Josh - 'The Loving Sound of Hate' - Pilot by Isaiah McCants - Series, Comedy, Sitcom - Josh Jacob is a seventeen year old cynical kid. With the help of his lovable but dimwitted friend, Sam, his caring innocent friend Rachel, Josh can get through almost anything. 41 pages - doc, format 8)

Isaiah / CM93,

PDF works better than Word Docs on here. Plus there are whole sections in the screenwriting class about proper format, title pages and the like. Use proper screenwriting software if possible. It would help. Enough said.

Quite like the title. Get the feeling it would work better without 'Josh', but for each their own.

I doubt the Oliver Sykes reference will carry far. I'd suggest using a name more international.

I'd forget all that Act One and dissolve business too. It ain't helping. You're the writer. Not the director.

Your story revloves around a teenager, his friends, peers and the adults in his life. While this is fair enough it really isn't my area of choice. Far from it. I'd say you need to get far more happening in the first ten pages to hook a reader into the story. At the moment little occurs. And what does happens too slow.

There is the classic case of lots of dialogue which don't seem to serve any real purpose. Some of the dialogue is well paced and quite wittty. Overall it needs trimming. At the moment it reads to me like a soap opera. Perhaps this is what you are aiming for. If so, fair enough.

Sorry not to be more positive. Maybe others will see it different. Keep writing. It gets better and easier. Sometimes.

R xo




  

Thank you for your reply/feedback. It's definitely helpful. Yes, writing is not as easy as it looks, but hopefully I'm getting there. About turning it into a PDF file, I have tried, but there are no free programs for it.

Thank you for the site. Now my stuff can look more professional. (: