Quoted from Ryan1
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this. This script came together surprisingly easy, as past OWCs have usually been down to the wire.
Based on the totality of reviews, one of the "sticking points" seems to be that the shillelagh should be the God Stick. In hindsight, this now makes a certain amount of sense to me. But, as I was writing it, I had it in my head that the stick had to be more substantial and thicker like a baseball bat to get the job done. More witch-crushing power. I do regret having the stick stored in a trunk, though. It should have been kept in hidden panel within a wall or something. It's just that I envisioned this cottage to be so far out in the wilderness that its nearly impossible to find unless you're really looking for it. But, in the rewrite, I might go back and work a backstory of how the Godstick is kept by the elder patriarch of a family.
Some people mentioned they didn't buy how the old man threw the kid into the witch thunderdome without any training. Once again, I had a notion in my head that maybe didn't come across on the page. Because the father died unexpectedly of a heart attack(not killed by the witch, as some assumed), he didn't have a chance to train and indoctrinate his son into the legacy. And, if Grandda' had tried to tell Sean about a witch erupting from the ground, Sean would have thought the geezer was going senile. In the rewrite, I'll go back and fix this with a line or two. The thing is, if the kid was expecting the witch to pop out of the ground, there would have been no shock value for him.
"But something changes and forces the grandfather to place the burden on the grandson. Some other plan for dealing with the witch falls through. As it is now, the way the grandfather does this, Sean should beat him with the Godstick!"
This is what I meant. The father died unexpectedly, and now the burden lies on Sean's shoulders. Grandda is too old to be in there when the witch appears, so he had to put Sean in there and let him experience it for himself.
Some people say it needed a twist at the end and I would disagree with this. The only twist is that Sean realizes he's going to have to go through this every Samhain for decades to come. This is a pretty straight forward tale and I just didn't want to tack on the obligatory horror twist.
So, that's about it. Had fun writing it. Glad to see most people liked it.
If everyone doesn't already know my stupid scripts by SGA (Sandra's Give Away), now for sure they will with this comment:
I feel so strongly that there is this blood type that creates within us certain desires that we can quench, we can even be strong enough to ignore, but these desires are part of our program and there's no way in Hell that we can get rid of them. An instance:
You LOVE ice cream!!!! Is there any way you're going to get rid of that desire? The only way on our level of existence to (kinduv eliminate a desire) is by replacing it with "another different desire". Truth is, the first desire is never eliminated. It just becomes somewhat of a false cause.
"The God Stick" in The God Stick was the source of power in defeating Sorcha. ...
Or was it?
I'm searching within your script for that beautiful nugget.
Does "The Power" exist within us all? If it does, then how does The God Stick factor into the equation?
I'm reminded of my dad. He taught me to ride a two-wheeler regular bike. As I attempted to ride it, he held on from behind. Then, he let go...
But I didn't know...
And all of a sudden it felt a bit weird. And so...
I turned around to look at him...
Only to see he wasn't there!!!
***Many of you probably had similar experiences. The point being;
You never knew you were "without" until you felt you needed something outside of you.
In the case of my bicycle riding attempts, it's the need for my dad.
In the case of The God Stick, it's the need of __________.
How wonderful it would be to see this script rise to where we are asking ourselves:
Who does our young protagonist need?
Quoted from dogglebe
I think that this one is my favorite, so far. It had the feel of a folk tale, rather than a movie script. Others have said that they had minor problems with it, too small to mention. I'll mention my minor problem:
You split up your flashback, on pp three and four. I would keep it as one flashback.
Quoted from wonkavite
Yes, I've already weighed in this one - but have to heartily agree. The God Stick by far one of the best scripts in this OWC - possibly my favorite, and definitely in the top four (IMHO.)
Re-read it last night, and I see absolutely no missteps in this one. Clean, beautiful writing with snappy banter and smooth transitions and likable characters. (Definitely do make the God Stick the Shillelagh - that streamlines the story even further.)
With all due respect to the other scripts - *this* is one that I definitely would have pegged for the winner!
Quoted from leitskev
So the witch is 0 and 200. Even Ryan's Dolphin's are better than that!
Quoted from Ryan1
Thanks for this giving this a reread, Kev and Brett. Your comments are appreciated. Except for this one.
Now, as far as the grandfather not preparing Sean and just throwing him into the cottage for his throwdown, the way I saw it, it's not something that old Adam could convince Sean was real without him seeing and experiencing it.
Quoted from leitskev
Even accepting all of these things, it does seem at the very least the grandfather would stay in with Sean and direct him against the witch. But the problem is cumulative. There are just too many times the audience is asked to suspend disbelief. But it seems to not have been a problem with most here.