Doppelganger by Alexander Hay - Drama, Dark Comedy - A writer of a seedy private-eye t.v. series- (plagued by the appearance of his main fictional creation(only he can see/hear him)- becomes the leading suspect in a multiple murder with his fictional character his only alibi. 113 pages - pdf, format 8)

I fuck about with spellings myself becuase I'm a working class oik but. Shurely Dopplegager ain't spwelled dat whay?

Anywhom, your logline nearly put me off - imagine that shite on a poster, plus you're supposed to centre the fuckin' thing. Sorry, my manners left me when I tried to find a decent fucking script to read.

Here we are, I failed. If I want camera directions I'll read a Nikon manual. You ain't Coppola or Fincher. Or Kubrick RIP, call me Balt's barstard son but I am fucking sick of reading lazy shite by half arsed egotists who write hundreds of pages of bollocks.

Don't take it personal. Well, you probably will but you gotta learn. You may turn up at my house and confront me. And then I rip your head off.

Look, some of this is good and most of it ain't. How do I know? I used to read for Hollywood, for buttons, for months to get my foot in the door, And I'm still not there. How's that for honesty.

Keep doing it. But lose the underlines and make the story better. Good luck.

RH xo

The correct spelling is doppelganger.  It's spelled correctly in the logline, which is Alexander's spelling.  The incorrect spelling, in the heading, I believe is Don's doing.

I'll agree with Rende that the logline is a careless mess.  It's enough to turn a potential reader off from reading it.


Phil

Hey Alexandar,

That really is a terrible logline, which is a shame because people will use it to decide whether to read a script. I know I do! Hence if you want reads/reviews I'd do something about it quick. I have no idea if you can change a logline once it's up, but you could ask. To be honest, I only thought I'd have a look because of Rendevous' rant above.

I read the first 7 pages - personally, I thought there was quite a decent concept in there. Again, unfortunately, your unusual formatting will put off people. Personally, I'm not so bothered about it, but I know a lot of people will be. So....

I liked the concept. I thought the repeat scene with doppel character was quite a neat technique. The dialogue is good and believable from what I read, but only once I'd twigged it's in Scotland - that is right, isn't it. Glasgow? The dialogue read much better once I put on a Scottish accent.

Some problems though.....

You have 'comedy' in the genre. In seven pages I  didn't have the slightest smile on my face.
The camera directions - again I'm not that bothered, but there's so many in the first few paragraphs I nearly stopped reading at that point because I couldn't understand what was going on with the story.
And lastly, is this doppel character real in the first pages or are we just visualising what Ian is writing? It's a bit confusing.

I see you haven't replied to Rendevous or Dogglebe.

I'd be interested in your views.

I would be interested in your views as well.  

You have an interesting concept but it was very difficult to get through the first pages with all of the camera directions, strange formatting and the same question of the the Dop character being real or a visual of Ian's story.  I had a difficult time understanding what was supposed to be going on exactly.

Maybe you'll post your answer soon.  What I could make out of the logline was enough to make me check it out.  


Good luck

I've never read a script with so many shower scenes before. I'm pretty sure this set some kind of record!

Let me see if I got this straight...

Alex posted the script in earlier October--and then posted a revised version in January--but he still hasn't commented on this thread?

Seriously?


Phil