The King and I by Joshua Lederman - Short, Comedy - A short comedy about love, failure, and the King of Rock 'n' Roll. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

My biggest complaint with this, Joshua, is that it was too short.  I enjoyed this one a lot!

The premise is worthy of a feature length script, not a SNL sketch.  In a few pages, though, you set up a lot, and I would like to see more of this.  If you were to expand on it, however, you'd have take into consideration that Elvis is 75 years old.


Phil

I love that chicken-chow-mein line!

This was funny and really well written.  Went down nice and easy.  'Cute' came to my mind, too.  I don't think some people like cute, but I do.

This just might be my shortest comment on a script ever, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with it that I see nor anything I didn't like about it.

It's fine and hilarious just the way it is.  Good job, Joshua.

- Mark

Hey Joshua,

This is a good read, sans the occasional adverb and orphan.
Untold story/fantasy scripts about icons told by the "other guy" brings the reader in.
I can see Pete enlisting the aide of his best friend to win his girl back in act two.
A Cyrano de Bergerac spin on an Elvis fantasy could be quite the winner.
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, set this in the 90's.
Subtle, engaging, unassuming and a protag with a steep hill to climb, I dig it.

Keep writing and rewriting! And expanding in this case.

Regards,
E.D.

P.S. What else you got? ;)

hey Josh,

first and foremost, this was very well written. dialogue flowed nicely and the script kept my attention from page 1 (then again, I only had 6 pages to go).

as for the story? i didnt think it was hilarious as some of the other readers posted. i chuckled and thought it was "cute" but i definitely couldnt picture it as an SNL short. furthermore, i dont think a feature length would keep me captivated UNLESS you made it super cynical. but that's just my opinion.

overall, great job. definitely a script worth checking out and i look forward to future readings.

Josh,

This was pretty good. I liked the writing better than the story. You've obviously written in this fashion before.

My only story gripe would be him taking her back to his apartment when he knows Elvis is there. That also kinda negates the line of "I thought you had plans tonight?"
Where is Elvis gonna go.

Other than that, the dialogue was great. I smiled the whole time. I guess I didn't love it as much as the others because it seems like a bit of a rip from QT's TRUE ROMANCE script. Where Clarence talks to an invisible Elvis all the time. At least there, he was the old Elvis because he was imaginery. Here, in real Life? He'd be a fat disgusting old blob if even still alive...

James