Kidnapping Kanye by Corey Johnson - Comedy - Two brothers try any and everything to prevent their club from closing. 107 pages - pdf, format 8)

In my opinion you have to open a comedy with being funny. I don't think you achieved that. You should also get a handle on the english language before you go any further.

I read the first twelve pages, or so, of this script.  Unfortunately, there was nothing there to make me want to read further.  It was sophomoric and unfunny; while being immature, in itself, isn't really a problem, being immature and unfunny is.

The opening scene was extremely unfunny.  And opening with a masturbation joke just screams "Sorry folks, this is the best we got!"

And since when is a bank unwilling to put a stop payment on a check?  They charge a fee for that.  Why would they turn down such money?


Phil