Angel by Javier Torregrosa (jayrex) - Short, Drama - Can Phil really save Michael from a life of drugs and turn his life around? - pdf, format 8)

Javier,

Good show. Ha ha. Took this very seriously at first, then the comedy protruded, then the joke was on us. nice delivery. Enojoyed it thoroughly.

Proper timing I might add.


SPOILERS!!!!!!

Never thought of Phil as an Angel. Maybe Angel of Death. Definitely worth A read here for veteran S.S. folk.

Although, I do believe it wasn't Jeff's handy work they chased this lad off IMO. Rather his own overstepping of certain boundaries.

Psst, pretty sure he still lurks these boards. Good to see a poke at him for a change.


James


P.S. Hope he has the same sense of humor he thought everyone else should have while doing his own parodies.

Cheers for the upload Don.

Thanks for the read James, much appreciated.

I was inspired from a moment back in June/July, (can't remember & can't check using this mobile), between Phil & Michael.  And remembering what Michael did when he first started here I thought it would be humorous. Couldn't find any of his scripts so couldn't use any past material.

The ending I'm not sure about as I've changed that about a few times.

I wanted to throw in a few more cameos but felt it worked as it is.

Happy you enjoyed it.

Hey Javier, not sure how or why I found this, but I did...all on my own, even!

Here's what I think - "It’s littered with like a thousand mistakes, bad grammar, poor
sentence structure, a non-existent story. Just a complete waste of my time."

HaHa!  How's that?

Funny stuff here.  I got a few laughs.  Well done.  Now, I have to get back to being a prick.

Later.

Hey Jeff,

Cheers for the read, much appreciated.

Happy you got a few laughs and took this in good spirits.

Now, I wonder how Michael will take this?

All the best,

Javier

Hi,

I enjoyed this, but I think I may still be a bit of a newbie to the boards to fully appreciate the humour/background.

It's nicely written. I thought the start was particularly good: extremely visual and a little different (which is always a bonus).

Regards,
Thornton

Hello Thornton,

Cheers for the read, pleased you enjoyed this short despite not knowing the background to this.

Reread this again and found a few more mistakes.  Darn, fixed them now.

All the best,


Javier

Thanks for the upload, its a pretty fluid read.
I'm new here, so I don't get all the in-jokes.
That being said, I still chuckled here and there.
Your action description is a little chunky at time, "lightning filling the room."
I was like, "Whoa, really?" Then I figured you meant it was the light from the bolts.
The dialogue feels natural and I was never bored, good work!

I generally don't read Simply Scripts as I was never happy with how the people/characters are portrayed.  I don't think the writer knows the others enough to capture them on paper.  With the Summer 2010 Clusterfuck, I think there was enough fodder.

I was cute, and I chuckled more than once or twice.

Quoted Text         MICHAEL Yeah, like I'll ever write a bestseller.         PHIL You sure won't.

Funny.  And eerily prophetic.

About the only thing missing was the mention of talking head machinimas.


Phil (no angel)

Thanks for the read Electric Dreamer, happy that you weren't bored and thought it was a good read.  I didn't really fill it with many in jokes, so hopefully the average Joe would like it too.

Cheers for the read Phil.

I was wondering how Michael and Jeff would take this more than yourself, as I intended to make you the good guy in this script.  Considering the argument that went on before.

Once the idea came to me, the rest pretty much wrote itself.  I was please with some of the lines I wrote, especially the ones you've highlighted.

Maybe Michael would be kind enough to make machinima out of this script?

Javier

Wow, quite a few comments whilst I was out.

Cheers for the read Michael, and I'm happy that you'll get over it when I crossed the line.

I've written like four/five scripts on religious topics and they're not very positive.  So if you thought the comment of Jesus was bad, you should stay away from my scripts.  I've done far worse on Jesus in four scripts, and God like once, and other characters.

On a side note, if people are always finding God, how come he goes missing all the time?

Oh, and I'll change that can to a bottle if that's you're preferred drink Phil, or should I use a pint glass?

Javier,

Since we're here to discuss this script, I figured I'd give it a read.  Especially because it's about Michael - which could have been me - but wasn't - Whew!

The basic concept here is pretty well done.  I can relate with it.  Do you remember my Machinima from a while back about the same sort of thing?



Anyway, shameless plugs aside,  I thought you handled things well.  It wasn't so insulting that those involved would take exception, though I think Phil might not like being associated with angels.  Dunno.  

I got a laugh at the booger line though.  

Otherwise, you had lots of typos.  Definitely work on that.  I know it's hard to do but it's necessary in something this short.   And I wasn't sure I really understood the ending.  Was Phil working with Jeff to make people turn their back on screenwriting?  If so, HA!

Good work.

Quoted from screenrider unlike Angel, Cornetto's Machinima was genuinely funny.    You should try following his lead.    8)

Each to their own.

Looked up these quotes, even though I wrote what I did in jest.  I suppose it's a good response.

The thread has been cleaned out.  Limit your discussion to the script.  

Don

LOL, I did had quite a few laughs reading this. It was a zippy read, too.

Too bad I just checked this out later than everyone else. Wanna see how Phil, Jeff, and Michael respond to this.

Okay, not bad, could be better. ;)

Quoted from Coding Herman LOL, I did had quite a few laughs reading this. It was a zippy read, too. Too bad I just checked this out later than everyone else. Wanna see how Phil, Jeff, and Michael respond to this. Okay, not bad, could be better. ;)

Tee-hee.  Yeah, it was a real hoot.  ::)

Apologises for this stinkingly late response.  Now all the hoo-ha has died down and my short film has been made, I've found time to respond.

Cheers for the read Michael, I'm happy you enjoyed it.

The booger line was completely random and just threw it in there so to speak and thought no one would like that line at all.  Happy it found an audience.

Not sure about the typos, probably my grammar needs work, as far as spelling mistakes, apart from nothing found by the spell checker or anything I put in the script on purpose, I couldn't see what you're talking about.  I did find the dvd should be DVD but fixed that a while back.

As there was a few Michaels on the site, I used screenriders full name.  I have since amended this as it had bothered him, but not to the point where another Michael may be mistakenly thought of as the character.

As for the ending, well, really this shouldn't be revealed.  Did they collaborate or not?  I'll leave that open.

Cheers for the read Coding Herman, happy you found some laughs.

Despite Michael's comment that this was a real hoot, that was not how he put it to me.  Actually, I should remove it from my signature to be correct.

EDIT: You need to take a chill pill screenrider.  Can't believe I've had to block someone on this site.

All the best,


Javier

Haha, this made me laugh, Javier.

Your audience is limited to regulars of this site, since anyone else would be left scratching his head. But I guess you already know that and decided to have some fun.

My only advice would be, go crazy on this from the start. Establish upfront this is a simply spoof. Maybe it's me but I think it might be taking a bit too long for the script to show its "real face".

Still, good show.  :)

Cheers for the read Mr Z, much appreciated.

I know what you mean, stick to one genre.  Which I tried to do but seem to get in the habit of switching from drama to comedy (which I'd like to do in a film).  But as it's a simplyscripts spoof, I should have stuck with the one.

Someone actually contacted me about shooting this script and I pointed them away from it.  And he didn't know the background of the characters too.  Funny odd world we live in.

@ SR Leviticus 19:18

Javier

If this is about the day in the life of Mr. Mcornetto then I say you have really, really studied your subject matter.

If I recall a few of Mcornetto's scripts have been psychodelic so that expalins the drugs reference. I'm pretty sure Mcornetto wrote a script about little kids picking their nose and rolling it up into the worlds biggest booger ball, so that explains the nose picking as a hobby.

A fun script that plays silly buggers with some of the SS locals.    

Hey Glenn, cheers for the read.

I see how you came to that conclusion but this isn't based on cornetto but rather screenrider. You may have missed the arguments that seemed to come & go during the summer. Mostly on religion.

Javier