The Safe by Simon Colligan (SiColl007) - Short - Three guys trapped in a safe… 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Whats with the x amount?  you need to at least make up some numbers that sound decent.  And this is totally irrelevent, but if you were just writing this as a formula like that, you cant use x for every variable.  it would be x amount of space, y amount of lung capacity, z amount of time to live.
"Psycho speaks in a low voice, almost so that the others don’t hear – it is barely audible; he doesn’t want to say what he is about to say and he doesn’t want to be heard saying what he is about to say."  pretty long winded way to say he speaks quietly.
How do they know their names?  It's fine if they dont have names, and those are just descriptions, but techie boy uses the name for fats.
The whole back and forth dialogue once the guys open the safe drags on pretty bad.
Wait the other three are theives as well?  I thought they were like security since they were watching on the tape.
Alright, suggestions:  you dont need three people sitting watching the camera.  six people is a lot to stand in a safe jawjacking at eachother.  Also make it clear that they are also criminals, mention how theyre dressed or whatever, or that there are guards ducktaped under them.  Or better yet, ducktaped to a chair and also watching the events.
I enjoyed it up until those others were added, then it was kinda longwinded without much point.  And it just kinda ends.

Tighten it up a bit and itll be pretty good.  good luck with it.