Female of the Species by R. Andrew Booth - Horror - Five women on a weekend camping trip are forced to fight off cannibals, find a way back to civilization, and ultimately their true selves. 95 pages - pdf, format 8)

Andrew,

Just ran across your script.  I always love me some crazy cannibals.  However, I couldn't get through the first ten pages.  You're missing a lot of structure that actually makes up a good script.  I don't have a lot of time, but I'll list a few things you need to either remove completely or edit in some fashion.  

1)  First off, the title is a little funky.  It doesn't make sense.  Try naming it something that has to do with the plot of your movie.  Something with cannibals in it.  I know there's a billion movies with that word in it, but it's not like you're writing an Oscar worthy movie here.  

2) On page one you clearly tell us that she's hurt.  

-- "She is bleeding badly from several wounds".

-- "Jessica is covered in cuts and mud".

Then when she speaks, you put a parenthetical in there that says she's in pain.  We already know she's in pain.  You told us twice before.  



3) I'd also (and this is a real tough one) go back into your script and take out all of the "is" and "are" you can find.  One or two is generally overlooked, but the amount that you have is, by industry standards, over blown.  Write it from an outside perspective.  "Jessica bleeds badly from several wounds.  She's dirty, her clothes ripped to shreds."  You see what I mean?  It reads a lot better and gets rid of those pesky "is" and "are".



I wouldn't mind reading the rest of your script and giving you tips, but only if you want me to.  



Anyway, it's a nice start.  Keep in mind my tips.  They'll definitely help you in your future writings.  



Dan