James vs Libby...

- Logline: The grandmother of a soldier hides from the police.

- Any genre

- Any MPAA rating

- under 5 pages

Vote for A, B, or C.  The third one is a surprise contestant.   Votes for all three count and the surprise author may continue on.

A

FADE IN:

SUPER: AL ADHAMIYA, BAGHDAD 2007  

A harsh desert landscape under a white-washed blue sky.

Three children kick a football near burnt out husks of vehicles as a mangy dog picks through rubble. The city is not what it once was. Barbed wire criss-crosses the facades of Mosques and bullet holes mark the walls of other buildings.

In amongst the blight: a three mile, twelve-foot high concrete stronghold encloses the city of Al Adhamiya.

EXT. AL ADHAMIYA MARKET-PLACE - DAY

The face of a middle-aged Iraqi woman, ALTAIRA, emerges in amongst a crowd of mainly angry male faces. She’s dressed in full hijab and stands partially concealed at the entrance to the chokepoint.

She cradles a three year old CHILD in her arms, gazes down at him with adoration.

ALTAIRA (V.O.)
I will always remember him exactly like this, even though he grew into a fine young man; a soldier of Allah.

The child, jet black hair and big brown eyes, stares dolefully up at the sky.

INT. MIHARA’S LOUNGEROOM - DAY

An unadorned room, dimly lit.
Dressed in navy-blue hijab, head downcast, Altaira rocks back and forth - as if in a trance.

She sits up straight as MIHARA, forties, dressed in a light Burqa, enters the lounge-room carrying cups of tea. She sits opposite Altaira, leans forward to urge her friend to speak.

ALTAIRA
At first they didn’t know what to do with me. It was funny really. Five of them, and not one of them brave enough to fit me with the vest.

INT. HOUSE - DAY (BEGIN FLASHBACK)
A dark, dingy room that’s seen better days. FIVE Iraqi MEN, expectant expressions on their faces stare at Altaira.

For a moment she falters, then reaches behind her back to put her hands under her robe. She pulls out her bra, holds it defiantly in front of the five men.

ALTAIRA (V.O.)
They needed to measure me, you see.

The men look aghast. Each steps back at the sight of her proffered undergarment. They mutter to each other. Finally, one of them barks an order to the younger man of the group.

MOHAMMED
Go. At once!

INT. MIHARA’S LOUNGE-ROOM - DAY (PRESENT)

ALTAIRA
They had to consult with the Imam.

Both women laugh, albeit uneasily, a moment of levity. Altaira clears her throat. She looks away then down at the floor.

EXT. AL ADHAMIYA WALL - DAY
Altaira, stands stock-still by the chokepoint, the child no longer in her arms.

JUMP-SHOT TO:
Her standing in the middle of the angry protestors. Slowly she reaches inside her Hijab...

INT. HOUSE - DAY (BEGIN FLASHBACK)
The same dingy room, the same five Iraqi men. One of the men lifts a vest from a table in the centre of the room.

IRAQI MAN
Not too fashionable, I know. But, you will only wear it once.

He smiles broadly, laughs. The other men join in laughing with him. Altaira doesn’t smile, just stares ahead.

IRAQI MAN
Inside this...

He points to a disk-shaped device concealed and woven within the vest.

IRAQI MAN
...are three millimetre steel balls. Behind that, next to the skin, a C-4 plastic explosive. Two detonators...either side of your body. All you have to do...

He mimes the action.

IRAQI MAN
...is, gently pull both sides. Then...

He turns jubilantly, to his captive audience. Big grin, bad teeth. He imitates the sound of an explosion.

The Iraqi man bends over Altaira, ties a fine cord necklace with a TEARDROP SHAPED VIAL around her neck.

IRAQI MAN
You know what this is for?

ALTAIRA
Yes.

IRAQI MAN
If you don’t achieve your goal...
He rolls the glass vial lightly between his thumb and forefinger.

ALTAIRA
I know what it is.

The Iraqi man nods, smiles.

IRAQI MAN
Your grandson will be proud of you. You will finish his work and join him in paradise.

EXT. AL ADHAMIYA MARKET PLACE - NEXT DAY
Altaira stands in the middle of the market place. The protest continues. Men jostle and push past her. They bang their drums, chant louder, raise their flags higher.

She turns full circle; wipes away tears.

Slowly, she brings her arms up to her chest -- then stops.

A YOUNG MAN with jet-black hair, walks directly into her path. She stares at him, transfixed. He smiles, walks on.

She follows the path he takes, as he prowls the length of the market place, finally he stops at a stall, bends down.

Altaira looks again, but he’s lost in amongst the crowd and chaos.

ALTAIRA (V.O.)
I’d tried so hard... so many times, but failed.

Altaira, once again brings her arms up to the sides of her body, her hands shake...

All of a sudden: BOOM! A THUNDEROUS EXPLOSION rocks the market place. People run, take cover, scream and scramble for safety.

Bloodied bodies, and body-parts fly into the air and slam back down to earth.

EXT. AL ADHAMIYA MARKET PLACE - GROUND LEVEL - SAME DAY

Altaira opens her eyes. Around her lie the bodies of the dead and injured. She lifts her head, surveys the carnage around her. For a moment everything is quiet, just the low moans and wails of those in pain.

ALTAIRA (V.O.)
I couldn’t remember detonating the device... and then I realized...

A US MILITARY WOMAN lies a few metres away from Altaira. Their eyes lock.

ALTAIRA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...someone else.

Blood runs from a nasty gash on the woman’s head; shock clearly visible through the glaze in her eyes. It quickly changes to one of astonishment, then horror. She frantically gropes around for something in her pocket.

Altaira looks down at her own body, her clothing is ripped, the incendiary device still intact, but now exposed.

She jumps to her feet, stumbles. Weaves her way through the dead and injured, to run towards the chokepoint.

A bloody hand reaches into the inside pocket of a military jacket. The Woman Officer pulls a pistol, waves it in Altaira’s direction. She screams into the crowd.

YOUNG MILITARY WOMAN
Get her! Get her!

EXT. OUTSIDE AL ADHAMIYA WALL - DAY
The sound of a small vehicle approaching fast. Altaira, wedged up against the thick trunk of a Palm Tree, dares to peek from her hiding place. A small black sedan screeches to a grinding halt, throwing up dust in its wake.

EXT/INT. CAR - DAY
The young man with the jet-black hair leans across, flings the passenger door open.

YOUNG MAN
Get in! Altaira! Get in! Our work is done for today.

FADE OUT.

B

FADE IN:

EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY

A dilapidated shack perches on a hill side. The field is over grown. DELILAH, 33, hangs clothes on a line. A broken down fence escorts a dirt trail.

SHERIFF COLSTON, 58, approaches by horseback. He’s flanked by two deputies, WILLIS and STEARNS, both in their twenties. It appears as though neither of this entourage has showered in weeks.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Hello Delilah.

She turns. Startled.

DELILAH
Oh, hello sheriff.

SHERIFF COLSTON
I fear I have some bad news about your son.

DELILAH
William?

The sheriff removes his hat. Delilah puts a hand over your mouth.

SHERIFF COLSTON
He’s a turncoat.

DELILAH
No, that can’t be.

The two deputies dismount and step over the fence towards Delilah.

SHERIFF COLSTON
‘Fraid so. Now, I don’t presume to know how other towns handle deserters’ families, but here, we like to make an example.

Each deputy grabs one of her arms. She struggles. They pull on her until her blouse rips open.

DELILAH
Stop! What are you doing! This can’t be true!

A SHOT from afar echoes through the hillsides. They all look around. The Sheriff spots a thin stream of smoke rising up from the top of the hill behind Delilah’s shack.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Who’s up there?

Delilah shakes her head. Willis puts a knife to her throat.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Don’t toy with me, woman.

DELILAH
Mother.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Bessy?

WILLIS
You mean, one-eyed Bessy?

SHERIFF COLSTON
How longs she been hidin’ here?

Delilah slumps to the ground. The Sheriff smiles.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Lets go. I’ve got a date with an old accomplice.

EXT. HILLSIDE TRAIL - DAY

The three of them ride their way up with caution. It’s a thick, wooded area.

STEARNS
Weren’t you two an item once?

SHERIFF COLSTON
Yes. Gave that woman my heart. Then she nearly killed me. Tried to shoot my pecker off.

Willis laughs. He’s silenced by the Sheriff’s cold stare.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Make now mistake boys, she may have only one eye, but, for shootin’, it’s as true as I’ve ever seen.

Willis’ horse trips a string that jingles some metal cans behind a tree. They all stop. The Sheriff squints. Through the woods a shack can be seen with a rifle protruding from its window. His eyes widen.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Get down!

ZIP! A bullet goes into Willis’ cheek and comes out the other side. He falls off his horse. He grabs his face and runs down the hill screaming.

The Sheriff and Stearns hide between their horses. Both have colt pistols drawn.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Okay, gonna take her a bit to reload with each shot. Lets move to the woods for cover. Ya!

The Sheriff slaps the asses of both horses. They take off up the trail. The Sheriff and Stearns run into the woods. Duck behind a couple of large trees.

INT. SHACK

ONE-EYED BESSY, 57, is a broken down, hunched over woman. She has mangy hair and a dirty cloak. She aims the barrel of her lever action, repeater rifle at a boot sticking out from a tree’s cover. She has a fake, white-glass eye.

EXT. WOODS

The Sheriff studies the situation. He looks around. Notices Stearns’ exposed foot. He points.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Hey, watch that...

POP! The leather of Stearns’ boot explodes open. He drops his colt and dances around on one leg.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Shit! Shit! Just find some cover!

The Sheriff charges up the hill. Bark from tree EXPLODES right in front of him. He puts his back against it. Wipes the splintered wood from his face.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Bessy? You, uh, you got a Spencer in there?

BESSY (O.S.)
I call it a dispenser. Come for a closer look.

SHERIFF COLSTON
(to himself)
Shit.

He takes a peak around the other side of the tree. He slithers on the ground to the next one undetected.

INT. SHACK

Bessy waits. Everything is quiet. BANG! The window molding next to her explodes. She covers her face. The sheriff runs across her view not twenty feet in front of the window.

He fires again, misses. Bessy steadies, fires, kicks up dirt behind the Sheriff. He squeezes off two more rounds in succession. The first goes wide, the second hits Bessy in the shoulder and spins her around.

She drops her rifle. Leans up against the wall next to the window. BANG! BANG!
Two bullets rip through her chest. She falls. Two holes on the wall behind her let sunlight filter in.

Bessy tries to crawl. The Sheriff kicks open the door. He smiles. He kicks the rifle away. He stands over Bessy. He turns her over.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Well, time did you no favors.

He holsters his colt. He kneels down.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Hope you don’t mind.

He digs his fingers in around her fake eye and pops it out. He flicks of the string of mucus that trails it. He stands.

SHERIFF COLSTON
I’d like to keep this to remember this occasion.

BESSY
Go ahead, at least you’ll have one ball.

She tries to laugh, but the pain ceases it. The Sheriff pops the eye into his mouth. He mixes it around like a ball washer. He spits it out and admires it.

SHERIFF COLSTON
Mmm, you still taste good, though.

BESSY
That's not me you foul pig. That's poison.

Now she laughs and succeeds. He pulls her upright by her collar.

BESSY
You’ll be dead by tomorrow!

SHERIFF COLSTON
What the hell did you do, woman?

Bessy stops laughing. She looks at him with a suddenly sympathetic eye.

BESSY
You know what I did love about you?

SHERIFF COLSTON
What?

BESSY
How, you could never tell if I was lying.

Bessy sinks a five inch steel blade into his gut. She twists the handle. He lets her go and staggers back into the wall. He slides down it. He looks at his wound. He coughs up blood.

He chokes and convulses til his eyes roll over. Bessy leans her head back on the floor. She smiles.

LATER

Delilah enters. She covers her mouth at the carnage. Bessy appears dead. Delilah shakes her.

DELILAH
Mamma? Mamma? Oh, please don’t die.

Bessy comes to.

BESSY
I’m sorry, Dee. Its my time.

Delilah pulls her up and hugs her.

DELILAH
They said that William was fighting for the north.

EXT. SHACK

Tree-filtered sun shines down on the shack.

BESSY (O.S.)
I’m sorry, darling. I told him to. I thought it would be for the best.

FADE OUT.

C

FADE IN:

INT. GRENDEKO HOUSE - DAY

An open letter on a table.

A wall full of portraits of a young man who grows into a Marine.

ROXANNE (77) raises her hands, clumps her hair at the sides. Wails out a banshee scream to that wall.

EXT. GRENDEKO HOUSE - DAY

Three men in their early 50s:
ANDREW, STEWART and GORDON
Stand on the porch. It’s a cold day, the men hunch down in long coats, Gordon knocks on the door.

GORDON
Everything alright in there?

No response.

ANDREW
Maybe she isn’t home.

Stewart stomps his feet in an attempt to keep warm. The delay of going inside tests his patience.

STEWART
Turn on the stereo, static cracks my ear....

GORDON
Miss Grendeko?

INT. GRENDEKO HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Fear washes over Roxanne’s face. She looks left but moves to her right.

GORDON (O.S.)
Miss Grendeko are you safe?

Roxanne hears the door open. She beelines to a pull down ladder that leads to the attic.
The men enter the house somewhere O.S. Roxanne looks up in panic. Gathers her courage, climbs.

She makes it, turns, pulls up the ladder with all her might. Closes the access just as the trio arrive.

STEWART
Horrible news about her grandson. She took it pretty hard.

ANDREW
Wouldn’t you?

STEWART
It’s alright, We’re The Police!

ANDREW
Is anybody here?

GORDON
I could have sworn I heard- hello? Miss Grendeko?

ATTIC - SAME
Crouched down among boxes and cases, Roxanne listens to the men down below. She weeps.

She carefully opens one of the boxes. Pulls out a British flag and wipes her tears in it.
Sounds of the men below. Boards creak. They leave.

ROXANNE
Meaningless and all that’s true..

An open box of records, once stored away.
Roxanne looks up to the ceiling. Shakes a fist.

ROXANNE (CONT'D)
Oh my God you must be sleeping! Wake up it’s much too late!

FADE OUT

I'm going A for this one. It just appealed to me more and felt more like a complete story, although the ending was a little jarring. The craft on display was obvious and it showed impressive detail for 48 hours.

I'm assuming the top circle is "A" even though it's not marked as "A".

Great script.   Brilliant, IMO.

What's it marked with if it isn't A?  Looks like A to me.

Well...tough one this time around.

There are major problems with all 3 on display...poor Slugs, missing Slugs, incorrect character intros, confusing verbiage (or missing V.O.'s), totally unbelievable stuff taking place...hmmm...some other things here and there, but it's 2 days time, so...OK...

All in all, they're all fairly well written, and yes, that's a compliment.

A - I don't feel it really adheres to the challenge, but maybe I'm missing something.  There are strong things about this script though.  Some well written locales, and attention to detail.  It has a "real" feel to it, and I always like and appreciate that.  It's got some power in it...it's moving.  I just don't like how it ends at all, and it kind of takes away from the strengths it had going for it.

B - An interesting take on the challenge for sure.  Some potentially good action that's decently written, but doesn't quite work as it is.  Unbelievable character action and dialogue, IMO.  Absolutely hated the stuff about the poison and the entire eyeball thing.  Kind of fell flat overall, but definitely not bad.

C - Didn't get much out of this one, but again, maybe I'm missing something. Not bad, but just not good, either.  Not enough happening that matters,a nd no characters to really know or root for.

I'm going to vote for A, even though I don't feel it hits the theme, and probably has the most mistakes in it.  It did have a power to it and in this case, it wins out for me.

Tough challenge...good job all!

Quoted from mcornetto What's it marked with if it isn't A?  Looks like A to me.

I'm talking about the very top where we vote.  I can see there's no circles now so you must be fixing the problem.

There's no circles because you voted.

Quoted from mcornetto There's no circles because you voted.

Okay, but when I first voted the top circle wasn't marked A.  But B and C were marked.

Anyway...

It doesn't matter now.

Tough one...

A - An intense story in there told from the bad guy's perspectives.  A bit overwritten and the ending didn't work for me, but it was a bold entry.

B - Too much unnecessary action for a short IMO.  The characters I also didn't buy much into.  Though I was thrilled that it's a historical piece.  Good creativity.

C - Started as an emotionally charged piece but didn't really go anywhere.  It's like you ran out of time?

I'll go with A.

A.  Bold subject matter.  Good, evocative descriptions of the city.  Some minor mistakes with the slugs.  Should have given Altaira a specific age.  "Middle-aged" just covers too much territory.  

I sort of got lost toward the end there.  Didn't know where the explosion came from or who the young guy in the car was.  I also didn't get a sense of emotional connection between the grandmother and her dead grandson.  

B.  A good ol' fashioned western set up.  Nice idea having that crazed old granny being a former flame of the sheriff.  Had some cool shoot em up description.  I didn't get the ending with the eye.  Was it really poison or was she just trying to distract the sheriff so she could stick him?   Didn't make sense to me if it was actually poison.  And the scene of him sucking on a glass eye is beyond disgusting.  But, this story had a certain mean streak that it kept all the way throughout.

C.  Hmm, not sure what to say about this one.  Seems like it was written in a real rush.  There was no explanation as to why three detectives were at the door, or why Roxanne felt the need to hide from them.  Too many unanswered questions.  Which is a shame, because the writer had plenty of space to tell the story.

Close, close.  Neck and neck at the wire.  And by a nose it's...B.

A- very well done, put me in the situation and held my attention. For less than two days to put this together, this the most impressive of the three- but does it adhere to the logline? KInd of iffy on that. Recent events also (while this is set in 2007) also resonate with this piece as well.

N- Also well done, I liked this, don't see too many in the Western, and it's such a horse race with A it's hard to choose. I really think this could be something. I'm always in the mood for Old West type settings. I find them more challenging to write - no tech, boomtowns, and one has to write hard as hell to avoid cliches

C- I'm surprised this one's up for voting, Usually the "guest challenges" don't get this treatment. I read it, then read the comments. This piece was meant as a side joke, I think. It's going over most heads. I get it, though. Grandmother loses her grandson in some war, and she's visited by The Police. The Police being the band - it took another look to get it. Quite clever.  But was it The Police a delusion or that they lived/rehearsed next door? The "records" in tha attic seems to hint at that, but it wasn't clear.

Hard to call on A or B. Coin toss.

A – Takes the story to the war zone. It’s hard to feel sympathetic for a suicide bomber. I didn’t get the ending with the man and the bomb not blowing up. Is she dead and the man is her dead grandson? Detailed writing got in the way on this one. Excellent for 2 days.

B – Takes the story to the Civil War. On the nose dialogue for the first part. Interesting string of events until the last line of dialogue. WTH? Very good for two days.

C – Based on the song Mrs. Gredenko by THE POLICE including an appearance by the band mates.  Clever.  Are you safe,  Mrs. Gredenko? The grandmother’s name is Roxanne, I love it! Wails like a banshee.

I vote for C.

A  -  I think definately the strongest written out of the three.  Very good descriptions, they put me right into the middle of the story.  It seemed to jump around a little too much, though, and I think it's what made the ending a little too confusing as to what really happened.

B  -  Wasn't bad at all.  Well written enough that it got the story across, and I love a good Western every now and then.  But the characters' actions were way beyond belief.  This was in really close contention with A for me until the eyeball-eating thing, which was way too out there for me and, as a result of the extreme actions, really brought the dialogue down with it.  It became very clear then as to which one I liked better.

C  -  I didn't get at all, until I just now read Gary's post.  Pretty clever.  I think it's interesting, now.  But as I'm ultimately lost to The Police (except for the 2 or 3 songs they play on the shitty classic rock stations around here), I just don't see any way that I could put it above the (what I felt was) great writing in A.

- Mark

A - Visceral subject matter told from an interesting perspective.
     Muddy slugs and over description rob it of some power.
     Inconsistent ending sabotaged fine setup. Didn't adhere to the logline.

B - Good old Western, yee haw. On the nose dialogue, not so yee haw.
     Crisp action description and intriguing take on the old flame deal.
     Grossest glass eye script, ever. Undermines solid effort.

C - There's a little black dot on the sun today, it's this clever pisstake.

I'll take the raw power over the logline adherence. A it is.

Props to all contestants.

Regards,
E.D.

Damn it, how did I miss the Police reference?  That "meaningless and all that's true" line was bugging me since I read it but I couldn't place it.  Anyway, C makes a little bit more sense now.  Uh, sort of.  But, I'm not sure why the writer tried to mix the tragedy of Roxanne  losing her grandson with the comedy of Sting and the lads showing up at the door.  Should have gone all out spoof with this one and used more pages.  

Dang.  That Police reference slipped by me.  That's funny haha.  

Are we ready to find out who, what and where?

Not yet. I've only read A so far. Will read B within an hour!

Ok then, I'll wait for Pia.

Okay, I voted for A.

Can't really write too much about them at the moment. Sorry about that.

And there it is then.  The script with the most votes is A.  

Who wrote what...

C - Darren
B - James
A - Libby

A historic moment, our first female champion.  Let's all congratulate her...

And then we can decide who's going to challenge this femme fatale.  If anybody dares...

Thanks Cornie! once again, and all those who've read!

Congrats Libby! Good script. Vivid locations and the way you wrote it really took us there. I hope to see you re-write it based on some of the comments here.

As far as mine, I wanted to go out with a bang, ended a bit more like a fizzle. I just wanted to write some heavy action in a short, which usually kills character development. I'm glad most liked the action. Thats what I concentrated on.

And I also wanted one more good eyeball moment... Ha, ha. For those that asked, no the eye wasnt poisoned, it was her trick to get him close enough to stick him. In retrospect, I wish i would've stayed with the seriousness of this and left that out. Would've liked to have written that they both mortally wound each other in that shack and have a conversation about their past as they died lyinf next to each other. Oh well, Thats why i come here for advice.

I hope you decide to carry on Libby, I'll be here to read it.

EDIT: Now I can get back to going out for happy hour on Fridays after work instead of running home to my fucking computer. :-)

James

Michael, very kind words. Kinda felt like you just gave me a little bouquet of flowers. Made my day :) And you do v.good work here on SS.

James, you are a formidable opponent - very funny script! Had a feeling it was yours. And yes, mine definitely needs a re-write. Darren, thankyou for the 'mystery' entry, always make it interesting. The Police bit was very clever :) - you are equally a formidable opponent.

To those who read, all of your comments were on the money. I acknowledge the set-up was the best part and the ending a bit of a letdown and that overall it was a little convoluted/confusing.

I will def. do my best to implement the advice given by all.

'Shorts' don't come easy to me which is why I pushed myself to take up the challenge & as far as 'over-description' goes, it takes enormous self-discipline for me to rein it in.

And, considering the subject matter in light of recent events, I was pleased it went down as well as it did. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

Half way through voting I thought, oh God, may well get through to the next round, which means I gotta write another one! Hope a challenger is forthcoming.

Thanks guys.

Congrats Libby!  A good subject.

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley C- I'm surprised this one's up for voting, Usually the "guest challenges" don't get this treatment. I read it, then read the comments. This piece was meant as a side joke, I think. It's going over most heads. I get it, though. Grandmother loses her grandson in some war, and she's visited by The Police. The Police being the band - it took another look to get it. Quite clever.  But was it The Police a delusion or that they lived/rehearsed next door? The "records" in tha attic seems to hint at that, but it wasn't clear.

Quoted from mcornetto Who wrote what... C - Darren

Haha I kinda figured that after Darren's explanation when no one was getting his script. Creative.  B was too.  Three broad interpretations of the genre.  

Good job, Libby!

Good job, James!

Good job, Darren!  (missed your underlying theme, but totally see it now)

Sorry about last night Michael Cornetto.  Bad night for me.  Shouldn't have taken it out on you.  I'm a bit embarrassed by the whole thing, s that's really not who I am at all.

I'm going to try and slowly disappear from here, but it will take me awhile.  Sorry to everyone I've offended over the years...

Jeff, I don't know what you did last night, but it can't be that bad... Maybe you just had a few too many beverages cause, I think I noticed...

Happy Belated Birthday, Jeff!
SS would def. be a lot less colourful without you. :)

Thanks all.

I knew my "secret" entry would fly over some heads, and compared to the other two, not as good. But that was the intention, just to have fun with the logline.

To my surprise it was in the voting poll. If I knew that, I would have The Police still be The Police, but made it more clear that's who they were, and, like the song  Synchronicity II, made it more visual like i did early ("Grandmother screaming at the wall") - but these things aren't meant to be that serious anyway. BTW, this was not based on the song "Miss Gradenko" (which is about a romance in Russia); the character only has that last name...and the first name of another well known Police Song. She was driven to tears.  8)

The charge of being rushed I don't really get, though- all entries in the fun challenge usually are...but that said, A and B had some strong points and not just a gag.

I actually thought James wrote A and LC wrote B. Quite a surprise that I got the two reversed.

Well done folks.

Good job to all and congrats to Libby.

Lol.  Don't take this the wrong way, Libby, but we've never talked before so I'm using that as my excuse... that and I've only ever seen you as LC...  I never knew that you were a woman.  (I would have never gotten that from the story.)

Great job.  I really liked your writing.

i vote for c

Quoted from nybabz i vote for c

Hey Babz, thanks for voting.  And we'll lock this thread but still looking for a challenger for Libby.