Hell's House A.K.A. Devil's Home by Veselin Stoqnov - Short, Horror - Elli, Megan and Selena are on a road trip. But what happens when they shelter themselves in an abounded house near the road? - pdf, format 8)

"Hell's House" is...well, I'd stick with Hell's House because I was waiting for The Devil in the script, and bad ol' Beezelebub never so much as hissed, so 'Hell's House' is a better title.

I had to re-read this and back up a few times. If it wasn't for a line of dialog, I would have sworn Elli was a girl. No matter. OWC called for two guys and a girl, not two (or was it three?) women.
I think you need a pat on the back to rise to the challenge anyway. For something rough and off the cuff, it's fair. Nothing about it stands out but spelling, grammar and TWO VERY NOTICEABLE THINGS LIKE CAPS WITH A CAMERA DIRECTION.

Knock out the We Sees. I can see it anyway.

I like the idea of the sinking house. But it was there at one point.

Congrats on completing a script for this OWC, Veselin.

Sorry, but the writing is just atrocious.  I'm not even going to get past page 1.

So many mistakes literally everywhere.  Not going to cut it, I'm afraid.

A little harsh there, Jeff.  But I will give you something to cheer you up.

This is obviously an author whose first language is not English.

If you go through and read all the lines with a very thick Russian accent -- particularly when the wheelchair guy "gets it" -- your reading experience will be vastly improved.

Just trust me on that one.

Kind of amusing story, Veselin -- but your work would be improved if you could get a native speaker to proof for you.

Oh well.  Sorry.

Veselin,

Congrats on completing the OWC!
I had a hard time following your story.
I take it English is not your native language?
Perhaps a friend can help you with the language barrier.
If you read some scripts here, it will help you with your technical formatting.
Read Dreanscale's script for technical tips, he's solid.
Good luck with your future writing!

Regards,
E.D.

Yes, I'm the idiot who wrote that xD. Thanks for everyone's comments. I really need to improve my grammar and technical formatting. My first language is obviously not English, so I try my best. I'm still a teenager, but I really want to be in the film making business in the future.

At one moment I thought I was disqualified. But whatever. And I really think that Elli is a man's name.

Veselin

The line on page 6 - I'm not going to heart you. I thought it was a pun on Elli ripping out her heart, pretty good, but then again it was a spelling mistake if it wasn't a pun.