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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Action/Adventure Scripts  /  Africa
Posted by: Don, April 5th, 2010, 8:59pm
Africa by Ash Quadir - Action, Adventure - A young American doctor flees her comfortable life to work with UNICEF to battle against Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) in Africa.  In her zeal to make a difference, she crosses swords with the dictatorship in power.  With the aid of a rebellious US diplomat, she tries to rescue a group of young girls from FGM, while exposing China’s insatiable appetite for African resources and also falling in love. 134 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: soulforvee, April 12th, 2010, 1:57pm; Reply: 1
Hey, your logline is a mouthful, try to cut it out a little. made it thru the 1st ten pages but not a easy read. focus more on showing than telling. ex if the bomas are what you say they are, work it into the description and give us the name boma from dialog. when the girls play and their dads come, dont tell it, show it by the girls jumping in their arms, or the 2 men having a conversation and saying my daughter is turning into a woman, or he can say no daughter of mine should play games. i mean just an example. and the 135 pages is a turn off, for me anyway.
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