Mark - Beth by Leonard Stevenson - Short, Drama - A woman whose biological clock is ticking finds herself in bed with more than she bargained for. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Is this some kind of joke?

This started off [kind of] promising, but as it got further and further into the "story," it became less and less coherent. First off, your format has some errors in it. You have numbered sluglines...or something...Along with misplaced actions placed in parenthesis. Example:

              BETH
It’s all over now and probably for
the best. (Aside) Slut. (Aloud) I
hate to admit it, but Darryl sure
could...

Should be:

              BETH
It's all over now and probably for
the best.
(Aside)
Slut.
(Aloud)
I hate to admit it, but Darryl sure
could...



It's also very difficult to actually follow what's going on when you have barely any descriptions throughout your dialogue. At the end, I guess Harriet, Darryl, and Beth (I have no idea who Liz is, unless Beth is short for Elizabeth, which you obviously need to clarify) are in bed together, and Mark has come home to realize this.

What's up with what day it is? You have Day 30 and Day 21 in two of your slugs...What's that supposed to mean? Does it have any significance? Is this script moving backwards in the plot (where we start off with Harriet, Darryl, and Beth in the bed, and then end up with them in the bed at the end of the script)?

Oh, and the ending, too...I don't even want to ask about that. Seems like you kind of just wanted it to go into some kind of conversation where everyone is talking gibberish, eh?

Seems like you're new at this. Hopefully this helped. If not, hopefully other people on this site will help, too. I just really want to know what the hell is going on in this script...

Sean

Quoted from Zombie Sean               BETH It’s all over now and probably for the best. (Aside) Slut. (Aloud) I hate to admit it, but Darryl sure could... Should be:               BETH It's all over now and probably for the best. (Aside) Slut. (Aloud) I hate to admit it, but Darryl sure could...

Actually, I'm seeing more and more pro scripts where the wrylie is placed within the dialogue. Don't know if it's just a coincidence or the new trend. Either way, it looks bad.

Quoted from sniper Actually, I'm seeing more and more pro scripts where the wrylie is placed within the dialogue. Don't know if it's just a coincidence or the new trend. Either way, it looks bad.

It's just distracting, or maybe I'm not used to it, but I don't like it. I don't like it one bit! >:(

Sean

I used to add my wrylies to dialogue when I wanted to meet a page count.