Magic, Inc. by Justin Swartz - Anime - Magic, Inc. is the story of a team of paranormal peacekeepers living in the California area.  Their members include 23 year-old Micah Taylor, wielder of the enchanted sword Ladysmith; 32 year-old Tess, a witch who has given up the pointy hat and broomstick for racing leathers and a motorbike; 16 year-old Ami, a Shinto shrine maiden who is still learning her skills; Seishiro, a Japanese onmyodo (spirit medium) who is the team's technical advisor and cook; and Kiera, the 23 year-old mystical gunsmith who is the mission coordinator and Micah's childhood friend.  And let's not forget Lieutenant Dan Zandarski, who utters the phrase "What a way to check out" once per episode.  Welcome to the world of Magic, Inc., where magic happens in more ways than one.  42 pages. - pdf, format 8)

Nice start. A bit heavy on the exclamation marks, IMO.

Gotta be thinking Ghost Busters, but you knew that already, so you're making it different.

So far so good.

You might want to make that logline a little more concise. Something like: "Welcome to the world of Magic, Inc., where supernatural forces battle it out... in the streets of LA." Maybe. (I'm rubbish at loglines).

I enjoyed reading this - which is always a positive in my book. The structure and pace are very well done, and the core idea certainly has legs.

There are a few problems with it though.

You need to work on your descriptions. Most of it's fine. But you also have a lot of unfilmables.

Such as :

Quoted Text She‟s using her earpiece to converse with her mother HELEN, head of the California Witches Guild.

and

Quoted Text This is CASSANDRA, a former high school classmate of Micah‟s who is in need of some help--bothimmediate and not so immediate.

Your action scenes, on the other hand, tend to be underwritten. You need to spell out exactly what's happening in fights.

Some of the dialogue (especially in the opening) feels... overwrought.

In terms of the story itself, you might want to work on explaining how this world actually works. From the opening I got the sense that most of the population were unaware of the magical realm. But then you have Shadow Hounds running around in public and a police force that knows exactly what's going on. Stuff like that could be made clearer.

Other than that, it's just little things: Why exactly wasn't Micah at the opening fight? Kiera's unrequited love felt clichéd. The realisation of what the uncle was up to felt too easy.

not a bad start.  a bit dorky for me, but thats a personal taste kind of thing.
first line you have the city of angels 'against a moon', and 'against stars'.  try to vary it a bit.
lots of unfilmables as other people mentioned.  'A former classmate of micahs, who is in need of help'
p17 you mean mar his clothing, not mare.  not sure thats the right word though.  there were some other typos, missing apostrophes and such.
how come tess can handle 15 shadow hounds when before they couldnt even catch one?
Generally well written tho, very good effort.