Taste Buddies by VEG Frank Furter - Short, Drama - no logline - pdf, format 8)

I am 100% convinced this is intentionally bad. Like literally the worst screenplay you would ever read as every single rule has been broken. Nobody could accidentally write something this annoying unless they tried to.

From the music, to establishing shots, camera directions, incorrect scene headings etc. you have tried to make every mistake possible in a script. This might be amusing but I can't read it, it's so bad. I gave up after two pages, I take my hat off to anyone who reads the whole thing. Obviously this is a joke so nothing really to comment on.

Cheers,
Tim.

I am sorry writer, I tried twice to read this and couldn't get past the formatting to the story. The camera instructions and the overly rich narrative descriptions made it difficult to dig into the story. Look at me's comments above, she knows what's what.

WOW...just WOW!

As others have mentioned, there are obviously so many things wrong here, it's just crazy.  I don't think they're intentional, though...although they very easily could as Trojan feels.

Any way, this is absolutely terribly written...easily one of the worst I've ever seen, and that includes intentional pisstakes.

Check out this quote - this is 1 single sentence, and also the entire 5 line passage...

"A large busted, stunning looking woman with long blonde hair dressed in Playboy type garb – black lingerie, black fishnet stockings and garters, black super high stilettos sits cross-legged on the back of a Harley Davidson with a come-hither pout."

Just amazing!

OK, so what do I think about it other than the horrendous writing on display?  I kind of liked it, shockingly.  I mean, it's a Hell of alot more interesting than 75% of these OWC's so far, and actually ends with some humor that I found amusing.  The formatting and structure are terrible, but if you look beyond all that, it's not as horrible as it seems.

Idea/premise - C-

Writing/presentation - F-

Huh. Now, your place or mine. That's about as good a punchline as "It's all a dream" is a twist. The whole holier than thou pointlessness of the argument was all there, and honestly, if you simplify everything...a lot...then you might have the beginning of something. I kind of liked your style in that you used those little visual flashes to show the characters' thoughts. It might have its place somewhere in the pantheon of whatever you come up with later. Gives you a sort of style.

However, when you toss that style in the mix of everything that everyone else has pointed out, it gets a bit tedious to read. Probably not tedious to watch. In fact, on screen, all that flashing around would break up the talking heads. But to read, it was a bit weird. We're just not used to seeing it around here.

And the ending... Like I said, it's not much of a punchline.

Going to assume this is a serious effort from a new guy. I'll come back back to it if you, in fact, read and reviewed other peoples scripts, including mine, once the writers are announced. For now, however, I'm gonna move on.

Quoted from Trojan I am 100% convinced this is intentionally bad. Like literally the worst screenplay you would ever read as every single rule has been broken. Nobody could accidentally write something this annoying unless they tried to. From the music, to establishing shots, camera directions, incorrect scene headings etc. you have tried to make every mistake possible in a script. This might be amusing but I can't read it, it's so bad. I gave up after two pages, I take my hat off to anyone who reads the whole thing. Obviously this is a joke so nothing really to comment on. Cheers, Tim.

I couldn't either. I'm wondering if someone did this intentionally to try and be funny, but I don't want to read any more of it.

If you're not trying to be funny, then don't worry and just keep working.

Sandra

I actually got through this. I didn't really have a prob with all the techie stuff. there was way too more detail for a short but maybe that was part of the plan.

No one has mentioned the name of the restaurant - Taste Buddies? Yeah, a greta name for an upmarket place!

The writing was good, the author knows his stuff. Is it all a deliberate sham? Who knows? The vegan debate came out of the blue - surely the profile of potential dates would indicate if they were a vegan?

The ending was ok. Anyway, I'll be interested to see who wrote it.

Sorry, but by the time the story got going I was so put off by the massive chunks of description that I just couldn't focus on the "meat" of the script.  It was an honest attempt, but the formatting is really an issue here.  Break those paragraphs up and eliminate clutter.  Story-wise, at least what I gathered, it honestly didn't do much for me.  Seemed a bit dull and low-key.  I think you can do better.

Good job for doing it in a week but fix that formatting.

Quoted from stevie I actually got through this. I didn't really have a prob with all the techie stuff. there was way too more detail for a short but maybe that was part of the plan. No one has mentioned the name of the restaurant - Taste Buddies? Yeah, a greta name for an upmarket place! The writing was good, the author knows his stuff. Is it all a deliberate sham? Who knows? The vegan debate came out of the blue - surely the profile of potential dates would indicate if they were a vegan? The ending was ok. Anyway, I'll be interested to see who wrote it.

God Bless you, Stevie!

I just couldn't manage this one. I have enough putting up with myself.  ;D

Sandra

I’ll make notes as I go..

Pg 1 – Calling the music is generally considered a no-no in spec scripts.

Okay so now it’s difficult to know if this is a formatting “pisstake”. If it isn’t I apologize and you are a victim of other peoples’ games.

Pg 4 - Through the mass of text the story is working okay.

Pg 7 – “Meat ist bad, schweinhund!!” – Great!

Pg 14 – Their argument is pretty good. The ending might be a little drawn out.

Overall the formatting may or may not be a joke (actually it is not far off shooting script format), however the story works out well and the trips into their brains are entertaining.

I'm not sure how to take this anymore. A serious entry? A pisstake?

Anyway, long blocks of text, incorrect slugline, camera angles, unfilmable asides, wrong formatting, you named it. Those really distract me from getting into the story.

Story is dull as well. Another conversation script at a restaurant. Sorry.