The Myth of the Cuban Missile by Craig Ramirez (craiger6) - Short - Before becoming dictator of Cuba, Fidel Castro was just another baseball loving Cuban who got a tryout with the Washington Senators.  At least that's the way the C.I.A. tells it. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

I thought this was an interesting and could easily be turned into an urban legend.

I did have a problem with Sandy.  Was she a television reporter?  Or did she work for the government.  My opinion of her swayed from one way to the other.

You need to put a little more visuals into the script.  For the most part, it's just two people talking.  Throw in flashbacks or something.  Have George get up and move around a little.  If this is being shot in his den, have him look at photos of him with powerful friends.


Phil

Hi Craig.

I like the way you told this tale. If it’s not true, it ought to be. Here are my comments.

P.1

Bellows > Billows

Tighten up the intro: aimlessly, this way and that, not needed. Get rid of the It by combining the two sentences. A shaky hand grasps the cigar...

Tokes is associated with marijuana not cigars. Stokes?

Can someone be described as earnest? Either way, you definitely show the reporter is earnest so it may be redundant.

A pad sits in her lap. Notepad would clarify this.

Why does she need a notepad if she has a digital voice recorder?

No need to cap props such as the recorder. Why not cap the notepad and pencil? It’s like reading your story nice and reasonable and then shouting DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER.

Osama Bin Jack Ass worth a chuckle but felt forced.

P. 2

No quotes needed around cigar

What are timber britches?

She means business is redundant, you’ve already shown that.

Rolls her eyes is cliche, weak. Try exasperated.

P.3

George is 80 or 84?

So, this is going to be a dialogue driven piece. Okay.

P.4

Dialogue reads the same to me without voice instructions such
as (beat) and underlining and italicizing.

Deligitimized > underminded?

P.7

Besides > beside

Pallid > pale

No need to cap EL PRESIDENTE, Fidel’s already been introduced

Pats his head > touches his brow

Ending good but a little muddled. I wasn’t clear if the myth was true (the CIA was misleading us) or if Fidel believed it himself?

Overall, I liked it but the reporter vs. the old agency man has been done. Still, you handled it well. Did you consider doing this as an action oriented piece with Fidel actually trying out?

Most of my comments are based on my preferences, so use them if you like them.

Gary

          

Excellent story, Craig.

I see very few of these shorts being rewritten and resubmitted so I'm growing increasingly loathe to make suggestions for such, only for ideas going forward.

I liked it. As is, just fine.

I can see where a cinematographer and set designer would have fun with the environments and props.
Talking head interviews can be done well if aperture control brings attention to details like the deepening crows feet of an old man's grin, the crackling spark of a cigar's drag and the tightening of an old man's knuckles around an ancient baseball.
I believe the industry term is called "pick ups".

And the actors could add a little something, too, if a director is lucky.
The actor that does those Dos Equis commercials comes to mind.
            "George"


             "Sandy" (Leslie Bibb)



I've mixed feelings about Sandy.
It's a difficult spot for a thoughtful writer to portray.
If all the characters are intelligent and informed then there's little to talk about.

I look at you. You look at me. We both know WTH the situation means three layers deep leaving zero to discuss.

On the other hand, writing a character juuuuust ignorant enough to draw out conversation for an interview is difficult.
Sandy sounds like a junior journalist for an audience I have no clue about.
Anyone intelligent enough to care about George's story isn't going to care for her all-legs-no-brains approach to this interview.
Dumb@ss should have known old men are not dead men.
Of course he's gonna look at he legs. Duh. Wear slacks, ding-dong.

So... going forward with subsequent stories...
It's difficult. I respect your & the situation and like the visuals.


Oh, recorder -and- notepad (as opposed to "maxi", of course)
Recorder is for reference to later, and for legal reasons.
Notepad is to jot down perhaps a single word during the interview for follow-up questions or supporting detail that you don't wanna forget as the current/present answer drags out.

Now, why you'd want a digital recorder if a cameraman is taping - I can only guess.
Maybe for her own personal reasons without having to fool with a audio feed from the video.
Maybe the camera audio is garbage.
Maybe the audio boom guy is out with a cold.
Maybe the DTR is the audio.
I dunno.
I don't mind filling in some blanks myself.
Others do, however.

"Cigar" isn't the tobacco kind.

Would you like a cigar?
isn't the same as
Would you like a "cigar"?

It's very inventive, I think. The conversation made sense - the only thing that I didn't like is that Fidel Castro fell in love with baseball - is that true, I wonder? That moment somehow diminishes the impact and I don't know what it's there for.

But I liked the short very much.

Some notes:

toss my hot coffee - will she say "hot"? - maybe just "toss my coffee"
p5 cuban woman - cuban women
he says dieing? - he speaks with an accent?

Craig,

I like the tone of subject selection for this one, it stands out from the herd.
Injecting humanizing myth into historical figures is something I enjoy.
My attention wandered on page five after the cigar offer.
Partially due tom as Phil stated, a lack of variety on the page.
Cutaways, room details, some other dynamic would help your story.
I felt like we were summarizing the first five pages in the last three.
Capping it all off with the reveal for the ending.
After some thought, I think Sandy is the real problem with this story.
She's the cockblock for our storyteller with her quips and jibes.
Sandy is not in the know, but acts like she's got a handle on things.
I don't care for characters that impede interesting premises.
Perhaps if George was younger and about to retire from the agency.
He's a curator of some vintage but obscure archives.
George is turning over those old school archives over to a new school academy agent.
Now, we have a dynamic that let's George weave his urban legend spell.
That character dynamic accommodates your storyteller, Sandy does not.

As it stands, I enjoy most of the read and very much enjoy the premise.
I'm a sucker for "fictionalized" events surrounding historical figures.
Thanks for sharing and keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.

Hey guys,

Apologies for the tardy reply, but I’ve been running around nonstop for the last two days.  Thanks for taking a look at this one.  As always, it really is much appreciated.

I started thinking about this one a little while back after my dad, brother, and I were talking baseball, and the conversation somehow turned to Fidel Castro and how he had supposedly tried out with the Washington Senators (now the Texas Rangers).  I immediately thought, “Oh wow, what if he had made the major leagues instead of becoming a dictator.  That would make a cool story.”  Sure enough, after doing a smidgen of research, apparently a bunch of other people thought the same thing and had written any number of articles about the same fantasy.

I was going to just give it up all together, but, I’m a big baseball fan, and I haven’t written any baseball related scripts yet, so I decided to tweak it after I read a terrific book on the C.I.A. called, “Legacy of Ashes” (http://www.amazon.com/Legacy-Ashes-History-Tim-Weiner/dp/038551445X).  (That, and the fact that the other short script idea I had on my cork board was, and I shit you not, “Man slips in the shower – dog eats his face” – I was drinking).

Anyway, stories tend to differ, but best I can make out, Castro played ball as a youngster, and was a half decent pitcher and apparently someone from the Washington Senators submitted a scouting report on him.  The report wasn’t flattering (something along the lines of decent curve, but no fastball…pass) and he never actually got a try out.  So, there never really was a threat of Castro making the major leagues, but it’s still a fun idea to play around with.

Phil:

“I did have a problem with Sandy.  Was she a television reporter?  Or sis she work for the government.  My opinion of her swayed from one way to the other.”

Yeah, she was just meant to be a TV reporter interviewing an old CIA man.  I kind of had an issue with Sandy in general as she was kind of one dimensional.  All she was doing was asking questions.  That’s why I tried to give her a bit of an edge when George was getting pushy.

“You need to put a little more visuals into the script.  For the most part, it's just two people talking.  Throw in flashbacks or something.  Have George get up and move around a little.  If this is being shot in his den, have him look at photos of him with powerful friends.”

Agreed, and this is why I got stuck a few pages in.  I realized it was just two talking heads.  I couldn’t figure out a way to end the interview and get to the end.  

I like the idea of the pictures.  Maybe a young George, dressed in fatigues, cigar hanging from the corner of his mouth, palling around with some of his CIA buddies in some far off jungle.  Good idea.  Thanks again for the read.

Gary:

" P.1 Bellows > Billows”

My bad.  Embarrassed.  Thanks.

“Tighten up the intro: aimlessly, this way and that, not needed.”

I dunno, I kind of like this.  I think I’ll keep it.

“Get rid of the It by combining the two sentences.”

I agree.  Thanks.

“Tokes is associated with marijuana not cigars. Stokes?”

Generally, yes, but smoking is smoking.  But yes, def heard more in reference to pot.

“Why does she need a notepad if she has a digital voice recorder?”

Whether it’s for show or not, I often see TV reporters conducting an interview with a pad in their lap so that they can take notes.  Sure they have the recording, but they still want to be able to take notes so they can refer back to something during the interview.

“No need to cap props such as the recorder. Why not cap the notepad and pencil? It’s like reading your story nice and reasonable and then shouting DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER.”

Agreed.  I admit, I struggle with this kind of stuff.

“What are timber britches?”

Apparently, after a Google search, something that I thought old men used to refer to younger woman’s legs.

“George is 80 or 84?”

No, Castro is 84 – hence you would be talking to me about every 84 year old…

“Besides > beside”

Damn.  Thanks.

“Ending good but a little muddled. I wasn’t clear if the myth was true (the CIA was misleading us) or if Fidel believed it himself?”

See above for the “true story”, but basically I think what I was after was that Castro ends up loving the game even though it was all started by a plot by the CIA.  The whole, “the game transcends” all cultural boundaries and all that.

“Did you consider doing this as an action oriented piece with Fidel actually trying out?”

Yeah, I guess that’s where I was initially heading.  I saw it playing out on some baseball field in the deep south with Castro coming in during the late innings to try and save a game…but then once I did a little research and found out the truth, I don’t know, it felt too fake.  So, I created my own fake story.  Haha.

Ray:

Thanks for the read, man.
  
“I see very few of these shorts being rewritten and resubmitted so I'm growing increasingly loathe to make suggestions for such, only for ideas going forward.”

Any advice is always appreciated.  I don’t usually update these right away, but at some point, I do print out all of the comments and make revisions based on those suggestions I agree with.

Ha, yeah I love the Dos Equis guy.  He’d actually make a heck of a Fidel.  I’m not familiar with Leslie Bibb, though she definitely appears to fit the type I was going for with Sandy.

“I've mixed feelings about Sandy.”

I hear you, and judging from some of the other comments, you are not alone.  I had my own misgivings about the character.  As I said, I felt like she was kind of one dimensional, so I tried to show that she had a bit of an edge to her.  That she wasn’t all beauty and no brains.  I’m not sure if I succeeded in this.

The other issue I had with her was that she basically just kept asking George, “Why?”  I guess I was having trouble finding different ways for her to get to the heart of the matter with an evasive George.  I finally resigned myself to the fact that Sandy was supposed to be asking the questions that you or I would want asked if we were sitting on our couch watching this interview.  Again, I had trouble with this, and I’m not sure I totally succeeded.

“Now, why you'd want a digital recorder if a cameraman is taping - I can only guess.”

Yeah, good point here.  I guess I forgot about the fact that the cameras would make the tape recorder superfluous.  On the other hand, as you say I don’t think it’s totally out of the realm of possibility that a reporter would tape record an interview even though it’s being videotaped.  Maybe Sandy wants to be able to bring it home with her so she can listen to it after dinner on her couch.  

Anyway, thanks again for the read, Ray.  Much appreciated, and I’m glad you mostly enjoyed it.

Khamanna:

Hi Khamanna, thanks for taking the time to give this one a read.  I appreciate it.

“It's very inventive, I think. The conversation made sense - the only thing that I didn't like is that Fidel Castro fell in love with baseball - is that true, I wonder? That moment somehow diminishes the impact and I don't know what it's there for.”

Baseball is very popular in Cuba, and Castro has, on more than one occasion, played up his love of the game.  Whether it is genuine or more of a political ploy (see basically any American politician donning a jersey of a team that he/she thinks is popular among his/her constituents) is another story.

“p5 cuban woman - cuban women”

Duh.  Thanks.

“he says dieing? - he speaks with an accent?”

I’m not sure what you mean here.  Let me know if you have a chance.

Anyway, thanks again for the read.

ED:

Thanks for the read.

“My attention wandered on page five after the cigar offer.  Partially due tom as Phil stated, a lack of variety on the page.”

Yeah, I agree, there needs to be some more going on.  This is definitely something that needs to be added.

“After some thought, I think Sandy is the real problem with this story.”

Ah, poor Sandy, no one likes her.  Haha.  

“I don't care for characters that impede interesting premises.
Perhaps if George was younger and about to retire from the agency.
He's a curator of some vintage but obscure archives.
George is turning over those old school archives over to a new school academy agent.
Now, we have a dynamic that let's George weave his urban legend spell.
That character dynamic accommodates your storyteller, Sandy does not.”

This is all very interesting, and I like the idea very much.  

If you have two people who come from the same culture and speak the same language (i.e. CIA and its bureaucracy), then there is no need for all of the “Why’s?” asked by Sandy and George can tell his tale.  Excellent idea and thanks a bunch for it as I think this is a better way to go.

Well, thanks so much for all the detailed comments.  You guys have already given me a bunch to think about and a bunch of ideas that will certainly improve the piece.  It really is much appreciated.

Thanks,
Craig

Craig,

Good story overall.  I like the idea of creating this myth of Castro's early adventures in America and his subsequent life into communist Cuba.  Well told and knit together, so it wasn't too out of left field, so to speak.  The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the really sentimental ending with Castro.  I think you may have been going for a bit of a poetical metaphor with him dropping the ball and playing up the whole myth and whatnot, but I think I could have gone without the IVs, the nurse, etc.  But I am nitpicking - I thought this was quite good.  Well done.

Greg

The idea of baseball being emblematic of American institutions and being used to help establish those ideals in a communist country is intriguing...especially as the plan was unintentional! I could see that being the basis for a larger story. I think Castro would have had to at least been interested in baseball before the CIA rumor though. Enjoyed the story.

Huh.

Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me.  Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it's people.  It's not the saviour.  It's like a hobby you enjoy.  Some sports or games will have been invented by European countries.  It doesn't mean those counties are trying to exert some sort of power values.  And if Castro liked chess or soccer, who cares?

Nonetheless, it was an easy read.  Just not for me.

Craig, in response to your question - I thought it's "dying":) Is it though? --got to check myself:)

Craig,

Some notes as I go...


GEORGE
(laughs)
So am I sweetheart, and I can
guarantee you that at this point my
“cigar” poses more of a threat to
you than Fidel’s. - Are we to assume he's speaking of Fidel's cigar?

GEORGE
Once we realized that he was there
to stay, we started a rumor that he
had tried out for the Senators, but
couldn’t hack it? - I don't think this should be ended with a ??? It is a statement.

Okay, last gripe, I thought Sandy was very much leading George into his questions as if she already knew the answers.

I liked this. I had to step away from it for a bit. Think about it. It's quite a conspiracy theory. And it works in the way you project it. I just refuse to believe the CIA is that intelligent. Then again, I have no idea. Georges character was well developed. I think you did really good here craig. It got me thinking, which, I don't do much of... For good reason.

James

Hi Guys,

Thanks for taking the time to give this one a read. Much appreciated.

Greg,

I hear you on the ending, but as far as the nurse and the IVs, there have been a number of conflicting reports over the last couple of years regarding Castro’s health.  The fact that he resigned the Presidency a couple of years ago leads me to believe that where there is smoke, there is fire.  That said, I did use a little creative license with the ending.  

Thanks for the read.

Leitskev,

Thanks for the read and the thoughts.  I don’t have any plans of expanding this at the moment, but you never know.  Thanks again.

Jayrex,

“Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me. “

Fair enough.  I happen to be a baseball fan, but my hope was that even if the reader wasn’t, it would kind of get you thinking.  It seems I didn’t exactly accomplish that with you.


“Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it’s people.  It's not the savior.  It's like a hobby you enjoy. “

I’m not sure I would totally agree with this sentiment however.  I mean, yeah, in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a sport and pales in comparison to “real life” events like poverty, war, etc.  But, I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss a sport’s (in this case baseball) impact on a culture.  For instance, during the Great Depression baseball served as a much needed outlet for the general public.  More recently, after 9/11, I think sports played a therapeutic role in helping to heal the national psyche.  At the very least, it allowed people to get back to some sense of normalcy.

Lastly, I didn’t see the Matt Damon flick, but I did happen to catch this do (http://30for30.espn.com/film/the-sixteenth-man.html).  I think it’s a great example of the power something stupid and trivial like sports can have on a people.

Anyway, thanks for the read and sorry you didn’t connect with it.  Hopefully next time.

Khamanna,

“Craig, in response to your question - I thought it's "dying"  Is it though? --got to check myself ”

You’re right.  I’m an idiot.  Thanks.

James,

“Are we to assume he's speaking of Fidel's cigar?”

I was actually going for a double entendre there.  Not sure if it worked or not.

“I don't think this should be ended with a ??? It is a statement.”

Looks like I didn’t do a great job proofing this bad boy.  I ducking hate that.  Thanks for pointing it out.

Yeah, I had a problem with Sandy throughout the writing of this piece, and it seems that others have picked up on that as well.  I think if I re-worked this one, Sandy would need a big face lift or might even find herself on the chopping block.  

“I just refuse to believe the CIA is that intelligent.”

Ha – I wouldn’t be too hard on them.  For the most part, I think they do the best they can with an incredibly difficult mandate.  Then again, I guess the nature of the job dictates that we tend to focus on their missteps rather than their successes.  Kind of like a field goal kicker.  That book I mentioned in my original post was a real eye opener and worth a read to anyone interested in that kind of stuff.

Anyway, thanks for the read and I’m glad you liked it.

And to everyone, thanks again for taking the time.  I'll be hoping to pay it forward with some reads this weekend.

CR

Quoted from jayrex Huh. Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me.  Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it's people.  It's not the saviour.  It's like a hobby you enjoy.  Some sports or games will have been invented by European countries.  It doesn't mean those counties are trying to exert some sort of power values.  And if Castro liked chess or soccer, who cares? Nonetheless, it was an easy.  Just not for me.

I bet you're not a sports fan, am i right? Couse belive it or not, for example, football or soccer plays an important role, okay, plays a role in politics these days. Sports are an industry and entertainment, used by many, including the politicians to, i wouldn't say control, but ease the minds of its people. Sport events bring prestige, like for example, hosting the olympics or FIFA world cups, and the politicians seek to take advantage of those exact same events to further their agendas.

And the baseball thing, i'd say, and i may be wrong here, but besides Guantanamo, baseball is the only remaining american influence in Cuba. It plays a symbolic role.

Quoted from vinny I bet you're not a sports fan, am i right? ...

I love soccer/football, like rugby, enjoy tennis, and other sports.  A sport how I see it is separate to the governing of people and how it can exert power.  Of which no sport can do.

Craig is right in that it can bring normalcy to life, but it doesn't create some sort of influence that can change the law of the land.  That's just crazy.

Just because it's American doesn't mean it can change the minds of the people and it's government.  I love soccer, doesn't mean that I'm worried that the British are going to take over Spain.  It's not going to happen.  It's nuts to even suggest or even hint at the idea.

"Smoke bellows aimlessly towards the ceiling before its wafted
this way and that, by an overheard fan."

Should be IT'S.

Others pointed out other errors of this type.

As you have mentioned yourself, Sandy was more of a prop than a reporter. I think the problem is that you wanted her to be competent and not know what this guy was talking about. Perhaps she's scatterbrained and unintentionally would botch the interview if George didn't WANT to tell the story. Maybe she suffers from OCD (she could put out 3 recorders and have 2 notepads - deathly afraid of missing anything). Give her something where she adds to the piece. I always had the impression that George wanted to tell this story, so it doesn't matter what she does or says. Maybe she's interviewing him about something else? Just some thoughts there.

The notepad, digital recorder and camera thing is a non-issue. Camera records for the show. Notepad is to jot notes during interview. Digital recorder is there so she can re-listen to his responses in prep for the narration without having to go into the editing booth.

George was great. I have nothing to add about his character. Wonderfully written.

The ending... I was waiting for some kind of twist, but I really just had the impression that the ending backed-up everything George had said; therefore, I felt like it was kind of flat. This might play better if you allude to something about Fidel to indicate that he was actually playing the CIA. I don't know what that would be.  Here is George who thinks he knows everything and that the CIA has really asserted their will over a dictator, but with some ironic twist, it was Fidel that played and asserted HIS will over the CIA. Again, just a thought.

I liked this. I think it could use some polish, but the style was nice and easy to read. The premise was interesting.

Regarding the talking heads - it works okay, but Sandy does need a recharge. Maybe even change the setting. Put it at a little league baseball game where George is rooting on his grandchild or something.

Nice job!

Hey Reuel,

My bad for not getting back to you on your feedback.  I've been checking the site from time to time the past couple of months, but I haven't logged on up until a couple of weeks ago.  I must have missed your post.  Again, sorry for not getting back sooner as I hate when I make a comment and never hear from the author, so my apologies.

Anyway, yeah Sandy continues to be a low point for most readers, and this writer (ha).  I'm glad you liked George though as I had fun writing him.

Interesting idea about the ending.  Some have found it a bit treachly, but at the time, I felt like that was the way to go.  Then again, I think your idea might add a different twist.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and I'm glad you enjoyed it for the most part.  And again, sorry for not getting back sooner.  Thanks again.

Craig

No worries about the time. At times I get extremely busy and don't have much time to check boards and comment, so i understand.

Craiger,

I read this script when it first came out, but never commented.   While it's near the top of the portal I just wanted to say although the concept didn't really grab me, the script itself is masterfully written.  So good that it makes me slightly jealous.   You've got a way with words.   Nice work.

My man Craig this is Va productions coming in with a review for you.

Now I must say this is the weirdest conspiracy short story I've read yet on this site.
This story doesn't seem to be about baseball at all. But yet is either a metaphor or an allegory for something else.
Something else= A secret , A disguise, A cover up the etcs....
I also understand that Fidel Castro seem to know to much about this something else. And for this reason they made him sick in which you didn't indicate but the question is was Fidel really sick of baseball. Maybe it was that something else he figured out.
But at the same time he still loved that something else. But he seemed to be a threat at the same time.

Now I dont know if Im close to your meaning of this story or not.

But regardless of that. I will rate this a 5 out 10 based on the straight shot story here. And a 9 for conspiracy.

Quoted from screenrider Craiger, I read this script when it first came out, but never commented.   While it's near the top of the portal I just wanted to say although the concept didn't really grab me, the script itself is masterfully written.  So good that it makes me slightly jealous.   You've got a way with words.   Nice work.

Hey Mike,

Thanks for the kind words, man.  Much appreciated.

Quoted from Vaproductions My man Craig this is Va productions coming in with a review for you. Now I must say this is the weirdest conspiracy short story I've read yet on this site. This story doesn't seem to be about baseball at all. But yet is either a metaphor or an allegory for something else. Something else= A secret , A disguise, A cover up the etcs.... I also understand that Fidel Castro seem to know to much about this something else. And for this reason they made him sick in which you didn't indicate but the question is was Fidel really sick of baseball. Maybe it was that something else he figured out. But at the same time he still loved that something else. But he seemed to be a threat at the same time. Now I dont know if Im close to your meaning of this story or not. But regardless of that. I will rate this a 5 out 10 based on the straight shot story here. And a 9 for conspiracy.

Hi VAP,

Thanks for the read, dude.  As far as Castro being sick, well, he's 86 and smoked a ton of cigars, so no conspiracy theory neeeded there as far as his health!

Anyway, glad you liked the other aspects of the conspiracy theory.  Thanks for the read.

Craig

Craig

I actually had to go online to see did Castro ever have tryouts for any MLB teams, obviously this shows my ignorance to the subject matter here. Regardless of being clued in or not, I enjoyed the read.

Technically, it’s very smartly written, trim and lean, just the way us lazy readers like it. I can’t think of a single criticism or at least anything that stuck out for me which disrupted the read.

I loved the character of George, the interplay between the suave octogenarian (the glint very much still in his eye) and the young reporter was very natural and charming. The believability of these characters (one could imagine such an interview where the retired agent finally decides to reveal classified or top secret information after all these years like the true identity of Deepthroat or who shot Kennedy, etc) undermined by the rather arbitrary, dubious subject of a Castro smear campaign involving a baseball career that never was is an inspired piece of satire and well executed.

The indication of all the Cuban players in the game nowadays being a direct result of this political machination was a nice touch to lend some credibility to the story.
A touching final page too of the dying dictator clutching the baseball and giving us the origin of the piece’s title.

More of a sketch given some gravitas with the poignant ending then an actual short story. A couple of tweaks here and there to lighten the tone and this could be a comedy skit but I take it this isn’t your intention and I’m not suggesting you change it. This was in part both funny and bittersweet wrapped in a delightfully clever concept.

Not as fully rounded or “serious” as your other stuff but it shows your diversity as a writer.

Good job.

Col.

This is an excellent short, really well written and hard to fault.

It flowed well and the interchange between the two characters was superbly done.  I really enjoyed the dialogue, it never seemed out of place.

This is a fantastic read and gives me much to aspire to, good work.

Steve

I liked it.  Kind of a Rosebud sort of ending that leaves you thinking.  Good stuff.  

I think the main issue I had with this was the baseball legend.  I know the CIA came up with a lot of ways to do away with Castro - some of them crazy like exploding cigars.  Maybe throw in mention of some of the other ways to give the baseball story more credibility.

Character-wise George was ok but Sandy seemed a bit weak (despite how you tried to paint her).   I would give Sandy a more solid grounding - like more of why she was interviewing George.

Otherwise well done.    

Hi Craig,

I read this a few days ago and have skimmed over it a few times since. It's taken me this long to respond because honestly I've found it difficult to come up with any comments that could benefit you that you haven't already heard before.

That said, I suppose I'll just say I thought it was a well written piece. I think you made a wise choice of using a very accessible and understandable topic (baseball) to discuss something political and not exactly relevant in 2011 and make it come off as relevant and interesting.

I won't say anything about Sandy except my sentiments toward her reflect many that have already been expressed here. I thought George was well written though. My initial thoughts on the dialogue were that there was a lot of filler (you want still want to trim some). However upon rereading, I found it sort of made sense. George is an 80-year old man. He's going to trail off, notice things, change the subject and not necessarily speak unequivocally at all times. For the most part, it works.

The only thing I guess I could really say is especially strange is why all these people are talking about Castro at all? I feel like if Castro had just died or there was a military coup in Cuba, maybe he might suddenly become a little more relevant. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. It almost sounds like Sandy got stuck with a story that nobody cares about against her will.

Anyway, I thought it was a low key but interesting and well written piece. Certainly not a bad thing. Well done.

First off, my apologies for not responding to your comments sooner, but I haven’t been around for a while.  Even when I was “around”, I was more of a weekend warrior, but I still like to drop in once in a while.  Anyway, long story short, my bad, and thanks so much for taking the time.

Col.,

Hey, bud, thanks for the read.  

“More of a sketch given some gravitas with the poignant ending then an actual short story. A couple of tweaks here and there to lighten the tone and this could be a comedy skit but I take it this isn’t your intention and I’m not suggesting you change it. This was in part both funny and bittersweet wrapped in a delightfully clever concept.”

Yeah, not sure if I would go a more comedic route, but your point about it being more like a sketch than a full on short is well taken.  I suppose to give it a little more depth I might have to show George’s life outside of the interview.  It’s certainly something worth thinking about.  Thanks for the read and for resurrecting this one.  Haha.

Steve,

Thanks for the read and the kind words.  Glad you enjoyed it.  Please let me know if there is anything you would like me to read.

Michael,

Thanks for taking the time on this one.

“I know the CIA came up with a lot of ways to do away with Castro - some of them crazy like exploding cigars.  Maybe throw in mention of some of the other ways to give the baseball story more credibility.”

Good point here and I think this would work well with Col.’s suggestion.  It would certainly give George a little more opportunity to spout off before getting to his main point.

“Character-wise George was ok but Sandy seemed a bit weak (despite how you tried to paint her).”

Ya, duly noted on this one.  She def fell short and would require a re-write if I ever revisit this one.  That said, I received some good ideas regarding Sandy from some of the other eagle eyed reviewers so at least I would have some ideas to start with.

James,

Thanks for giving this a read, and giving it some extra thought.  Even though I haven’t really been around here in a while, it’s always appreciated when someone takes the time to comment.

“My initial thoughts on the dialogue were that there was a lot of filler (you want still want to trim some).”

This is a fair point.  To be honest, as I noted in some of the earlier comments, this story was really kind of a one trick pony, and probably could have been far shorter, but I guess I tried to give it a little more length (depth???) by kind of having George toy with Sandy a bit until she loses her patience and he gets down to business.  I’m glad it ended up working for you, but your initial reaction is an important one, and trimming down is always something to think about.

“The only thing I guess I could really say is especially strange is why all these people are talking about Castro at all? I feel like if Castro had just died or there was a military coup in Cuba, maybe he might suddenly become a little more relevant. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. It almost sounds like Sandy got stuck with a story that nobody cares about against her will.”

Haha, you got me there.  I guess I tried to kind of address this issue when George makes reference to the fact that there are bigger fish to fry, but you’re right, until he dies, he’s not really everyday news anymore.  That said, you give an interesting idea re: Sandy getting stuck with what she thinks is a stinker of a story maybe because she’s the new kid on the block in the newsroom.  That might be a way to address some of the issues others have expressed regarding her character.

Anyway, thanks again to all for the reads.  It’s much appreciated, and please let me know if I can return the favor.

Craig