Crazy Muhammad's Extravaganza by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Short - In this black comedic sketch, Ali goes crazy after receiving a message from Muhammad 2 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ah, Will - the best I can say about this is that I really wanted to like this.

I had no problem with the subject matter and I applaud you because you always go ballz out on these things. The trouble for me is that guys like Seth McFarlane and Parker/Stone have mined this material already and have done it a lot better.

Anthony

"Easy to obey the Koran in a sudan!" crack me up that's so funny. It should be printed on a shirt.

I got a giggle out of this but wish I had seen it first as a short on youtube. It would have been hilarious.

Me say this: trying not to rock da boat. We're all in it. Together. Yeah? No?! Oh.

Anyways. Folks say dis to me. Not Me, me. The locals will follow. Oh yes.

Provocative title. It does what it sez on da tin.

Religion. Caught my Beady Eye. Not Supersonic. Er, sorry, I know I can be obscure.


I can be pissed. I mean in an non US way. Which means a "bit worse for wear". Shure aren't we all? No? Ys. Arse!

Sorry. Just reliving Father Ted. If onlly they were still makeing it. God bless em. And god rest Dermot. Saint amongst men. In my hubmle. Er, where is my tyop stoppper. Girls!

News: Rooney apologied. Add s' where necessary. Sumbohdie had a word. Spudhead. And genius. You footboll geezers know. Don'tya? Yes. Aye R.

Oz. Oh yes. Maybe not. Germans? Nah. Argen fckin Tina. Now. Spain. Feck, Slovenia? Oh shite. Aye. Nuff said.

Back to the plot. This is bound to attract attention. Wiv dat title.

For each their own. Notsometing I'da done. Still, who am I to say?

Er, Flicked thru.Tonk sums it up well. As per.

Ajr is up to his usual stuff. God bless him. And he is right too. As opposed to wrong, not left. Ahem,

WB. AP. Rings bells. Keep it up. I'm sur you will.

R ox

I don't know about this.  I didn't really find it humorous - though of course that could just be me.  Maybe if there was more to it than just a commercial or maybe if the commercial were even more outrageous.  I think the whole concept of the bomber-car dealership is what didn't work for me - I didn't find it believable.  It needed to have a reason for existing and I don't think it does.  

Hi Will,

A 2-pager, it'll give you a lot of reads. Obviously you're going with a comedic skit here. So I can't say much about story, characters, etc. But as what it is now, I think it works. I like the ironic and satire you're going for. I was chuckling for a while, especially the ending.

Could be a funny commercial, albeit a controversial one for the easily offended.

Herman

hey everyone,

thanks so much for the read. with my busy schedule, i find myself writing sketches more so than stories. id like to write more stories...but i would love to have my own "half hour dark comedy sketch show" someday. so i guess thats why i keep writing sketches instead.

with that being said, i just wanted to write a sketch that people would chuckle about. and it seems as though ive accomplished that.

and good point ajr- the funny thing is, i hate family guy (but love south park). at any rate, it's become really popular to poke fun of islam lately and id be lying if i said i didnt hop on the bandwagon.

thanks everyone for the reads. i really appreciate it.

Hello Will,

It's not bad.  But I don't think this will work if filmed.

I would say you need more detail.

What does a Muslim terrorist look like?  Does he have a headscarf, a beard, does he hold a weapon?

What does an American look like?  He's a journalist, so will have a journalist jacket.  But that won't let the viewer know he's American.

Page 2 is actually page one.  Fade out should have a period after it.

All the best,


Javier

That was funny, quite enjoyed it. Give you the brass balls of the week for writing this. They're calling for Parkers/ Stones head in the muslim world. Some good one liners.

nice work.

james

This script fell pretty flat to me.  The premise behind it is good, but I actually felt that it dragged.  I looked forward to the ending.


Phil

Could be shown as a minor sub-plot of a movie.  The characters could be watching an SNL or Monty Python kind of TV show.

Tacky, tacky, tacky, but it had a few chuckles here and there.

Now if you can do a sketch in which a man finds out the 72 females waiting for him in the afterlife are still virgins (ugliness, frigidity, underage, etc).

I give it two thumbs up, one for each page!

Yes it was controversial... and?

Your goal seemed to be "laughs" and you did get a few of those based upon the reviews above. I did find it overwritten in spots. With a second pass it could be shorter and much more powerful.

Thanks for sharing.