was well written lol.
Will update you when finished (if you are still around).

UPDATE:

You nailed Brody and Indy, I think the opening needed a rewrite of the action, a massive set piece to leave us breathless - thats what happens in an Indy movie!
I don't mind the big blocks of text, it is a characteristic of the original scripts (though broken up with little details of character action) and part of the movie as they always discuss the macguffin and history and why everyone wants it.
However, towards the end of Act2, there is another dialogue that could do with some trimming.

The trap set piece, chase and puch ups are great and very well written but it just needs a better opening teaser (unrelated to the main plot) to bookend the snake finale!
It's a shame that all this is moot as this is one of the best fan scripts I've read in my short time here.
Very enjoyable, I think I would have preffered this to Crystal Skull TBH!

Daz