Law and Order: SVU 'Blind' by Guy Jackson - Series, Drama - When a Senator's wife comes to Stabler and Benson with an accusation of rape against her son's private tutor, SVU places the case as top priority.  But as Benson and Stabler go through with their investigation, things are not what they seem, and the Detectives begin to wonder who the victim really is in the case. 63 pages - pdf, format 8)

I am a fan of SVU so I just had to read this episode.

My first reaction was it needed some adrenalin.

The political impact of being the senator’s kid could have been played up to a more intense level.  

The student on teacher (girl on girl) romance was an interesting angle but not compelling.

The police procedural was played out as tired plays: The banter for takeout food in the teaser, the stakeout, errors on the ADA’s team, a last minute plea by Olivia to the victim to tell the truth -- all predictable and told in a fairly straightforward manner.

A couple of quirks in your format: Don’t need CUT TO’s between scenes or CONTINUED’s between pages.

The dialog was okay but could have been more distinctive to the characters: I had trouble hearing the character’s tones such as Elliot’s acerbic tones we know so well.

The biggest departure from police procedurals was the senator’s wife slapping the freed accused in front of the detectives: That’s assault with witnesses. The detectives would have had to arrest her.

Enough said.

Gary

Thank you for reading, kind sir.  Glad to have an SVU fan read the script and  offer their feedback.

I'm in transition from screenplays to teleplays so I can see how this teleplay can seem a bit vanilla.  I wanted to use this as a template in order to get the beats and pacing down that the show uses.  I agree this episode is tame.  I'm hoping to write about five more so hopefully I'll get more comfortable with the act breaks and the overall television writing format.

I actually used a template from Final Draft and the continueds and cut to's are actually default.  I even bought a sample script of an episode and this is the format they use.  I know teleplays are all about format so I wanted to use the format that the actual show writers use.

Thanks again for your input.  It is much appreciated.    

Hey Guy, I see you've been a member here for over a year and made two posts. You'll probably get a few more reads if you read and comment on other people's work.

Cheers,
Tim.

I just finished reading this script for SVU and I too, am a fan of SVU.

As grademan mentioned, I too had trouble hearing the characters, especially Stabler in the dialog. Another note, Fin most likely wouldn't call Elliot, Elliot--he would call him Stabler.

I couldn't picture, nor hear Alex saying the dialog that was written for her. She's more of a lay down the law and direct type of attorney, even with dealing with her own team.

I could hear Donnelly in her lines, except, she usually doesn't call Cabot, Cabot--she's good friends with Alex, they work in the same building and they were both in the District Attorney's office together. (I'm referring to Donnelly's first line)

Alex has a line about probable cause:

Quoted Text Well that is going to require a warrant.  Which needs probable cause

I recommend:

Quoted Text That's going to require a warrant. I need probable cause.

I understand it is very minor, but, it sounds more like Alex saying it, than a stranger or new ADA saying it.

As for the overall story line and script, I liked it! :)