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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  /  The 2010 Simply Script 7 week Feature challenge(2)
Posted by: mcornetto (Guest), September 5th, 2010, 12:28am
From: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1279338659/

The Seven Week Challenge was to write a thriller involving amnesia.


The Avondale Park Killer - 7WC by Brian McCluskey - Thriller - When a horror car crash on a young bride's wedding day leaves her with severe amnesia, she begins to suspect her new husband, who she has no recollection of whatsoever, may be responsible for a handful of recent murders in town. 94 pages - pdf, format 8)

C. C. World - 7WC by Catherine Hall (cmhall) - Thriller - Small business owners have to make a lot of difficult decisions -- like getting rid of a trusted employee, that's really difficult. 93 pages - pdf, format 8)

Flying With Fake Feathers - 7WC by George Willson (tubkas) - Thriller - Chased by the mob, berated by a woman, comforted by a stranger -- a man without an identity struggles to sort out who he is and where he belongs amidst the bizarre people and events that surround him. 94 pages - pdf, format 8)

Unforgettable - 7WC by Jeff Bush (dreamscale) - Thriller - A dream vacation in Barbados quickly turns into a nightmare for Jack, when his wife disappears and he has to fight through the maze of a lost memory to find her. 105 pages - pdf, format 8)

Bleeding Green - 7WC by T. Joseph Fraser (Blaakwolfe) - Thriller - A beautiful eco-terrorist has a change of heart after being struck with amnesia. Will she recover in time to save the world? 96 pages - pdf, format 8)

It Takes Two - 7WC by Khamanna Iskandarova - Thriller - An amnesiac patient must solve the puzzle of what have lead him to his present condition and choose who to believe his brother or his wife. Only he has a secret of his own… 92 pages - pdf, format 8)

Blackout - 7WC by P. Cook - Thriller - A young, up-and-coming attorney must solve the mystery of all the dead women in his apartment...before the police do. 97 pages - pdf, format 8)

Memwipe - 7WC by Herman Chow (coding herman) - Thriller - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail. 115 pages - pdf, format 8)

Lapse - 7WC by Ray - Thriller - FBI agent Elliot fights the Mexican drug cartel and American mafia to save the life of an informant to uncover the mole somewhere inside the US Marshals or the FBI itself. Instead, she uncovers a greater conspiracy. 101 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Brian M, September 5th, 2010, 3:00pm; Reply: 1
Am I right in saying we have 8, maybe 9 entries? Pretty good! I'll be reading them all in a completely random order, although it might take me two weeks to get through them all. It will be interesting for sure.

Carrying on from the other thread, I think Ray had a great idea about completing the full package, the synopsis, a treatment, and different pitches. I've never done any of them in the past as I didn't need them, I've never sent anything out to all the production companies. It could be something worth looking at in future challenges like this, where we all help each other come up with pitches etc. Just a thought.  
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 5th, 2010, 3:51pm; Reply: 2
Is Ray gonna submit his later in the week?
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), September 5th, 2010, 6:36pm; Reply: 3
Sweet!  They're up.  So, are we just commenting on them in this thread all together?

I doubt Ray will submit anything, but you never know.  Looks like a few others fell out at the end.

Great job all of you!!!
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 5th, 2010, 7:04pm; Reply: 4
I want to thank Pia, Jeff, and others who were so encouraging for the last seven weeks.

I never thought that I can finish a feature-length script. But here I am. And I had a blast writing it! It was good to have people writing with you.

Congratulations to all those who finished it on time.

P.S. Com'on, Ray! You can do it. Just submit what you have!
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 5th, 2010, 8:56pm; Reply: 5
It seems most of the scripts are within the 90-100 pages mark. I started to think mine is too long. Dang.
Posted by: RayW, September 7th, 2010, 10:22am; Reply: 6

Quoted from Coding Herman
P.S. Com'on, Ray! You can do it. Just submit what you have!


Howdy, Herman!

Yessir!
Yessir!

Just got baack in town to my own 'puter and am banging out my semi-rough, Pia style, knowing darn good and well there are things to augment and elucidate. < wink! wink> ;)
Will post it late today.


>> I doubt Ray will submit anything, but you never know.  Looks like a few others fell out at the end. <<

Unwarranted ugliness on your behalf.
I don't want to date you anymore.
Please quit calling if you don't want me any more.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/video/item/mel-gibson-rant-recording-released/
Posted by: Brian M, September 7th, 2010, 11:29am; Reply: 7
Well done, Ray!

I've read two, "Bleeding Green" up next but I've got football tickets for tonight, I'll get to it Thursday/Friday.

I'm impressed so far.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 7th, 2010, 8:31pm; Reply: 8
I'm going to go out on a limb here and possibly make myself unpopular, but I feel it needs to be said. When we have the OWC, the comments tend to be very short and often end up just saying I liked it or this one didn't work for me. That might have to do with there being 40 entries and people hurry to get through them. I'm almost getting the same feeling about the 7WC...  I don't know about you guys, but I intend to read every single script and do my best to be helpful to the writer with hopefully a lot of decent comments and suggestions. We all completed a feature. Lets not rush through the reviews.... It's not a contest who can finish reading them first. Lets help us all improve our scripts and even help polish loglines and synopsises so we can all send our scripts out there into the real world with pride and confidence.  :)
Posted by: Mr.Ripley, September 7th, 2010, 8:42pm; Reply: 9
I'm still working on mines in the hopes of submitting  it soon. But in my breaks away from writing, I read some of the entries. Not to the point of finishing but close enough. I'm really impressed on the fact almost everyone finished their feature and in reading it, how people took the concept and turned it into something of their own.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), September 7th, 2010, 8:52pm; Reply: 10
Post some comments, Gabe!  The more, the merrier!

I agree, Pia.  I've had 4 read and reviews but all are from non 7WC SS'ers.  Without them, I'd have zero.  I don't think you've had any yet, either (but at least you know I've already read yours - and will again with comments).

Herman is doing a Yeoman's job though on his commentary.  Good work, Herman!!

I feel bad about not finishing 3 of the scripts I've read, but I still tried very hard to offer as much advice/criticism/help as I could, and I will attempt to go back to them later.  I've even tried to go back on the 1 script I did finish and get some back and forth going to help, but it was not appreciated at all, by either the actual writer as well as 2 other non 7WC'ers.

I'm trying to help, and am always here for further assistance.
Posted by: RayW, September 8th, 2010, 12:10am; Reply: 11
Hoooraaayyyy!!!
The fat man finishes his first marathon!
Just... a few day's late.
Oh, look. Maybe I can help the sanitation dept. clean up now that the crowds are gone.
Cool.


>> Thanks! Your submission has been received.
After your submission has been reviewed, we will contact you.

Please note, it can take up to ten days before your work gets posted to the site.

Please click here to return to the main page. <<


It might not be purdy, but it's mine! And comin' yo way!!
Thank gawd.

I'll most respectfully start reading and notating 7WC scripts B&E Wednesday morning.
Ya'll have a night!
G'nite!
Posted by: khamanna, September 8th, 2010, 2:25am; Reply: 12
I'm giving each a thorough read. So far I've commented on Pia and Herman's and am planning to read and comment on all.
Posted by: George Willson, September 8th, 2010, 9:32am; Reply: 13
I'm a little slow getting started on the reading. I was lucky to finish the script in time as swamped as I've been lately. I will get through them all...eventually.
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 8th, 2010, 12:33pm; Reply: 14
I'm trying to read through all of them, but I'm a slow reader.

I just read Catherine's and Brian's. One I like, one.....not so much.

I also feel bad if I have to stop reading a script midway through it. Are they really that bad that you have to stop reading, Jeff?
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 8th, 2010, 12:38pm; Reply: 15
And congratulation, Ray!

Did you write down it's for the 7WC in the comments when you submitted it? Cuz Don might post that faster.

I'm looking forward to read yours.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), September 8th, 2010, 1:08pm; Reply: 16
Well, Herman, you be the judge when you get to them.  I'm reading your Memwipe now.  It's the last one for me (I read Pia's before she posted).  I'll try and go back to the ones I didn't finish later.
Posted by: Blakkwolfe, September 8th, 2010, 5:44pm; Reply: 17
Since all writing is re-writing, I'd suggest another goal (perhaps after the next OWC) to complete a full revision, to get these lumps of coal compressed into the shiny diamonds they can be.

Too often I stop at this point, but can use some encouragement to push through to that next level.
Posted by: stevie, September 8th, 2010, 6:25pm; Reply: 18
Good job all, for knocking out a script in 7 weeks!

I've just had a brainwave idea for a possible future challenge:

A specific theme is picked by, I dunno, a mod or somebody.

Then, all the participants either pick or get randomly allocated a GENRE, namely comedy, horror, drama, sci-fi, etc.

So you'd have all these different scripts about the same characters and story but in contrasting genres. I think the results would be pretty cool.
Posted by: RayW, September 8th, 2010, 6:46pm; Reply: 19

Quoted from Coding Herman
And congratulation, Ray!

Did you write down it's for the 7WC in the comments when you submitted it? Cuz Don might post that faster.

I'm looking forward to read yours.


Howdy, Herman!

(I musta hada brain fart 'cause I've not even thought to look at the second page of this thread. Dumb Dora!)

Thank you! And "Yessir" I did 7WC tag it and ta-daaaa! 18hrs later here it is!
It's Don Magic, I'm tellin' ya!
I reviewed Pia's this morning.
This evening I'm doin' George's.
Maybe late tonight or tomorrow morning YOU will be NUMBER 3!!!
Yours is scifi, right?
Kulio, Julio!

I got some hullabaloo comin' your way soze I can "Do ya right!".

Cheers!

Posted by: Mr.Ripley, September 9th, 2010, 2:41am; Reply: 20
I haven't comment at all since I'm trying to finish my script. Close to finishing it. Once I'm done, the reviews will begin. I need something to get my mind away from the script so I can then revise more.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 9th, 2010, 8:09pm; Reply: 21
As soon as you're finished with it Gabe, we're on it!  :)

Good idea Stevie! Not sure how others feel about it. The only negative I can think of would be some people may not spend the time writing a feature in a genre they dislike. A short I can see, but features takes a lot more time. I know I would have a hard time with sci-fi for example.

My reads so far:

It Takes Two
Flying With Fake Feathers
Bleeding Green


I'm picking them at random btw. No favoritism.  :)
Posted by: khamanna, September 9th, 2010, 9:06pm; Reply: 22
I read three and planning to get to C.C. World. Then I want to take a break from all the reading and resume again.
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 9th, 2010, 9:31pm; Reply: 23
I've read four so far as well:

C. C. World
The Avondale Park Killer
It Takes Two
Bleeding Green

Definitely not bad for 7 weeks (or less) of work.

Reading Fake Feathers now.
Posted by: seamus19382, September 9th, 2010, 9:46pm; Reply: 24
I've read Avondale Park, CC World, Fake Feathers and Unforgettable.

Bleeding Green is next.  I'm going per Cornettos post.

Very impressed so far!!!
Posted by: RayW, September 10th, 2010, 12:41am; Reply: 25
Got three bagged and tagged so far.
However, I'm booked till next week.
Will have to resume deep cavity searches on Monday.
DREs will still be available, though!
Posted by: Brian M, September 10th, 2010, 2:48pm; Reply: 26
I've read three so far, hopefully three more before Monday. Next up is Jeff, Pia, then Catherine, followed by Ray and George next week. I have a nice holiday in Spain coming up in two weeks time, but I'll definitely be finished by then.  

I've never seen so many feature reviews in such a short space of time. We should do these challenges more often!
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 10th, 2010, 5:48pm; Reply: 27
Good going guys! I didn't have time to finish Jeff's today. We were way too busy at work...which is good in these times and now I've opened a cold one so I know I won't get anything more done today. Maybe a short.  ;D
Posted by: Blakkwolfe, September 11th, 2010, 8:46am; Reply: 28
I'll start reviewin' next week after I get through with all th' homework.
Posted by: Brian M, September 11th, 2010, 12:02pm; Reply: 29
Just noticed these are also featuring on the main page of this site. Cool!
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 11th, 2010, 5:46pm; Reply: 30
Got four out of eight done. :)

Tomorrow I'm going to read one of Phil's. It's a loooong one, but the beginning looks promising.

Good work everyone!  :)
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 11th, 2010, 9:30pm; Reply: 31
I've read five.

Going to read yours now, Pia.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 14th, 2010, 7:27pm; Reply: 32
Okay, I have two left to read. Just read MemWipe and thought it was great for a first draft.

How is everyone doing? Are you busy rewriting?

I will start to work on mine tomorrow so if anyone had thought of reading Blackout, I would appreciate if you could hold two weeks or so till I get the next draft up. :)

Gonna rewrite Seriously Wounded too... I haven't abandoned it. I've just been really really busy at work.  

PS. Are all of you who took part getting the reads you had anticipated? Do you have questions about your scripts that haven't been answered yet?
Posted by: greg, September 14th, 2010, 7:39pm; Reply: 33
I don't know if I'll get around to reading all of these but I'm planning on reading at least a few.  I'm pretty impressed by the amount of responses each one has received thus far.  The last 7WC I don't believe was anything close.
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 14th, 2010, 10:44pm; Reply: 34
I've only two more left to read: Unforgettable and Lapse.

My favorites thus far: Blackout and Avondale Park Killer.

I know it's not a contest, but I just wanna give extra praise to the ones that I enjoyed. But everyone who participated should have gotten a pat on the back already.

Should we set a deadline for the first rewrite as well?

I planned to rewrite mine, but......don't know when.
Posted by: khamanna, September 14th, 2010, 10:46pm; Reply: 35
I have four left but got to postpone with the reading. Thinking to rewrite mine, don't want people to read it anymore and that's why I should rush and rewrite. Kind of feeling the pressure - which is wonderful, otherwise I'd rewrite in a year or two:)
Posted by: RayW, September 14th, 2010, 10:53pm; Reply: 36
Thinking to rewrite mine, don't want people to read it anymore and that's why I should rush and rewrite.
AYE!!! I'm reading and notating It Takes Two tonight!
(Sorry! Kids with strep throat are killin' my reading time!)
Should I quit and move on or what?
Fish or cut bait?
:)
Posted by: khamanna, September 14th, 2010, 10:54pm; Reply: 37
RAy, Please do read, I said so on my thread.
Posted by: RayW, September 14th, 2010, 10:57pm; Reply: 38
Just saw that.
Gracias, senorita Khamanna.

< smiles, removes sombrero then bows >
Posted by: George Willson, September 14th, 2010, 11:10pm; Reply: 39
I am fine with my reads as they stand. I understand the feedback and will commence my rewrite right after I a) read everyone else's and b) write the third Fempiror book. I've really been lazy on that last one. I need to get that done. Ok, so I've rewritten a little bit already. It's kind of a distraction.
Posted by: seamus19382, September 15th, 2010, 10:31pm; Reply: 40
Finished reading them all, except for Khamanna, who told me to stop 60 pages in!  

I have to say I'm very impressed but what you guys came up with.  Obviously, there were varying levels of success, but I can see a really good feature in every one of them, with some work.

I look forward to seeing what you guys come up with in rewrites.   If anyone wants to discuss their work further, let me know.  

Thanks, and congratulations!
Posted by: khamanna, September 15th, 2010, 10:58pm; Reply: 41
--yeah, never say 30 when you can say 60:)
Posted by: seamus19382, September 16th, 2010, 8:57am; Reply: 42
I was hoping you wouldn't remember!
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 16th, 2010, 10:43pm; Reply: 43
Mr. Ripley, where's your script?
Posted by: Mr.Ripley, September 17th, 2010, 8:33am; Reply: 44
Hey Coding,

I'm still writing it. Trying to see if i can make it flow in story and understanding. I have a tendency of confusing things. But rest assured, I'll have submitted soon. It's not the greatest thing in the world, but something.

Gabe
Posted by: George Willson, September 17th, 2010, 9:29am; Reply: 45
True that people don't like confusing. I made mine confusing on purpose (i.e. actions that seem to make no sense at the time, but placed into context later), and as soon as I crossed that line, Phil and Jeff (Dogglebe and Dreamscale) refused to read any further.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), September 17th, 2010, 11:34am; Reply: 46
I intend on going back to yours, George.

I've attempted to read all 8 scripts.  I have commented quite a bit on all of the threads, whether I read 2 pages, or the entire script.  I even attempted to keep some back and forth dialogue going, but some of the writers chose not to.  When a writer posed a question to my feedback, I responded and tried to clarify my comments.

Of the 8 writers, I have had zero comments on my thread from 5 of them, which is quite depressing, actually.  One of the writers even chose not to acknowledge or respond to my feedback on their script thread.

Luckily, I've had non 7WC SS'ers read and provide lots of great feedback, as well as Gabe, who will have his 7WC script finished shortly.  Other than that, I feel feedback on a whole has been pretty weak, and not in the spirit I was expecting and hoping for.

Oh well, what can you say?
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 17th, 2010, 11:48am; Reply: 47
Hey Jeff, I will read yours after I finish with Ray's.
Posted by: khamanna, September 17th, 2010, 12:03pm; Reply: 48
I'm still reading... Have to finish Ray's.

Dreamscale, you have so many comments on yours... I decided to read the other ones before yours - it's just you have all the help you need I think (at least more than the rest of us). So that's why no comments on yours from me for now:)
Posted by: Grandma Bear, September 17th, 2010, 8:20pm; Reply: 49

Quoted from Dreamscale
I've had non 7WC SS'ers read and provide lots of great feedback....
Oh well, what can you say?
  
:'(


I'm going over everyone's comments to my comments on their scripts as soon as I can and will try to provide more suggestions.
Posted by: Coding Herman, September 23rd, 2010, 10:02pm; Reply: 50
I'm wondering how many car accidents and hit-and-runs are there in the 7WCs.

Brian - 1
Jeff - 1
Pia - 1
Herman - 2
Ray - too many to count
Posted by: RayW, September 23rd, 2010, 10:19pm; Reply: 51
LOL!
Lemme see...

1 - Opening sequence involved two vehicles
2 - Under the bridge between ambulance and brown car
3 - Under the bridge between ambulance and blue car
4 - Second intersection between yellow car and black beamer
5 - Ambulance reversing in the warehouse
6 - Three big-rigs through warehouse doors
7 - Falcon's SUV when Pike shot him in the leg after Madison kicked him
8 - Multiple vehicles when Falcon shot a couple rounds outta one of these fat bastards:


9 - the motorcycle Madison car-jacked and crashed into the...
10 - ... red pick-up Pike car-jacked, which Madison makes him wreck at the marina.


Fat.
Salt.
Sugar.
Give the audience what they want!
;D

11 - And then there's the cabin cruiser Falcon blew-up with the anti tank missile.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, October 3rd, 2010, 10:17pm; Reply: 52
Just checking in. How is everyone doing? Have you finished your rewrites? I have to be honest and tell you that I have done nothing on mine yet. I started reading through the comments on mine today and I'm mulling over what changes I need to make.

I know that's a few weeks longer than I said, but...geez fuck I HATE rewrites!!!!

Starting it tomorrow though.

Stevie, I'm reading SENT! And to anyone else who read, I will read yours as well!

:)
Posted by: George Willson, October 4th, 2010, 8:01am; Reply: 53
Heck, I'm still slowly getting through reviewing everyone else's. I've done two so far, and desperately trying to write something else that I really need to get done. Time is not on my side recently. My real-world-job has been hell lately.
Posted by: khamanna, October 4th, 2010, 8:31am; Reply: 54
I started the rewrite but it's so far from being done... I feel like I have to take a seminar on rewriting, used to rewrite before but it was never so hard.

You guys already started OWC - I can't keep up with you all:) I decided not to commit until the rewrite is done.
Posted by: khamanna, October 4th, 2010, 8:32am; Reply: 55

Quoted from Coding Herman
I'm wondering how many car accidents and hit-and-runs are there in the 7WCs.

Brian - 1
Jeff - 1
Pia - 1
Herman - 2
Ray - too many to count


I have one too.
Posted by: Brian M, October 4th, 2010, 1:27pm; Reply: 56

Quoted from Coding Herman
I'm wondering how many car accidents and hit-and-runs are there in the 7WCs.

Brian - 1
Jeff - 1
Pia - 1
Herman - 2
Ray - too many to count


I have two, one with an eighteen-wheeler, and another with a baby not strapped into the car seat (that was an accident!).

I'm starting to outline my rewrite and could start it this week. I have to rewrite my comedy too, but there's a lot more work involved in that so I'll do my 7WC first.
Posted by: RayW, October 4th, 2010, 4:15pm; Reply: 57
I ain't even doing nothing on Lapse until well after everyone kicks the can on the OCT OWC.
I'm thinkin'... November.
To even begin.
Q1 2011 to finish.
Posted by: seamus19382, October 4th, 2010, 7:08pm; Reply: 58
So I was thinking of you guys the other day.  I read the first draft of Salt, then I read the later draft, which Brian Hegeland worked on.  If you're stuck for ideas on how to proceed, or just as an interesting exercise to see what other writers do when they rewrite, it might not be bad to chack out.  It's a thriller, and it has flashbacks!

I will say that I think a couple of your originals were better than the first draft.
Posted by: Coding Herman, October 4th, 2010, 9:33pm; Reply: 59
I have done nothing on mine as well. Re-write is really a bitch.

Mine will be a major re-write with new characters and subplots.
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