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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Questions or Comments  /  Is this wrong?
Posted by: Vigilanti, May 15th, 2011, 7:36pm
The script I have been working on for some time now is giving me fits. My concern has to do with "structure" in the traditional sense. In my script, which is about a Detective in a small desert town who gets called to an accident scene that turns out to be a homicide (technically, it's vehicular manslaughter). The investigation takes him (and his partner) to the near by city of Palm Springs. On about page 25, his college-age, estranged daughter shows up for a unexpected visit (it's Spring Break) and she convinces him to let her "Hang out" with him while he conducts his investigation.

This is where I'm struggling with conventional structure. To me, the "real" story is about the father and daughter rekindling their relationship (She's been away at college for three years and he's been divorced from his family for 5 years). He still treats her like she's 15 and she wants him to acknowledge she's "Grown up". But because this "B Story" doesn't start until page 25 is this wrong? The accident and the subsequent investigation is what brings them together and it has it's own twists and turns, but I really want the story to be about about the relationship. However, since my main character (protagonist) is introduced in the beginning of the script, I not sure if this is okay. Am I making my "B" story the main plot? or am I just over thinking the rules of structure?

If you need more "Background" information, I'll be happy to answer any questions or perhaps post some of my rough draft for anyone who wishes to read it
Posted by: mcornetto (Guest), May 15th, 2011, 7:43pm; Reply: 1
If you look at something like Psycho, the story changes well into the film.  There's nothing wrong with it, it just needs to be used appropriately.  

If you are at all concerned about starting it earlier then foreshadow it in the father's dialogue.  Have appropriate pictures or keepsakes on set.   Then when you get into the story and tie in these earlier references it will feel like you've been telling the same story the whole time.
Posted by: Scar Tissue Films, May 16th, 2011, 4:50pm; Reply: 2
Working within the confines of conventional structure, I would suggest that you unify the two stories by theme at the very least and possibly with plot as well.

The murder could impact on the detective the transience of human life, the importance of putting your affairs in order before you go..whatever, but that incites his desire to see his daughter and make things right.

The two story-lines then have thematic resonance...the killer people ending lives in a horrific fashion and the difficulty of just surviving/living with each other. There's a million of interesting points you can make on those lines.

Most Hollywood films would also unite the action and have the killer target the girl...create a thrilling climax where the Officer has to try and rescue the girl who he's now realised the importance of.

Whether you want to go down that route is up to you.

Good luck with it.

Rick.
Posted by: cloroxmartini, May 16th, 2011, 9:36pm; Reply: 3
You are over thinking the story. The B story is your moral. The A story is the homicide. Along the thread of the A story, we get the B story. They should be integrated. Take Die Hard 4 for instance (Die Hard, again, yeah, again...Dreamscale...). The A story is the terrorist plot that John McClain is drawn in to. The B story is his daughter, Lucy, all grown up and John is her dad and acts like a dad. John sees Lucy as a little kid but she is not. In one respect, McClain has to let her grow up and he does, but not as much as the the flip side where Lucy learns to appreciate her father watching out for her; for obvious reasons (if you've ever seen the movie). The weave is the bad guy taking Lucy as a hostage because as we all know, family is everything. The B story is family and love and almost always is in one fashion or another. We will always have bad guys to fight and kill but we have only one family.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), May 17th, 2011, 12:04pm; Reply: 4
Yes, Clorox, Die Hard again, but in this case (if not all your examples), I completely agree with you and even thought about this when I first saw the thread.

Die Hard 4 is a classic Hollywood example of what this thread is about, although it sounds like Vigilante's idea is on a MUCH smaller level.

BTW, IMO, nothing is structurally wrong as long as it works.   Molds are meant to be broken, but you've really got to rock it to make it work.
Posted by: ReaperCreeper, May 17th, 2011, 2:56pm; Reply: 5
Star Wars goes through half an hour of its running time before Luke Skywalker is finally introduced. Story structure is entirely malleable, but be sure to keep things interesting if you're going to do that.

--Julio
Posted by: Vigilanti, May 17th, 2011, 3:49pm; Reply: 6
Thank god there's people like those found here who can logically answer a question from a rank amateur like me, even before I've earned my "Bones" on this site. I was pulling my hair out, believing I was going to have to complete re-assemble my script. I'm sure we've all read the books, attended a seminar or two and the "experts" seem so rigid about plot development. This happens on page X, and this has to happen around page XX, etc. I believe my story has "legs" but I got caught up in "I can't see the forest for the trees". Thanks for helping me sort this out.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), May 17th, 2011, 5:16pm; Reply: 7
Vig, you will find many who feel that every spec script from an unproduced writer must follow a certain structure, like you mentioned...blah blah blah by page X and blah blah blah by page y.

I think it's fucking horseshit and will never buy into such crap.

But seriously, even Agents and Producers often look for this, which is one of the many BIG problems with what kind of movies we're being subjected to...the same old crap, over and over.
Posted by: James McClung, May 17th, 2011, 5:58pm; Reply: 8
If the page number is the sole reason you're worrying about this, don't. Finish the script. Once you have a sense of how it works as a whole, you can worry about the prominence of one or the other story. If the page number is not the sole reason you're worrying about this, finish the script anyway.

I'm of a mind not to backtrack once you've started writing, especially once you're as far into it as you are.

Honestly, I think you're over-thinking the rules. No agent or producer is going to give you a hard time for starting out with the straightforward detective thriller. If it were the other way around, maybe.

Either way, I'm with Jeff. Don't let rules ruin a good story. They do so more than you know. Page numbers should serve as guidelines at the most and at the least, nonentities.
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