Grace's World by Michel J. Duthin - Short - Could a love from father to daugher be lost forever? 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hello, Michel! I read this one a few minutes ago.

I think you've achieved here what one would call a bittersweet, but at the same time heart-warming story here. No dialogue needed. This was pure emotion and visual narrative used cohesively.

I feel you managed to write a very "complete" Short here which never got tiring, despite the lack of dialogue. At least not in my opinion.

Indeed,the connection between father and child, or mother and child, can never be dissolved. Not even in the most extreme cases. Or at least, I hope it is that way for all of us.

I felt that the script read particularly well -- the story flowed and didn't jerk, the scenes progressed smoothly and I liked the reflection of Janet's death and the aftermath of Grace's accident.

It would make a neat, strong little short movie; in my opinion. You should try to get it filmed -- you know, show it to some indie directors or film it yourself, because I think it has potential.

That being said, I believe the title could be reworked. With the title you used, I was half-expecting this to be in the vein of "Sofies Verden."

--Julio

Hi Michel,

I thought this was excellent.

Crisp and well written, you convey a beautiful quick story without so much as any dialogue.  It was your descriptions that really told the story and you did a really good job with them.  Definitely a touching story; you really convey the feeling of dread and anguish these two feel without so much as having them say a word, and the ending I felt was rockets.  If there was one thing I'd change, it would probably be the title.  "Grace's World" just doesn't do it for me.  Maybe something more poetic or heartfelt.  

Solid story.  If there's anything specific you're curious about, let me know.

-Greg

Michel

Its been awhile since I read something of yours, so I had to check it out. I hope all is well with you.

An interesting take you took with this going down the dialogue-less route. Still, it possessed all the hallmarks of a Michel script, gentle, bittersweet, quietly toned, full of heart and of course, the young protagonist.

I’m thinking this was written for a Movie Poet contest?

I think as the story goes you did a solid job with it, nothing too original (I read a very similar script to this only yesterday) but well executed all the same. I liked Grace's hiding place in the stuffed toy, Geoff's reminices of his lost wife, the reoccuring piano tune and the post-it covered wall at the end. Some nice touches in there which I always find sprinkled throughout your work that convey your message more effectively then any amount of dialogue could ever do.

I couldn't help wondering where Grace may have been coming from when the car strikes her. Would she be allowed walk the roads on her own, given that she is only 8? I know the father has distanced himself from her but still, he would look after her, right? Not completely abandon her like that. If so, its very hard to sympathise with him at the end which I presume was your intention.

My only criticism, as I already mentioned, was that I've seen this type of story before, many times. Aside from the ocassional flourish, imagery and that, there wasn't much else to it. I realise for a five pager its always going to hard to delve deep, so for its brevity, I guess it packs what punch it could've possibly hoped to muster.

Col.

Firts of all, thanks guys for the read. I've been away for a while from the boards and this short gives me the opportunity to come back.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper It would make a neat, strong little short movie; in my opinion. You should try to get it filmed -- you know, show it to some indie directors or film it yourself, because I think it has potential.

In fact, this short has been written for a student who called for help. She gave me ramdom ideas and I mixed all this my way. The short should be filmed, but I've been informed that she changed several things.

Quoted from greg I thought this was excellent. Crisp and well written,

Thanks Greg.

Quoted from greg If there was one thing I'd change, it would probably be the title.  "Grace's World" just doesn't do it for me.  Maybe something more poetic or heartfelt.

I agree for the title. But I had only 5 days to write it, and I wasn't very inspired for the title. I hesitated first between Grace's World and Grace's Will. But this latter was maybe a bit too fun (refering to Grace and Will)

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I’m thinking this was written for a Movie Poet contest?

I never wrote for MP

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I couldn't help wondering where Grace may have been coming from when the car strikes her. Would she be allowed walk the roads on her own, given that she is only 8? I know the father has distanced himself from her but still, he would look after her, right? Not completely abandon her like that. If so, its very hard to sympathise with him at the end which I presume was your intention.

The fact Grace is walking down the street is not as much as surprising than you think. Nowadays, kids are very soon mature, especially when they're touched by drama (I know what I'm talking about…)  I think there's nothing wrong in the fact she's in the street, even if she's only 8.

Anyway, thanks for your reviews. It encourage me to carry on writing….

Michel 8)

Hi Michel,

I read your script. It is nicely written, although, given your location and name can I assume English is not your first language? The structure of some of your sentences is - in my opinion - a little off.

Given you have conveyed a well structured story without dialogue also needs to be applauded. It is very easy to understand what is going on so well done.

I do have to say, though, that the story is not to my taste. My own style is probably best described as gritty and consequently, perhaps it is not too surprising that I found it difficult to continue reading after the first page. I think I simply wasn't the right kind of reviewer for your Short.

Regards and good luck,
Thornton

Just to tell you  Grace's World is going to be produced this summer. A few changes are in progress. I'll let know later if you're interested.

And again, be patient. Written in 2010 this script has made its way to production, slowly but surely....

Michel 8)

The shooting should start on September.......

congrats

Congrats!