Until Death Do Us Part by Demarcus - Sci Fi -  A distraught, mob enforcing, mom gets more than she bargains for when she tries to rescue her son from a rival family who turns out to be inter-dimensional beings, bent on changing her one and only child into a mindless killer. Copyrighted (c) WGA 2010 95 pages - doc, format 8)

Your logline is very confusing. Maybe try to make it more appealing?
Your title page needs to be actually on one page, just move the other writers email up and get rid of the page in between.

I'd change this: HOPE LAMBERT – American, woman, mid twenties, blond hair, medium build and beautiful, wearing all black clothes looks down a long, dimmed grey hallway.

To either a actual sentence and remove some of the extra details (i.e. beautiful and American) or just use a colon, instead of a dash.

She holds her 9mm Jericho 941 F with built-in silencer up with her right hand. Make sure to add an "a" after "with"

Also, I'm only at the first page(taking continuous notes), but instead of:

HOPE
(she whispers)
Hello.

Maybe:

Hope wispered softly:
HOPE
Hello.


Before the man could pull the trigger, Hope twist’s the Glock G22 away from him...
There shouldn't be an apostrophe after twist because it's not possessive over "the" or "Glock" and it's not an contraction either.

Hope takes out a small, black device out of her back pocket then puts it on a desk.
There should be no comma after small. Also, you said "small black device" and in the next action line you said "detonator." Where is the small black device introduced as detonator? Everything you hear or see should be written down

Hope looks down and sees his legs. She shoots his legs. The man screams in agony. He drops his rifle. Hope jumps up and shoots him in the head. She exits.
You said earlier that she was hidden under a desk, then you said she looked down and saw legs? I get the impression that she looked directly into the floor.

Hope runs down the hallway. She goes right then sets her sights on a door that says, “EXIT.” Hope hears gun shots behind her. She continues to run and goes through the door.
You say that gunshots are coming, but from who? Hope already invaded the base and shot everyone she found and set up a bomb. Where were these guys then?

Hope stops, looks at the building and smiles like she is admiring her work.
A little awkward, maybe better if "Hope stops and admires her handiwork."

RAMON (V.O)
Be that as it may he would like to see you. Now!
Also very awkward, I don't have a suggestion but it just comes across confusing and wordy

She walks to her 2010 dark blue Ford Charger.
Not 100 percent, but I think Dark Blue should be capitalized

Hope goes downstairs. She notices two men by a door. The door says, “MR. GLOVER MANAGER” on it.

EDWARD MUNIZ – American, male, athletic build, bald, wearing a black suit with a blue tie, late twenties.

DALE HILL – African-American, male, medium height and weight, late forties wearing a dark blue suit with a red tie.

Is his name Mr. Glover Manager? If not, find a way to designate that thats not his name. Also, use a semicolon or actual sentence to describe characters.

HOPE
Was that good for you as it was for me?
"Was that as good for you as it was for me?"

I stopped reading, if you come on I can read some more but your writing is very dry and awkwardly written. Maybe try to make it more interesting to read with better adjectives and adverbs? It's all written in very common English.

I think your opening scene is decent. Typical kind of action scene, but i like that it's a woman that's beast. Also, remember to capitalize sounds in your script as well

Thank you for the advice. I welcolme all advice LOL. Thanks again