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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  The Ring Finger
Posted by: Don, November 7th, 2010, 9:40am
The Ring Finger by Leonard Chitunhu - Comedy - A group of teens must stop a movie that literally bores people to death. 110 pags - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Trojan, November 7th, 2010, 10:29am; Reply: 1
Leonard, you've got a number of mistakes in just one page alone. My advice would be to proofread your work thoroughly before submitting on here. If you can't write one page without making obvious errors then I don't like the odds on the other 100 or so pages.

Cheers,
Tim.
Posted by: fionaman, November 7th, 2010, 12:09pm; Reply: 2
Probably the greatest logline I've read on this site, but Trojan is right, rife with errors. Remember, presentation is everything.

EDIT: Some of the errors in the first page

misspelled words
missing slug lines (in the intercutting)
a missing insert I believe

I might just make this my next read though, I can look past technical errors if theres a good story there :)
Posted by: Marcus Gravy, November 8th, 2010, 2:35am; Reply: 3
Can I spell check then resubmit it? I had gone over it a couple of times though.
Posted by: mcornetto (Guest), November 8th, 2010, 4:04am; Reply: 4
When I first saw your name I thought it said Leonard Cthulhu  and I thought, really???

But apparently it's not, unless you made a typo on your name...

In which case you would correct it and resubmit the script. And you would be sure to let the webmaster know by using the Comments box on that form that this is a new draft of an existing script.
Posted by: Marcus Gravy, November 8th, 2010, 9:34am; Reply: 5
How do you intercut? Should the slug line be over every other transition? Or you can:

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Jim...

INT. BASEMENT - DAY

Joe shmoe....

Intercut Joe and Jim
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), November 8th, 2010, 9:38am; Reply: 6
You can always resubmit a script.  Just tell Don that so he won't post it as a second script.

Don't just use a spellchecker.  Read the script aloud.  Very often I'll type a similar word in a sentence than what I intend; a spellchecker won't pick it up.

You pretty much got the intercut right.  Just capitalize INTERCUT JOE AND JIM


Phil
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