Bad For Business by Timothy McGroarty - Comedy - Lizzy, the love of Ryan’s life breaks things off with him, only to begin dating a local drug lord. Determined to somehow win her back, or not go down alone, Ryan, along with best friend Danny try and put Lizzy’s new boyfriend behind bars. Something the local law enforcement seems to have trouble doing. Ryan’s new job as a male stripper in a police uniform, gain him access to almost anywhere as this hysterical game of cat and mouse gets out of control. 101 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Tim,

Really nice script - very funny!

The villain is portrayed nicely - I hated him from the moment I saw him. The sidekick/confidant Danny is very funny - probably the funniest part of the script. And you've mapped out the relationship well - I really wanted Ryan to prove that Cole was a bad guy, and for him and Lizzy to get back together.

I would say that some of the base humour is a little *too* base, and that some of the script is a little too vulgar. I know that this is a bit of a buddy/rom-com and that sort of humour works, but I found Danny's threat of "c**t-punting" at the beginning to be a little off-putting, for example.

But overall, the action is nice and the drama is maintained well throughout.

One more bit of feedback: towards the end, when Ryan sees the couple in the diner (when he has the flashback that reminds him to be at the waterfront) you could have him addressing the couple before he runs out. As in, have him have a go at the slobby guy, telling him to shape up? It might be good, because it could demonstrate how Ryan has learnt to be a better man and all that.

Anyway, good job.