We're Perfect for Each Other by Kenneth Byrd (Here's your)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - The way two people contact each other is an accident but they find they are right for each other. - pdf, format 8)

Um, ok, a nice try but it didn't gel for me. I couldn't identify with the characters at all.
some of the formatting was mixed, with past tenses at times.

I have one more script to read so sorry if this is brief.

Murray Hamilton was the actor who played Mr Robinson in The Graduate and the mayor of Amity in Jaws - any connection there?

WE’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

Pros – Premise. Spoiled celebrity meets singing waiter via a misdialed cell phone call.

Cons – A few glitches. Parentheticals weren’t helpful, the tone or instructions were easy to figure out from context. Anthony seems wise for his job as a singing waiter. (BTW, is there any story that has a person jump in a cab and say “take it easy – I’m not in a hurry?”).

Comedy – Amusing situation. I think Anthony could have been bit more of a wise ass/goof off.

Romance – Light-hearted sparring. Almost took me to the R zone except for Anthony taking the time talk to Chelsea while he was busy at work. I did like the contrast between Anthony and Chelsea.

Lyrics – A singing waiter sings his own song while the celebrity listens in on her cell phone. Air guitar?

Writer – Good job. I didn’t know singing waiters wrote their own songs. Cool idea to make this one work. I liked the imagery of Chelsea’s sharp fingernails stabbing the cell as she dialed.

Criteria – Met.

Lots of problems here.  Tons of unfilmable asides thrown out.  Different tenses used.  Long blocks of prose.  Issues with time and continuity.   No real story going on and defintely no resolution or ending at all.  No romance, very little humor.  Too much description of meaningless things.  Too many useless characters.  Nothing remotely memorable here.

Music seems thrown in and lyrics don't work for me at all.

Sorry, but this is defintely one of my least faves.

Writing was a bit off for me. Could do with some tightening in my opinion.

Got the feeling a girl/woman wrote this one, it has a female edge to it somehow. Blokes can't write women as well as women do themselves, if you follow me.

I liked the dialogue though. I wasn't fond of the punching, or eye rolling but the conversations felt real enought to me.

Nicely done!

I noticed an error in tense here:

>stabbed

Here:

>He must know who this is.

I would underline this if I were you.

Here:

The customer ends up grabbing for the salad just as Anthony
stands upright, ensuring the tray and salad are out of his reach.

Shorten it:

The customer grabs for the salad JUST as Anthony stands upright.

Little things like that will help the read and also produce more
of a punchy feel.

Excellent work with the story.

Sandra

Characeters didn't feel real to me. I din't like Chelsea to start with, you gotta make us want her to find love cuz she deserves it. As far as Anthony, just no way he could know all those things about her past relationship like that.

Also, I don't see anyone doing the air guitar to that "piece of music" we were supposed to use.

One positive, i did like the lyrics, but bot with an air guitar over his head.

James

I liked the flow and the continuity of this. Very much.

The dialogue did not feel real though. Especially at teh beginning p1 - CHELSEA "I'm late for an appointment. p2 - she calls him Driver.

At first I thought that lots of Drver/Chelsea interaction could be cut, but upon finishing the read I understood that that's the beauty of your script.

I thought the dialogue was a little expositional. I guess your dialogue is my main complaint.

Other than that it's a good job, I think.

Mixed feelings on this one.  You have a unique idea, but maintaining interest in a phone call for that duration is problematic.  I would look for ways to break it up.  Tenses were off in some spots.  But you do have some comedic moments, and I like that Anthony chose to sing his own song.  

I think a bigger issue is finding a way to make Chelsea more likable - however small - to give us something to invest in.  Lastly, the ending seemed to lack a WOW moment.  That's more of a function of the way the rest of the script was tailored -- to end on a mutual smile just didn't feel like enough.

Just not much of a story, IMO.  Chelsea comes off as incredibly unlikeable, so I could care less whether she finds love or not.  I'd feel sorry for any guy she does happen to sink her claws into.  Anthony was a more fully developed character, and I think he deserved a better love interest.

A lot of typos and grammar problems.  A particular one that stuck out for me:

"I doesn't have to confide in you
anymore."

That's a bad one.

I like the premise much more than the actual script here.  The wrong phone number that leads to true love.  I think if you made Chelsea a more sympathetic character it would have helped.  This story has possibilities, but it just isn't there yet.

I thought this one was pretty decent.

Chelsea is very unlikable in the beginning. I know she's supposed to be, but I think you need to make her do or say something that makes us care for her a little bit at least. Maybe she can say she's sorry for being a bitch or something like that when she thinks she's talking to Ben. Just a suggestion...

I liked the cabbie and the interaction between him and Chelsea.

Five fifty for the ride? I don't think they would even start up the car for that amount. Much less drive people around.

I liked Anthony

Over all I think you did a good job. The only real big problem to me was Chelsea unlikability. Also maybe kick up the ending some.

I saw some comedy in this and some drama (especially if you make Chelsea say she's sorry) and the lyrics may not have been the best, but I liked that Anthony decided to sing his own song.

Whoever you are, I think you did a good job.  :-)

It was the romanciest one I've hit so far.

Cool, canned and remixed. It's bubblegum commercial and I think it works good on that level. I can see this happening on the screen.

No real open though, and no close. I got the connection, that's the commercial part, but I'm shy of a full deck on the personal pain so she connects to him so quickly, and he to her, would have made that better is all.

One of my favorites. It's well written, the characters are nice (if bitchy, in Chelsea's case), you want them to get together, the song is entirely appropriate and well integrated, and there's plenty of pace and a nice light tone. What particularly impressed me was the tight plotting. Several improbable events all had to fit together to make this work, and the writer pulled it off.

It's not without problems, as others have noted. A waiter talking on his cell phone while serving? I don't think so. Etc. But all could be overcome with a polish. A very good effort, in my opinion.

I liked this, the prose could be shortened but i got the story. Would of liked the driver to have a bit more personality, maybe he could be a bigger diva than she is. Liked the ruphert character. Good job.

Not bad. It had a fairly interesting premise, and the song was at least part of the actual plot. It was a variation on the old "Star is Born" scenario, of course.

Some of the descriptions/dialogue was a bit clunky - people can look left or take off their sunglasses without need of twiddly extra detail.

Chelsea was a bit of a stereotypical Hollywood star, and I can't see her, from this, either actually being interested in Anthony or vice versa. There wasn't anything here to suggest she was very nice as a person, just a spoilt brat.

This rather dented the attempt at a romantic ending for me!

I did feel there was rather too much mobile use here - first with the agent, then the best part of the script taken up with the conversation between Chelsea and Anthony, and then her listening in at the end to the song. It all felt a bit remote - maybe she could have found him before he began singing and have been there physically to listen to him.

By the way, wouldn't an "A List" actress have had people with her? PA's and all that sort of thing? Even Z Listers have them nowadays, and the beginning didn't feel real because of this. A better idea might simply to have had the limo break down or something.

GOOD effort.
I rarely like starting a story with a bitched faced character.

I found very little romance in this story and the Lyrics, although used at the right time, did nothing to enhance the plot.

You seem to write in different tenses. Try to keep it as the present.
As for the humour, I didn't find any, but then again it might just be me :P

Good effort for the OWC.

I'm sorry, but I can't say I like this very much. The most disheartening things are: there isn't much of a story, and too many useless subplots.

If I could change this, I'd trim the conversation between Chelsea and her agent, and Chelsea and Anthony. Most of the script is about phone calling and this won't look too good on the screen without too much tension (although PHONE BOOTH did a very decent job). You need another element to make the story more interesting.

I don't understand why Anthony would keep talking to Chelsea if he knows she got the wrong person. Chelsea's desire to find out who Anthony is is not strong enough either.

Anyway, good try for an OWC.