I Am Become Death by Brian Tipton - Horror - A man turning into a monster has only a few hours in which to find his loved ones while caring for his twelve year old neighbor. 92 pages - pdf, format 8)

This sounds like "The Beast Within"  ... A lot like it actually.  The name should be changed to "I AM BECOMING DEATH"  It just sounds absurdly and poorly written.

actually "i am become death" is what oppenhiemer said after the successful testing of the a-bomb. it's a reference to indian Gods, Shiva i believe. i'll take a look in a bit but i kinda wish it had something to do with the a-bomb development. from the logline that looks like it isn't the case but maybe i'll be surprised.

It is indeed.

Oppenheimer said that, after the nuclear test, he was reminded of a line from the Bhagavad Gita

Quoted Text if the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the mighty one...

But later he maintained that his thoughts then turned to another quote from the book:

Quoted Text Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.

Seeing the title, I too thought it had something to do with the Manhattan Project, and was a bit disappointed to find a horror story.

May give it a read though, just because of the title...

Brian,

I had a read of this earlier. Post a comment if you want to read my thoughts.

Ren

Sure, why not. Lay it on me Ren. Cheers.

Brian t.

Quoted from briandt75 Sure, why not. Lay it on me Ren. Cheers. Brian t.

I'm still stuck in snowy Dublin airport awaiting the start to my holiday. It's all gone swimmingly well so far.

Plus I'm paying 12 cent a minute for internet. Robbing Barstards! I will have a look and post a comment over the next few days though.

R

Thanks Ren! Happy New Year to you man.

btw for anyone that's interested. Yes the title is a direct quote from Oppenheimer about his involvement in the Manhattan Project. He was attempting to quote the Baghavad Gita, but his translation isn't verbatim and is grammatically incorrect to boot. I actually like his mis-translation of it more than the literal passage from the text. It has character.

Here's video of Oppenheimer himself saying it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f94j9WIWPQQ

I tried out I Am Become Death AND I Am Becoming Death and found that, when asked, more people preferred I AM Become Death as a title.

I too am fascinated by the story of the Manhattan Project, but I wrote the script as a horror story and then picked the title. It was never intended to have anything to do with Oppenheimer's story, which has been chronicled in documentaries and books galore.

It couldn't possibly be less like The Beast Within.

Figured I'd get past the title and see what the actual story was.

I think if you want that first line to be on the screen you need to format it as a super
Outside needs to be capitalized in the second sentence
I dont think referencing a specific episode of a specific show is really appropriate.
Also is the tv and poker game in the same room?  
Some unfilmables with telling us that dan is the owner of the house
Missing several capitals at the beginning of sentence.
Also puncutation missing, such as period at end of sentence top of page 4.
You go into a lot of detail for the cardgame, we dont really care what their exact hands are.  And I think the scene is definately too long, I'm bored halfway through.
I think 'humanoid creatures' could use a little more clarification
How exactly is a cigar smoking helplessly?
You have exact times in the slugs, how are we to know this?

Thats up to about 10 pages in, lotsa typos and punctuation issues.  The action once it starts is a little dense and confusing, might want to streamline it a bit.