Spider-man 4 by David Lindsay-Abaire - Short, Action - No logline 40 pages - pdf, format 8)

I'm still trying to work out if this is a serious effort or someone taking the pi**. Sorry if I'm being harsh here, but the first lines of dialogue, the voice-over for Peter Parker/Spider-Man had me in stitches. It doesn't get any better as it goes on, like you were trying to make Spider-Man sarcastic and funny and failed 100%. The dialogue throughout was really bad, it's actually obvious you never took much time at all to write this and throw it out there. Then there is the newspaper boss guy Jameson who is funny in the films but not so in this script.

I could only get through 12 pages then had to give up but I did skim through the rest and it didn't look like improving. Peter's confession to Aunt May was another cringe moment. Also, this story has been done before in Spider-Man 2, all you have done is change the bad guy. 40 pages is too short for a superhero epic, 140 should be more realistic for a blockbuster like this.

Again, I'm still not sure if it's serious or not. On your title page, you say it's a test draft and have Sony Pictures and that on there. Unless you are writing for them, which you are not then I don't see why it should be there. You should have at least used full stops and commas to break up the long sentences and used CAPITALS in the 100 odd places you should have. I can't even go on reviewing as there are too many mistakes for me to get through.

Best of luck.

Quoted from The Script                 SPIDER-MAN (V.O): Hi I'm spider-man, with great power comes great responsibility my uncle told me that before he was killed and i could have prevented that but i didn't because i was selfish and greedy. Years later i find out the person who really killed my uncle and i don't kill me i let him go. so clearly I'm a serial killer i killed a man before who didn't deserve it.

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. This is how not we do NOT write dialogue.

And let that be the end of this thread.

Quoted from sniper Hi, I'm Troy McClure. This is how not we do NOT write dialogue..

THIS is funny...

Being a Spiderman fan from way back I thought I'd check this one out...but man, I really wish I hadn't. Honestly there is nothing positive that can be said about this script at all.

David, are you reading this board to monitor the comments you get? If so I'd like to hear your thoughts on the script and what you were going for. Specifically, do you really think this script is up to scratch and at a level that you actually want other people to know that you wrote this? How old are you by the way? I guess if you are a young kid who loves Spiderman and wrote this as a fan then maybe it is not so bad. But if you are over the age of twelve and/or have any aspirations of being a writer then it is just plain embarrassing.

Tim.

It's funny as it is... But picturing Tobey McGuire, Kirsten Dunst and so forth and so on delivering this dialogue is absolute comedy gold. I've opened the script up 2 times in the last day just to put a smile on my face.

Totally agree with Baltis, I was smiling to myself at work last night, imagining Toby Mcguire doing the voice over at the beginning!

This is obviously a very poorly written script, but I loved reading it. It's one of the few scripts that made me smile and almost laugh. I have never been a fan of Spiderman, but this would make a great film.