Vanished by John L. Evans - Thriller - American heiress, Anne Macomber, walks out of her five star, Monte Carlo hotel and vanishes---without a trace. 136 pages - doc, format 8)

As much as I don't like reading long scripts here, I thought I'd give this a try.

If you can't afford a script program, download Celtix, please. I know you have the internet cousin you posted your story here. Please, do it. Do it now.

I see that you're also the novelist. Doesn't bode too well because the first bit of action reads like a novel.

The script is too much for me to plod through. Why plod? The action descriptions and the character descriptions are TMI. That does not portend good for the rest of the script. At all those pages, that means I'll spend the better part of 2-1/2 hours reading this. If you grabbed me with some awesome writing, it would be time well spent.

On solid hint: skip the small talk and get down to business. How many of the first 15 pages is dialogue? Way too many. You waste too many words. In a script, well, even a novel for that matter, words are precious.

Maybe I'm missing your story by stopping. Maybe. Learn one thing: you should hook me on the first page and every page after that needs to keep me there.