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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  May 2010 One Week Challenge  /  OWC - Peacemaker
Posted by: Don, May 17th, 2010, 5:32pm
Peacemaker by Anonymous - Short, Drama - A vegan and a carnivore find common ground. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: c m hall, May 17th, 2010, 6:00pm; Reply: 1
'"Well then why even suggest pizza?"
I guess we'll never know.
Posted by: Cam17, May 17th, 2010, 6:06pm; Reply: 2
A complete pisstake.  Wouldn't mind it so much if it actually had a laugh or something in it somewhere.  Nope.  This reads like something that was conceived and written during a three minute commercial break.  Ah well, at least it's under two pages.
Posted by: grademan, May 17th, 2010, 6:18pm; Reply: 3
One page of two people talking about pizza with a corny super at the end. Kinda cute but not very filling.

BTW, green peppers infect the whole pizza,
Posted by: stevie, May 17th, 2010, 6:35pm; Reply: 4
Short and sweet!  Actually, this was a good concept and could've been ok if it was longer.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), May 17th, 2010, 7:49pm; Reply: 5
WOW!  The old 1 page pisstake!  Terrible.  Not funny at all, and really not written poorly enough to be entertaining.

Lots of pissers this time around.  Now I'm pretty sure ones I wasn't sure about must be pisstakes as well...they just can't all be this bad, can they?
Posted by: greg, May 17th, 2010, 7:52pm; Reply: 6
Maybe if there was a non-partisan group whose goal was to unify meat eaters and vegans this could be the 1 minute video on their blog.

Otherwise this just comes off as something that was written two minutes before the deadline.
Posted by: khamanna, May 17th, 2010, 8:00pm; Reply: 7
The punchline falls kind of flat for me. I know you intended it as a comedy but there's still has to be sufficient build up leading to your last line.
Posted by: michel, May 18th, 2010, 2:31am; Reply: 8
All you need is love.... da da da da da.....
What else to say about this lazy one-pager?

Michel 8)
Posted by: Trojan, May 18th, 2010, 9:17am; Reply: 9
Probably the worst of all the entries so far IMO. At least some of the other ones that didn't take it seriously were funny, this just wasn't. What was the point?
Posted by: pwhitcroft, May 18th, 2010, 5:48pm; Reply: 10
The premise has got potential. You didn’t really take it any further than that.
Posted by: Coding Herman, May 19th, 2010, 7:56pm; Reply: 11
I don't get the joke here, or is there even supposed to be one? Sorry, another pointless script.
Posted by: TheRichcraft, May 19th, 2010, 11:58pm; Reply: 12
A vegan smoking.  I've probably seen it happen thousands of times in real life.  But it's just weird that someone who respects the lives of animals can be so self-destructive with theirs.

Maybe that's the irony of this script.  We humans are just creatures of habit in our wanting certain pizzas and cigarettes.

The script may have been funnier if the couple argued over filters or tar content.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, May 20th, 2010, 2:21pm; Reply: 13
Well, at least it was just 1 page. I would've got mad if I had to read 15 pages.  :-/
Posted by: Blakkwolfe, May 20th, 2010, 4:00pm; Reply: 14

Quoted from grademan
Green peppers infect the whole pizza,


Truth.

Posted by: George Willson, May 21st, 2010, 2:57pm; Reply: 15
Yeah, I don't get it. Wanna cigarette? Was that the punchline?

I'm not against one page scripts. They can be exceptional. This one wasn't. You didn't even bother with names. Come on. Give the people names.
Posted by: James McClung, May 21st, 2010, 4:09pm; Reply: 16
I'd be lying if I said I didn't intend this to have some kind of punchline. Basically, introducing the cigarettes renders the vegan vs. carnivore issue moot. The irony is that while arguments can be made for both sides, no argument can be made for smoking. It's bad for you. That's it. As for the SUPER... What can I say? It's cheesy.

I'd also be lying if I said I didn't conceive and write this within ten minutes. I'd be lying still if I said I intended for anyone to think it was funny. There's really nothing to get here. It's just a dumb one pager designed to confound the readers and make them think WTF more than anything.

Finally, I'd like to dissuade anyone from thinking this was anti-smoking. Just want to put that out there. In the end, it was just a stupid little short and something that I didn't need to post. I knew what I was getting into nevertheless. Whatever. I've still got a serious entry out there.
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