Mix CD by James McClung (james mcclung) (Amazingly Awesome Nickname)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - Parting is such sweet sorrow... except when it's done through a mix CD. - pdf, format 8)

Ha Ha, great short. Not particularly profound or anything, but a really funny little story.

Enjoyed it, and made me smile a time or two.


Nice one!

Sorry, but this doesn't do much for me. All I get is an ex-couple arguing and bantering. You threw in the song within the argument just to meet the criteria.

I give you credit that it's funny, but there isn't much of a story.

Good effort though.

i probably would have broken up with her via 12 gauge...anyway...the dialog actually rang true...not sure how romantic it was...poor cat, it had to listen to all that tension...would have liked to see the cat become some sort of "connection" between the two...maybe jamie bought it for her (knowing him he might have just found it)...anyway a good scene, not sure if it rises to the level of a story...

Happy I read it! Another one to go into my favorites!

At first I thought it was going to be one of those melodramatic scripts where a boy wants a girl back... was so happy to see that you churned it the other direction!

I thought it was funny, very funny! And to the point. The lyrics make so much sense.

I thought that you could trim down on April's line (that same thing I said to self when reread my own) .

on page 3 it could be
EXT - PARKING LOT - BLUE CAR - DAY
Jaimee, in the driver's seat, holding a cell phone, giggles in anticipation.

Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have rewritten, and, maybe, I'm wrong here and your way is more effective... just wanted to show another way to do it.

I think it's very well written, very fun entry.

Loved reading it!

This is another one that starrted well but lost direction. A few of the scripts have been like probably cos this was a tough theme to nail. I guess peole had the initial idea but got bogged halfway and quickly ttied to tie things up, and put a song in there.

Well writtten and some good lines in there, and a good effort (as all entries have been) but not quite on the mark.

Yikes.  That was like anti-romance.  Funny though.  Some of the insults they threw back and forth were hysterical.  Not sure I would catergorize this as a Romantic Dramery...or ever Rom/Com....to me it was more just Comedy.  And it didn't feel like a complete story, more like a scene out of something bigger.

I did laugh though, several times.  I would never wanna get in a shouting match with whoever wrote this...you're way too crafty with the insults.  :D

Mix CD

Pros – Dialogue whilst arguing

Cons – What could have happened if you had used more than eight pages?

Comedy – Good comedy chops.

Romance – They used to be but they ain’t no more. Hard to develop a romance vibe to that. Dark romance? MMmmm.

Lyrics – “I break up with you bitch” song! Not sure that goes with the music as a ballad but what the hell?

Writer – You are quite the taunt. I fart in your general direction.

Criteria – Comedy with not a smidge of romance.

Gary

I LOVE the "smell yo dick" song. And i LOVE that you know it!

I dont think i laughed, but i did chuckle occasionally. Its hard for me to do that. Anyway, out of all the scripts i've read so far (which isn't a lot) i think that this one is the most memorable and the most honest.

At first i thought this would go down a similar path as NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST..and maybe it would have if your story was actually romantic. But i wont take points off.

i say good job.

PS. BEST LYRICS YET! lol

Reminds me very much of a script posted by our very own Mr. Mike Shelton called 180...dig it up in the 'Short' section and you'll see what I mean.

Anyway, pointless asides aside...

Meeting the competition criteria: there's nothing romantic about an ugly break-up. I also didn't find this particularly dramatic...felt like a pretty-straightforward attempt at comedy, but unfortunately I didn't find it funny. That's personal taste, though. The song was well-used, however
Characters: for this to work, April had to be incredibly likeable, and she wasn't. Jamie was clearly an ass, but he was JUST an ass. Shelton had the same problem in his script - it was hard to imagine that these two characters ever got on, let alone had a relationship. They weren't badly drawn, however
Dialogue: it was fine. More than fine, in places. But like I say, I didn't feel even the slightest residual spark between them. They were both just mean
Story: just not romantic. As I scrolled down the page to the posting box I saw someone use the phrase 'anti-romance'...that's not bad. It's not particularly dramatic, either. The story did have some structure, though, and a fitting conclusion, so kudos for that
Writing/format: all present and correct. I noticed one typo...but it's so minor that I'm not really going to bother with it

This didn't do anything for me either.  In no way does this meet the challenge. Not funny, very mean spirited, no romance whatsoever.  I hated both characters so much, it made it difficult to continue reading.

The lyrics were OK, and fit the tone of your script, but didn't work at all for me.

Sorry, but this one is one of my least faves so far out of 17 read.

I feel like this could have been expanded upon to encompass the story more. Instead, we get just an argument between a couple. It was like we missed out on the beginning and the middle and were just left with the end.

Some of the jokes were fairly funny, I thought the song was amusing and an interesting way to incorporate the music into the story.

I didn't like either of the characters though. She was a bitch and he was an asshole. They deserve each other as far as I'm concerned so I had no sympathy for either of them.

There were also quite a few typos throughout, another read and I'm sure you'll notice them. Ticked the boxes for comedy and drama but was lacking in the romance departmnt. A good effort, but needs a bit more work.

Cheers,
Tim.

I really liked this one till... the end. It fizzled out. Maybe because I was waiting for a happy ending. There were some good lines, a few chuckles, but WTF? What a waste. It could really have been better with some more pages. I feel sorry for the writer, because it was a good start.

This was an enjoyable little read, but it doesn't ever threaten to go beyond that.

It's a believable and at times amusing argument, the kind that we've probably all had at some point or another.

As a script it's a bit one paced though and it's just two faces shouting at each other. Not really enough to go anywhere with.

If you are going to tread down a well worn path, you have to find someway to deviate and take the story in an unexpected direction. That never happened here.

It was a worthy effort, but it kind of is what it is. There is not really enough scope for it to develop into something more powerful.

I really enjoyed this one. It really flowed well and I got a big kick out of the lyrics and how you used the theme.

It was creative and believable. I betcha somebody, somewhere at some time has done what Jamie did.

The dialogue was entertaining.

This:

>You should probably
just stop gargling Nickelback’s balls

>Don't talk shit about Nickelback.

LOL. Yeah I love Nickelback.  ;D

Solid job here!

Sandra

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films If you are going to tread down a well worn path, you have to find someway to deviate and take the story in an unexpected direction. That never happened here. It was a worthy effort, but it kind of is what it is. There is really enough scope for it to develop into something more powerful.

Intelligent words here.

We always need to work on stretching the scope and as I often think of it, 'putting on the fresh spin'. Even as I say this though, I think I'm wrong because what's old to one is new and fresh to another.

Sandra

This one was pretty funny, much more of a comedy I thought, and it's very un romantic...lol, so I don't know if it really met the challenge, but I did think the song was funny and so was most of the script, even though April and Jamie are both unlikable people, I think it would have been funnier if they ended back up together cuz no one else could stand them.   Good effort for a tough challenge.

oof, Don't know what you were going for here, but i don't see it as a serious entry for the OWC..

no comedy or romance. The song was more a joke than the theme of the story. Then again, not really sure what the theme was,,

I don't mind the foul language, I'm quite the fucking fan of it, but you didn't really tell a story either..

Definitely needs some more work...

James

Okay, I thought this was funny, but like others have said it could have been better.
I know, I know. You only had one week, me too, and now that the OWC is over, there is time to do a rewrite ;D.
Like michel said, I would like to see a happy ending... or an attempt at a happy ending, then twisted back at the two of them breaking up. ???

Let me know if you do a rewrite. I would love to read it.

I enjoyed the comedy,  thought it was funny he made a break-up song at a studio.
Cindy

Well, at least some people liked this. Honestly, I think I should’ve followed my better instincts and not submitted this. I wrote it two days before the OWC deadline having only found out the genre and theme the day before. I wasn’t about to pass up trying for the deadline but after reading the final product, I should’ve reconsidered submitting it. I had envisioned this as being a parody of what is typically a common romantic gesture (exchanging mix CDs) but I neglected to give it the time and thought needed for it to turn out that way so I ended up with a botched and completely unromantic result.

Consequently, I’ve gone back and added a new “make-up” scene which completely turns the script on it’s head (and still keeps under 12 pages). I usually don’t like to revise OWC scripts so people can see the original attempt but I think the scripts 100 times better now. Definitely feels like I’ve filled in the blanks.

Wow, can't imagine these two getting back together. If you wrote a rervision though, I'll read it....  As far as our better insincts... I think we all feel that way. twas an enormous challenge for one week...  or coupla days, hours... Takes kahunas to submit though. Tip of the hat for all who did... Was me first crack at one.

Rewrite is up. Thanks for posting so quickly, Don.

Anyway, added an entire new scene that essentially serves as the second half to the "story" as the original draft was pretty much incomplete. It's still sorta minimalistic but it's still waaay better than before. At the very least, it shows two sides to the whole mix CD phenomenon. Anyway, if anyone'd care to give it another read, I'd really appreciate it. If it still sucks this time, I'll take your word for it haha.