The Demon Slayer by Sharpcast User - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Jamie has come in contact with the supernatural right in his back yard. His quest is to find out whether he is cursed or not! The answer leads to an interesting Revelation about his own past. 90 pages - pdf, format 8)

Read your dialogue out loud. Do you talk that way? Do you want your characters on the big screen to talk that way? What you have is not the makings of a good movie. Do your characters act the way they should?

You have this cool story in your head and you just had to get it down on paper but the way it is that cool story is still stuck in your head because it's just not coming out right. What you don't have are the right tools to get it out of your head and on to paper, or laptop.

You should read at least half a dozen of the produced scripts posted on this site. Read Bruce Almighty since you have voices talking to your main character.

Read action scripts. Read recent scripts (ie recent movies). Just read them. Figure how the stories are told in scripts. Then do what those writers do until you get it out of your head and on the page.

To whoever you are (you haven't even got your name on the title page, WTF?),

This is pretty much a great example of how not to write a screenplay. Maybe 5 to 10% of what you wrote in your first page could actually be filmed.

Go read some screenplays, throw yours in the recycle bin and then start again from scratch. It will be worth it in the long run.

Cheers,
Tim.

I was curious about the copyright.  "2004-2010 Writers-Network. com."

Writers-Network.com is another online writers group, through it seems to have all types of writing in it.


Phil