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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Faking It
Posted by: Don, April 26th, 2011, 10:46pm
Faking It by Brian Howell (reuel51) - Short, Drama - A body conscious woman is forced to face her fears when a friend takes her shopping for a new blouse. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Trojan, April 27th, 2011, 8:59am; Reply: 1
Brian, I gave this an excellent over at MP. I think you handled a delicate subject in a really authentic way, the characters were very believable. Really good stuff here.

Cheers,
Tim.
Posted by: Electric Dreamer, April 27th, 2011, 10:03am; Reply: 2
Hey Brian,

Always a pleasure to see new material from contributing SS members.
I enjoyed this short and it would be quite the boon for the "right" actress to play.
I'd like a little more banter between the women.
Perhaps reveal towards the end this is for an upcoming anniversary or something.
It's a nice first step towards forgiving yourself for not being what you once were.
It's little human moments like this I enjoy when dealing with the big C. Kudos.

Keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.
Posted by: Dressel, April 27th, 2011, 11:27am; Reply: 3
Brian,

I liked this one.  It was short and simple.

I would disagree that you need to lengthen it anymore than it already is.  I don't see what that would accomplish.

Also, lose this description:
like everyone does when somebody admires what they’re wearing

Not because it's an unfilmable, but because it's awkward.

Good work all around though.

-Matt
Posted by: screenrider (Guest), April 27th, 2011, 11:39am; Reply: 4


This definitely packed a punch.   Great job.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), April 27th, 2011, 11:46am; Reply: 5
Hey Brian, for what this is, I like it.  It's effective.  It pulls out emotions and causes me to stop and think about things I don't usually think or care about.

I agree with Dressel that the 1 line needs to go.  A couple other lines don't rad very well either, but all in all, this definitely works.

Good job!
Posted by: rc1107, April 27th, 2011, 1:08pm; Reply: 6
Aww.  You suck, Brian.  This was depressing.  I loved it!  I like how you ended it on a positive, inspiring note at the end, too.

I love it when a story can cut straight to a person's emotions about something.

Great job.

- Mark
Posted by: Craiger6, April 30th, 2011, 2:15pm; Reply: 7
Hey Brian,

I just gave this one a read and I breezed through it.  As Jeff said, I think you've done a terrific job of getting me to think about somethin like this.  As a guy I've never given much thought to how something like this can affect a woman's self worth.  I suppose that says more about me than anything else, but I digress.  I thought the scene where she takes off her shirt in the dressing room and looks in the mirror was really well done, and it goes to the heart of the story.

I also like the Bree character as she comes off as a good friend.

All in all, I liked this and thought you did a great job with it in only 5 pages.  Congrats and best of luck.

Craig
Posted by: reuel51, April 30th, 2011, 3:59pm; Reply: 8

Quoted from Dressel

Also, lose this description:
like everyone does when somebody admires what they’re wearing

Not because it's an unfilmable, but because it's awkward.


Yeah, that line definitely needs to go.

Thank you everyone for reading this and the feedback. I've been reading scripts that all of you have posted, and to get these kinds of comments from writers of your caliber is fantastic. If any of you have anything new, or anything you want looked at, please let me know. I will get to it asap.

Thanks again,

Brian

Posted by: reuel51, April 30th, 2011, 4:03pm; Reply: 9

Quoted from Craiger6
I thought the scene where she takes off her shirt in the dressing room and looks in the mirror was really well done, and it goes to the heart of the story.


This visual was where this story began for me. I've had that shot in my head for years now, but I've never known how to get it on screen in a way that I was pleased with. Thank you for the compliments.

Brian

Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), April 30th, 2011, 4:34pm; Reply: 10
I liked this piece.  It was a good read and a very unique story.

Regarding the line?  How about Reveau spins, like a model on a catwalk.


Phil
Posted by: reuel51, April 30th, 2011, 5:00pm; Reply: 11
Phil, I like that much better. Thanks!
Posted by: Craiger6, April 30th, 2011, 5:52pm; Reply: 12

Quoted from dogglebe
I liked this piece.  It was a good read and a very unique story.

Regarding the line?  How about Reveau spins, like a model on a catwalk.


Phil


I agree that the original line read a bit awkard, but I like the imagery and wouldn't lose it.  

In addition to Phil's comment, I'd throw in - "Reveau spins like she is the belle of the ball".  Either or - point is I think it's a good image, just need to fine tune.  Anyway, best of luck.

Craig
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